


Beneath the Stars

by KrystalM



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Grayson Timothy Kirk, Humor, Kid Fic, M/M, Post-Star Trek: Into Darkness, Romance, Space Husbands, Starfleet, spirk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-23
Updated: 2015-05-31
Packaged: 2018-03-31 19:44:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 42,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3990433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrystalM/pseuds/KrystalM
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James T. Kirk's life changed when he received a call at three in the morning from the child service regarding about his kid who just lost his mother to a fire. The thing is, Jim never knew he had a kid until now. A mid-five-year-long-mission break on Earth waiting for his lady, the U.S.S Enterprise to be repaired due to damages from a fight with the Klingons, turns Jim's life upside down with now the kid in his care and the mission to continue. With the mind to bring Grayson Timothy Kirk, his kid, aboard his ship, the Starfleet ensued Jim to find a second guardian for the child. </p><p>Well, Jim didn't think Spock would agree much less ask him about why Jim didn't bring this matter up to him. Captain James T. Kirk and First Officer Spock--the dynamic command duo and now, guardians to a kid. The crew of Enterprise isn't surprised.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Not mine! I just own the plot. 
> 
> A/N: Well, this is my first time writing a Star Trek fan fiction. This fan fiction consists of three chapters. It's actually supposed to be a one shot but I'm not used to posting more than 10K words in one go, so I divided them. The other two chapters probably be longer than this since this is basically like an introduction. I hope this made sense, I'm quite nervous because even though I'm familiar with the setting and time phrase, when writing, it's a whole new territory. So, if I misused words or information, do let me know. 
> 
> I'm also not sure of the characterisation. Is it alright? No? Yes? Do let me know as well! Enjoy?
> 
> Catch me here too!
> 
> [Wattpad](http://www.wattpad.com/user/KrystalM) | [FFNet ](http://www.fanfiction.net/~xokrystalmox) | [GoodReads](https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/42035367-krystal-m) | [Tumblr](http://thekmuniverse.tumblr.com/) | [LiveJournal](http://kmunroe.livejournal.com/)

 

 

James Tiberius Kirk’s life was never going to be the same again.

 

It was three in the morning when the call that was going to change his life forever rang. Laying in the bed where his blankets covered him up like some cocoon and in deep slumber, the first few rings had gone off without anybody answering it.

 

The thing was it was his shore leave at the moment, back on Earth in San Francisco while he waited for his lady, the Enterprise, to be repaired due to some damages she had gotten from a tense fight with the Klingons. After nearly mid-way in the five-year-mission, Jim was practically bouncing like a little kid in his seat when he got the notice to return back to Earth for Enterprise’s repairs and upgrades.

 

He loved the space, which was no doubt to anyone who had known him. He relished the moment every time he was back out there just sailing through the stars and creating new memoirs along the way with his crewmembers—with his _family_ but sometimes, Terra, Earth—home was where he wanted to be after a very long tough mission and sometimes, he would want to remember how blue a clear sky looked like.

 

After the Khan Incident, after Jim had literally died and was brought back to life by the same maniac’s blood, he was ecstatic to find out that he had gotten that five-year-long-mission. Not to mention, he was getting more and more famous not just in his home planet but throughout the galaxy. _Everyone_ knew who James Tiberius Kirk was and everyone knew what he did for Earth and for his people.

 

But he didn’t take all the credit. He did what he had to do as a captain. He always used the phrase ‘the captain goes down with his ship’ to explain his situation at that time. He wanted to see his crewmembers safe and it didn’t cross his mind that he was going to die until the very end. Until he saw Spock was crying and the radiation practically ripping through his skin that he knew he was dying.

 

After he was brought back to life, he was treated with respect by his crewmembers— _heck_ even by the Starfleet Admirals. But he didn’t really care for such attention, he was just glad he had his ship back and his friends, his family was safe. And then, when he was back in space, he made even closer bonds with each and every crewmember aboard.

 

He made sure he spent some time with them, even if it was for a few minutes, just to let them know that it was alright to be close to him. He maybe the Captain of the _U.S.S Enterprise_ but he wasn’t someone to be afraid of. He was friendly and he loved making friends. He wanted to be a captain where his crewmembers could express themselves and trust him, not to just follow orders and act like he was any more superior to others because the truth was—he _wasn’t_.

 

He was pretty much like everyone else on board. They were like in a symbiotic relationship. Never one without the other or else pretty much everything else would go off balance. Though, it did hurt every time he lost any member of his crew. Every time he had to sit down and write the report or write the condolence letters to their respective families, it tore a part of Jim with it.

 

That was one of those perks that made Jim’s job as a captain a bummer. But otherwise, it was perfect. That was until Klingons decided that they needed to attack something and his ship was their closest target. It wasn’t a surprise that they practically detested the Federation and when they saw his ship, Jim thought he saw the Klingon vessel doing a loop-di-loop in pure ecstasy.

 

After the battle where the Klingons had retreated away without any more damages besides almost taking half of his lady out, Starfleet Headquarters ordered them to return back to Earth. Jim then found out that he would be taking a well-deserved time off until his lady was repaired and ready to resume her mission.

 

So, the first two weeks was a blast. Jim had gone back to his apartment even though he grimaced at how dusty the place looked. He cleaned some things up and he went out to get some groceries before inviting Bones for a drink. After that, he simply decided to read some of his father’s old books, the ones with real hardcover just for the sake of a nostalgic walk through memory lane.

 

Of course, he didn’t take a rest from bugging Spock either. His First Officer and his life saviour (since he was the one who had gone after Khan and he was the one who had gotten Khan)—practically changed Jim’s life from inside out. His friendship with Spock was shaky at first after the planet-Vulcan-going-boom-by-Nero thing but after getting practically strangled on the bridge consoles and finally getting his captaincy; Spock decided miraculously that he wanted to be his First Officer.

 

Guilt ate Jim from inside. Just because he never really understood his mother didn’t make it right to assume that Spock didn’t as well just because he wasn’t bawling on the ground and crying like a five-year-old who just found out that his teddy-bear was gone for good. He learned that Spock was trying not to let the emotions get the best of him (which he failed because Jim made him get angry beyond control and lashed out at him like some beast).

 

Jim tried to apologise on certain occasions but every time he tried, the words ‘I’m sorry’ somehow turned into ‘Wanna hang out?’ by the time it reached his mouth. Of course Spock was going to reject his offer every single time until he caught Jim playing chess by himself in the rec room by accident. After that, they clicked just like that.

 

Then, Khan happened and Jim had suddenly solidified their friendship even closer when he watched Spock’s face before he died. He was in awe too besides fear, wondering why Spock managed to cry for _him_ out of all people. And then the ta’al they mashed together tight between the thin glass somehow jolted some electricity through him even though he didn’t know why.

 

When he was brought back from the land of the dead, he found out about Spock’s ruse and fuss and was deeply touched. All previous mistakes were evened and forgiven. Though, after that, Spock became even fussier and if possible—even bitchier.

 

Jim sometimes wanted to tear his hair out, listening to the listed protocol coming out like some program from Spock whenever it was Jim’s turn to make the decisions. As usual that would lead him to snap at the Vulcan that he was the captain and he knew what he was doing and then, his First Officer would go rigid at that and before they knew it—they weren’t talking to each other anymore.

 

Though it never lasted long these tiny fights because by the time an incident was over, Spock would hang around his bedside like some protective mother hen with Bones accompanying and _encouraging_ the half-Vulcan when Spock rattled on about how reckless the captain had been and Jim would end up grinning widely. Spock’s eyebrows would then crawl up his forehead until they disappeared behind his bangs and Jim would catch a fond expression in the Vulcan’s eyes meaning that he wasn’t really angry at the captain—but maybe he was slightly worried even though Jim was forgiven.

 

After that, Jim would notice certain patterns with Spock like how the strange fond expression in the Vulcan’s eyes were directed more at him than he ever directed it at Uhura—his girlfriend and someone who Jim tried to pick up in a bar. Confusion would start to bubble inside the captain and then he found himself wondering if the Vulcan found Jim—interesting or fascinating and that was why he was being ever so intrigued with him.

 

When he relayed his observations to Bones, the doctor aka his best friend since academy days simply stared at him for a few seconds before uttering a strong line of curses at Jim’s high IQ but apparently dense in everything else emotional. Jim took personal offend to that but Bones simply told Jim that he was far too busy with treating real diseases instead of being Jim’s love guru because apparently Bones said, and Jim quoted word by word: ‘Goddamnit, Jim! I’m a doctor not some love counsellor!’

 

Okay, so the word ‘love’ was ever so foreign in the Kirk manor. Jim was startled at those choices of words and laughed at Bones’s face because _right_ , like Jim was even remotely going _near_ that emotion from ten feet radius. He didn’t even have that word in his dictionary and that meant something. So, no, Bones was _wrong_ because there was no way Spock ‘loved’ Jim _that_ way because of so many reasons and one of them was because he was still _with Uhura_.

 

And Jim—well, he wasn’t interested in Spock that way. End of story and no matter what Bones said, it would change nada-nope-zero about his feelings because didn’t he know his own feelings better than anyone? Bones didn’t think so.

 

Damn it, Bones.

 

Anyways, though, pushing those thoughts aside, Jim still hung around Spock at every chance he got. He would sometimes catch Spock heading to the Academy to teach—because they were in need of a xenolinguistic lecturer especially in Vulcan and Spock was given the position until he was ready to leave for space. Sometimes, Jim didn’t admit it but he would sneak into one of Spock’s classes and sit at the back, listening to his best friend speak.

 

And _no_ , he did not get any butterflies whenever Spock spotted Jim from the corner of the lecture hall and gave a subtle quirk of the lips that only Jim could recognise from all that stoic Vulcan mask. And _no_ , it did not make him feel quite happy that he sometimes saw some of those Vulcan faces reserved only for him like he was special to Spock instead for Uhura.

 

No, just no, no matter what Bones insisted.

 

So now, he was sleeping, dozing off to a land where he rarely got to go because he still got nightmares when his comm started to ring. Jim groaned under his breath, wondering who was it that called him at this hour of the night and was tempted to ignore it. But after the comm still went on ringing, Jim finally scratched his head furiously and sat up before grabbing his comm.

 

Answering it with a gruff hello, the last thing he thought to hear from the other side was the voice of a woman. “Is this Captain James Tiberius Kirk?”

 

Jim rubbed his eyes for a moment before saying, “Yeah?” cautiously.

 

“This is Amelia Johnsons from the child service and we believe we have your son with us.”

 

Jim blinked for a few minutes before rubbing his eyes again with his thumb. Right, obviously he wasn’t clearly awake yet if he was hearing things like he had a child from a woman he didn’t even know. “Uhm, uh,” Jim started. His mind was working with nothing here to indicate that he even had a child. “Sorry, _what_?”

 

“Your son?” Amelia, or so Jim thought was her name, spoke calmly. “Your son, Grayson T. Kirk, he’s here with us. We need you to come over and see him.”

 

“ _Right_ ,” Jim said, confusion building inside of him. “I don’t have a kid.”

 

“Sir?” Amelia asked, this time she sounded confused. “I’m assuring you that you do have a son.”

 

“Look, Amelia was it? I don’t have a kid,” Jim insisted as he sighed. “I don’t know what you’re playing at but don’t you think I would know if I had a kid?”

 

Silence matched from the other side and Jim was certain that this was the part of the conversation where this prankster would end the call and he could now go back to sleep. “You don’t know,” Amelia stated after a while without sounding doubtful. Jim furrowed his eyebrows.

 

“I don’t know _what_?” he asked sounding irritated.

 

“Sir, you do have a son,” she said. _Not this again_ , Jim groaned mentally. “You have a seven-year-old son named Grayson Timothy Kirk. His mother is Latvia Heights. There has been a fire in her apartment and she didn’t make it. Your son, Grayson, was at his friend’s house at that time and we picked him up afterwards. He’s here with us and we found out that you are his father, therefore we are calling you now to inform you of his condition.”

 

Jim remained silent for a few seconds, trying to soak in the information. Latvia Heights? It rang a bell somewhere in his mind but it didn’t hold any true significance. A seven-year-old son? He felt his heart stop beating for a millisecond realising that maybe one of his infamous one night stands must have ended up pregnant with his child. But for seven years without knowing his son existed?

 

Jim was having a hard time dealing with this fact. “Uh,” Jim started. “I’m sorry, maybe you’ve mistaken me with someone else.”

 

Amelia sighed from the other side. “It’s in his birth certificate. It is stated there that you are his father.”

 

“Look, Amelia,” Jim said. “Don’t you think that the mother of that child would’ve just simply placed my name there as the father?”

 

“It could be possible,” Amelia said. “But still for now, you’re the best we got as this child’s family relatives. Latvia was an orphan. Grayson has no other kin to take care of him. He will be sent to the orphanage if he doesn’t have any more family members.”

 

“Well, what can I do? I’m _not_ his father,” Jim insisted and Amelia remained silent on the other end.

 

“Would you be averse to try a DNA comparison?” Amelia stated and Jim thought that this woman wouldn’t stand off his case until he proven her otherwise. “If you really are not the father of Grayson, at least we have concrete proof and we can send him to the orphanage.”

 

A pang of slight regret washed through him when he tried to imagine a seven-year-old kid in an orphanage. But he wasn’t the father and Jim—he wasn’t really a father material. Sighing, he finally conceded if it meant that he could rest this behind him. “Yeah, sure.”

 

“Excellent,” Amelia said with relief in her voice. “We need you here as early as ten in the morning in New York. Is that possible?”

 

“New York?” Jim asked as he frowned. “Yeah, sure. I’ll be there.”

 

Amelia then gave him the address and the conversation ended. Jim stared at his comm for a moment before tossing it aside next to him. He waited for the reality to finally settle down in his brain before he groaned and rubbed his face with the heels of his palms. He looked at his pillows and realised that he didn’t feel like sleeping.

 

* * *

 

He had washed up, shaved for the sake of something and sighed when he saw his face in the mirror. He didn’t think this day would actually happen. Sure, sometimes Bones would tease him whenever he went ahead for some night company, telling him that one day he might actually impregnate someone. He just didn’t think it would actually _happen_!

 

He shook his head before he exited the bathroom and went to his closet, opening the doors up and looked through before dressing up. Walking to the kitchen, he decided to grab some bread and munch through. “Computer, time.”

 

“0430 Standard Time,” the computer spoke. Jim just mulled at the thought of what if he did have a son. _Latvia Heights_ , he furrowed his eyebrows and thought deeper. He had heard of her name and it did felt familiar on his tongue. He just couldn’t remember how she looked and where he had met her. A sudden wave of guilt washed in him when he realised that he never really bothered with the women’s name or how they looked every time he left their apartments or hotel rooms.

 

Was he such a dick before?

 

 _No_ , he rationalised. He was just having some fun. Harmless fun— _until_ he got a call at three in the fucking morning from someone who claimed to say that they have his son. A son that he never knew of or existed. Bones was going to have a field day if he ever heard of this.

 

He decided that he should better head out to New York. He didn’t want this to take longer than necessary. With that, he grabbed everything he needed and walked out of his apartment, reassuring himself one last time that no, he _didn’t_ have a son.

 

* * *

 

 

New York, well, was busy even eight in the morning. Jim looked at the address he had written down and looked at the building in front of him. It was a tall building with glasslike walls covering the whole thing. He hesitated for a second if he wanted to go in. For all that could happen, this Amelia woman could be a trap.

 

Hey, when you get kidnapped more often than not, you would start getting suspicious at everyone who wanted to see you alone.

 

After a minute, Jim finally relented and walked into the building. It wasn’t as if this was the first time the captain did anything without thinking so much. He shrugged, wondering what a building in the middle of the city could do damage to him. Once he walked in, he saw the reception table and walked up there. The woman behind the reception table was busy typing something in before she looked up and stared at Jim.

 

Jim grinned, showing off his pearly whites before saying, “I have an appointment with Amelia? Uh, Amelia…Johnny?”

 

“Johnsons,” a voice behind him said. He quickly turned around and met a woman who wore a working suit with a waist-fit skirt down to her knees. She was smiling at Jim and the captain smiled back before shoving his hands into his pockets. “You came,” she said, sounding slightly surprised. Jim raised his eyebrows.

 

“Uh, shouldn’t have I come?” he asked. “I mean, calling me three in the morning and suddenly saying I have a kid—who wouldn’t come, right? Unless of course you did get the wrong person.” He narrowed his eyes at that. They could’ve called him and let him know that. Amelia crossed her arms against her chest before eyeing Jim one last time and turned around.

 

“No,” she said. “You’re the person.”

 

Jim frowned before he sighed and followed her. They got into the lift and headed to the fifteenth floor. “Now, the reason we called so early because the fire happened at ten o’ clock last night and when they finally managed to put out the fire, we found out that she had a son and the son was at his friend’s house. We decided to search anyone who might be next in kin and found you. You have to understand, it’s our protocol.”

 

Jim nodded. “But I’m not the father,” he said and Amelia looked at him from the corner of her eyes before smiling.

 

“I concur otherwise,” she said before the lift finally brought them to the respective floor. Once the doors opened, she walked out, gesturing Jim to follow her. “We told him about his mother and he had been silent since then. We tried to get him something to eat but he wouldn’t budge.” She headed down the hallway until she stopped in front of a big door.

 

Pressing onto a button, a light appeared from the small dot near the door and scanned her. “Agent Amelia Johnsons, access granted,” the voice said and the door hissed opened. Jim followed her inside quickly and finally they stopped in front of another door. This time, there were another three more people near the door, waiting for her.

 

“Amelia,” the man said as he stepped up to her. “You found him?”

 

“This is Captain James Tiberius Kirk,” she said as she stepped aside. The man immediately looked at Jim and eyed him. Jim didn’t know why he felt uncomfortable with the gaze. It was as if he was being dissected. He cleared his throat before pointing to the door.

 

“He’s in there?” Jim asked. The man nodded.

 

“Your son,” he said. “Is in there.”

 

“But we believe you wanted to make a DNA comparison?” another woman next to the man spoke up. She looked tired with her hair a mess and her glasses slid off from her nose slightly. Jim nodded.

 

“Look,” he said. “I’m not the father. I didn’t even know I had a kid.”

 

“Okay,” Amelia said before she looked at the door and keyed in the code. “He had been quiet all this while. We tried to get him some sleep, anything but he wouldn’t reciprocate. He didn’t even cry.”

 

Jim felt something familiar washing into him as he heard what Amelia said. “The kid must’ve been in shock,” Jim found himself saying and the woman in the lab coat nodded.

 

“Please,” Amelia said as she opened the door and walked inside. Jim hesitated just for a minute before he took in a deep breath and walked inside. His blue eyes scanned the white room before it landed on a small-framed boy, sitting on the chair and looking down to his hands. “Grayson?” Amelia spoke quietly. The boy slowly looked up from his hands and Jim found himself taking a gasp.

 

The boy looked like an exact carbon copy of Jim. He found himself gaping at the boy, wondering if someone made a clone of his seven-year-old self and placed it in front of him. Every word of how he wasn’t related to the boy flew out of the window. Now he knew _why_ Amelia was adamant saying he was the father of the child.

 

 _Holy crap_.

 

The boy looked scared, his light blue eyes that seemed to have a tinge of green in them stared at Jim. Jim noticed that the boy had the same shade of blond hair that he had. The boy even had the same nose and the same bow of lips as Jim did. There was also something different from him like that the boy in front of him had slightly paler skin tone and he had rounder ears. Maybe those features followed Latvia.

 

“Uh,” Jim found himself saying before he pointed at the boy. After that he looked at Amelia. “Uhm…”

 

“Yeah,” Amelia found herself agreeing to whatever he was trying to say. She looked back at the boy and smiled. “Grayson, this is—”

 

“My father?” the boy, Grayson, said as he looked at Jim, not even bothering with Amelia. Jim had to take a step back, his hands dropping to his sides. No, hell _no_. There was no way he was the father of the child. No matter how exact this boy looked like him when he was seven years old.

 

“Uh, no,” Jim said as he took a gulp. This wasn’t happening, not now. He didn’t want to settle down yet, heck, having a kid hadn’t even crossed his mind! “I’m not, you’re not. I’m Jim. Not…father.”

 

“Oh,” the boy said and seemed to have deflated visibly. His blue-green eyes filled with tears before he looked away from Jim to his hands again. Jim felt a stab of guilt taking over. He didn’t want to upset the kid. He didn’t mean to.

 

“No, uh,” Jim said, trying to find the right words but words had always failed him. So, he kept quiet and looked at Amelia pleadingly. She just sighed before she nodded.

 

“Grayson?” she started as she walked up to him. The boy didn’t look up though and simply continued to stare at his fingers. “We’re going to have to take a strand of your hair, is that okay? We need it for a DNA comparison with this man here.”

 

The boy looked at her slowly before he looked at Jim. “Okay,” he said gravely. With that, she stood up and sighed before looking at Jim.

 

“Let’s start.”

 

* * *

 

The woman in the lab coat took something physical like a strand of hair from both of them before she hurried off to the lab. Jim waited for the results inside the room. Amelia thought it would be best if he was in the same room with the boy, just for the sake of some sense of comfort. So, as Jim sat in front of the boy, Jim began to take in the details of Grayson.

 

The boy didn’t seem so certain of anything. He looked small, timid and Jim suddenly had a wash of protectiveness flooding into him. He just wanted to pick that boy up and hug him tight. After a few minutes, he shifted on his seat. He was never good whenever he was left with nothing to do. So, he decided to try and talk to the boy.

 

He didn’t want to get attached to the boy but it seemed like Grayson needed someone to talk to. “Uh, hey,” Jim started awkwardly. Grayson looked up from his hands to Jim, his eyes seemed tired and traces of tear tracks covered his cheeks. Jim blinked for a few times, trying to get rid of this sudden intense emotion of sadness inside of him. “How are you?”

 

The boy just stared at Jim lifelessly. Jim grimaced at the defeated look on the boy before he looked away. Clearing his throat, he looked back at the boy and smiled warily. “Have you eaten anything?”

 

Grayson looked down to his hands and ignored Jim. The Captain of the _U.S.S Enterprise_ felt as if he had encountered a dead end. There was no way he could get past it. He was never good with children. His own childhood wasn’t flowers and candies that he could use it to help get near children anyways.

 

He sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair. He was beginning to slightly worry if the boy really didn’t eat anything at all just like what Amelia had mentioned. Silence filled in the room before the boy mumbled something under his breath. Jim leaned in close, intrigued as he waited for the boy to repeat his words.

 

But when no such action was made, Jim said, “Speak up. I can’t hear you.”

 

Grayson looked away from his hands to the floor before speaking a bit louder. “My mother’s really gone, isn’t she?”

 

For a seven-year-old, the words sounded too dark and heavy. Jim winced at the lifeless words and leaned back into his chair. Staring at the boy, he opened his mouth before closing it. How would someone say to a seven-year-old kid that his mother really was gone? After contemplating the options, he nodded even though he wasn’t sure if Grayson saw it or not.

 

“Yeah,” Jim said slowly. “I mean, that’s what Amelia said. You know, the woman—”

 

And the boy started to cry again, this time with a soft whimper. Jim stopped talking and felt his fingers fidgeting in nervousness as he watched how the boy’s small shoulders quivered and a sob took over him. What should he do? Goddamnit, what the hell was Jim supposed to _do_?

 

He was never good with emotional stuff, it was one of the perks of being a Kirk. He thinned his lips before he slowly reached out for the boy from across the table. Scared that he might make the boy even sadder, he let his fingers pat the boy’s head gently. He looked for any signs for his crying getting worse before he fully placed his hand on the boy’s head and patted.

 

Before Jim could comprehend anything, the boy had got out from his seat and hurriedly jumped onto Jim’s lap while burying his face into his chest. “Woah,” Jim said panicked out, his arms covering the boy. He felt his heart picking up speed and panic clearly taking over.

 

The boy bawled his fist around Jim’s shirt and buried his face deeper, crying. Jim was rigid against Grayson. His arms were feeling tense and he wanted nothing more than to just get up and walk out. He felt uncomfortable and he didn’t know how to deal with it. “U-uh, uhm, don’t cry?” Jim brought his right hand and patted the boy’s head again awkwardly.

 

His mother used to kiss the top of his head whenever he cried, he recalled. Looking down on the boy, he didn’t think it was a good idea to do so. He wasn’t the father, he said to himself. His heartstrings still tugged heavily at the sadness the boy was pouring out from his cries.

 

He didn’t know how long he held the boy but the boy seemed to finally succumb to a silent sleep after he stopped crying. Jim felt really uncomfortable now. He wanted to push this kid away because he was making Jim feel more or less panicked out. Jim looked down to the boy, his right hand resting on his head while his left cradled his back from slipping away from his lap.

 

Grayson mumbled something as he buried his face into his chest and his hands clutched his chest tight. Jim didn’t think he was ever held this tight before. The door to the room suddenly opened and Jim panicked once more. Unfortunately, before he could do anything to remove the boy, Amelia had seen the scene and a mischievous glint made way in her eyes.

 

“I can’t get him off,” Jim explained lamely. She just crossed her arms against her chest before she held out the PADD.

 

“I have the results,” she said. Jim eyed her for a minute before looking down to the kid in his arms. Suddenly, he felt a bit scared to hear the result. He steeled every single strand of courage he could get inside of him and looked back at the woman. Jim then nodded before she looked down to the PADD and sighed.

 

“Well?” Jim whispered. He furrowed his eyebrows when he realised he was— _whispering_. Why in the world was he whispering? A few movements from the boy in his arms made him realise why he was whispering. Amelia simply looked at Jim before she walked further into the room and handed out the PADD.

 

“You should see the results,” she said. Jim felt his heart beating loudly as he grabbed the PADD with his right hand and looked at the results.

 

He felt his world slipping from his fingers right at the exact moment his eyes found the words he feared for. His life had been shifted to the sides and he felt as if someone had poured a bucket of cold ice on him. _No_ , his mind screamed in panic as his left hand tightened against the boy. “This— _isn’t_ _possible_ ,” he started as he looked at Amelia with wide eyes. “This isn’t right! I can’t be the kid’s father!”

 

Amelia didn’t know how to react to that, Jim could tell. But he couldn’t give a damn right now. He felt like he couldn’t breathe and the world crowding him to a corner. How was this possible? Even though he slept around before, he never really did anything as stupid as forgetting protection! Damnit, he had just started on this epic journey in space—it couldn’t end now! He didn’t even plan to have a family so soon.

 

“Sir,” she started. “It is what it is.”

 

 _Kadiith_ , he suddenly translated her words into Vulcan. His brain wasn’t making much sense at the moment. All he could think of was that he—James Tiberius Kirk—the Captain of the _U.S.S Enterprise_ —was a fucking _father_.

 

 _No no no no no no no fucking way_!

 

His brain wasn’t happy with how panicked out Jim was and he almost blacked out. He took in deep breaths as he looked back to the PADD, his right hand shaking. “Sir,” Amelia called out. “I—You are the father of Grayson.”

 

“But that can’t,” Jim started weakly. “I can’t be a father.”

 

She remained quiet for a while before she looked at him. “If you’d like…we can maybe discuss alternate options to take care of the boy.”

 

Jim looked back at her before he looked down to Grayson. This fragile little thing in his arm that was barely seven years old was his son. He felt his whole world shattering into something different—he just wasn’t sure if it was for the better or for the worse. He needed to think, walk around to get this feel really settled inside and he couldn’t do it with the boy in his arms.

 

* * *

 

Grayson was left sleeping on the couch outside of Amelia’s office. Jim was inside of her office, pacing about as he ran his fingers through his hair furiously. Amelia simply sat in her chair, her fingers clasped on the desk and watched Jim pace around. “Sir,” she started.

 

“How in the world is this possible?” he asked himself, ignoring mostly everything else. Latvia, she should’ve told him at least that she was expecting. But then, what could he do back then? He would’ve freaked out like how he was now and he might’ve even told her to get rid of it. He immediately stopped pacing as a sickening feeling took over from inside.

 

He might’ve told her to _get_ _rid_ of it.

 

Groaning, he rubbed his face with his hands, looking at Amelia. “You know who I am, right?”

 

Amelia nodded. “You’re the youngest Captain Starfleet had ever had. You currently command your first star ship, the U.S.S Enterprise. You’re a hero, dubbed by the society.”

 

Jim laughed humourlessly. “I can’t have a kid with my career,” he said. “Call me selfish but—I’m not ready to be a father. I can’t be a dad! I have a whole life ahead of me and a kid will…it will change _everything_.”

 

Amelia thinned her lips before she sighed. “Sir, I—in my opinion, nobody’s ready to be a parent.” She looked at Jim in the eyes. “Grayson had lived with a single parent until now and now his mother is gone, you’re the next in line to take care of him. We thought at first you were trying to conceal you had a child and that’s why it surprised us when we found out you were the father of Grayson. However, now we know that you truly didn’t believe you ever had a child. So, I understand your hesitation and—if you really don’t want him, if you want to give up your rights as a parent, he will be taken away from your shoulders.”

 

Jim looked at Amelia carefully. “And then he’ll be sent to the orphanage.” Amelia didn’t say anything else, instead she just nodded.

 

Jim shook his head and groaned. “No, I can’t,” he said. “I can’t—not the orphanage.”

 

“Why don’t we do this?” Amelia said. “Why don’t you take the boy home? Let him settle down with his loss for a few days while we arrange other ways to take care of this problem. And if by then you still want to give up your rights as a parent, I’ll bring the papers around and take him away.”

 

Jim grimaced at how horrible it sounded. They were talking about a kid as if he was an item on the shelves in a store. He sat down in front of Amelia and looked at her before he looked to the desk. He shouldn’t make such rash decision. He wasn’t someone so cold until he would push away a kid—his kid to an orphanage. He was the father—Jim shuddered at that in fear—of the kid.

 

He felt even more guilty realising he couldn’t even remember the face of Grayson’s mother. Sighing, he looked at Amelia. “Alright,” he said. “I’ll take him back to San Francisco and I’ll see what I can do with him.”

 

“Alright,” she said. “I’ll bring the papers around in a week.”

 

“Okay,” he said. He looked to the door and flinched at the new reality he was about to embark on. Standing up, he looked at Amelia again. “Does he have…you know, his stuff?”

 

“His belongings,” she said as she got up. “If you’d follow me.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So? I don't know, is it alright? Grayson, I suppose, was born after Star Trek 2009 but Jim didn't know he existed until after Star Trek: Into the Darkness, which I estimated be more than 5 years and since plus mid five-year-long mission, I guessed Grayson would be 7 years old. If you think Grayson needs to be younger or slightly older, do let me know! Okay, so, hope I did well...Do let me know as well if you want me to continue. :) Until then! -Krystal
> 
> Basic CSS coding is provided by museaway


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Not mine!

 

 

His belongings weren’t much due to the fire wiping out everything. They found some clothes that they managed to salvage and a few photographs. They also found some important documents protected by a fire-proof seal inside the house. But that was all, Jim noted as he looked at the table where Grayson’s belongings laid.

 

Jim’s fingers latched onto a photograph. It wasn’t pretty anymore, the right corner of the photograph had burned off leaving a dark patch near the burnt ends. However, he could still make out the picture of a woman, hugging Grayson as they both smiled into the camera.

 

He looked at her face, his eyes glimmering slightly in recognition. She had beautiful auburn wavy hair reaching down her shoulders and her eyes were in a magnificent shade of green. She was human so that would explain why Grayson looked all human. Jim still couldn’t really remember where he had met her but he did recognise her, even if it was a bit of her.

 

He remembered her laugh and maybe her eyes, no, he _definitely_ remembered her eyes. Her eyes—Jim realised maybe that was why he went after her. Her eyes were an attraction. They were mysterious and soothing at the same time. A pang of guilt made way into him once more as he noticed how he couldn’t really remember her much at all. Now, he had a son with her. His son who looked mostly like him with small traces of her. He remembered his mother telling him that the Kirk genes were mostly dominant so that would explain how his son looked like an exact carbon copy of his seven-year-old self.

 

“How did she,” Jim started as he looked up from the photograph to Amelia. “How did the fire start?”

 

Amelia sighed. “We theorise that it was from the stove. We found a half-burnt cookbook on the counter so we guessed that she was trying to cook a traditional Terran dish and the fire got out of control. She was in the bedroom at the time, trying to look for something and before she knew it, the fire took over her apartment. The fire alarm was directed to the nearest firefighting station before she could make the call. They made it just in time the fire was about to gulf another house. But she…”

 

Jim nodded as he sighed and ran his fingers through his blond hair. With that, Amelia took a bag and placed the items inside before handing it to Jim. The captain took it gingerly before smiling at Amelia. The panic was still clearly blaring loudly inside of him. He was certain he would undergo another panic attack once this whole thing settled down properly in his brain.

 

He was also sleep-deprived, so that could be a possibility to how well he was handling this.

 

“I’ll see you in a week then, sir,” she said as Jim nodded.

 

“Uh, you can call me Jim,” Jim said after a moment. “Sir doesn’t settle well for me.”

 

Amelia just smiled.

 

* * *

 

Grayson slept like a log. He attached himself to Jim and he didn’t want to let go. Jim didn’t know how he looked with a child but from the adored looks he got from the people passing by, he guessed he looked alright. He sighed as he finally got out from the hover car, heading to his apartment building after a long journey from New York back to San Francisco.

 

Grayson had woken up about two hours ago and Jim took this opportunity to try and feed something to the kid. The boy looked at Jim confused before he looked around to his surroundings. He asked where his mother was and who was he in a confused and hushed tone. Jim felt his heart constricting tightly as he smiled warily at the boy and handed him Jim’s favourite energy bar.

 

Grayson eyed the bar carefully before something akin to realisation washed into the boy’s eyes and he took the bar. Without another word, the boy ate the bar and laid his head against Jim’s chest. He shifted in his seat uncomfortably but settled down once more after he felt the boy nod off to sleep.

 

Now, once he was back to his apartment, he looked around the living room wondering what he should do. He walked into his bedroom before placing the sleeping boy on his bed. Grayson clutched onto him tighter not willing to let go until Jim had to pry his hands off. “Come on, kid,” Jim said as he finally pushed the boy to the bed gently and freed himself.

 

The boy immediately searched for something to latch on and found the edges of his pillows to hold onto. After that, the boy went still and settled down. Jim sighed to himself as he placed the bag near the bed and settled at the edge. What was he going to do?

 

He placed both of his hands against his face before rubbing it. He was so confused. His life was about to change from the very core. He knew that if he didn’t keep the boy, they were going to take him away from him. That wasn’t possible. No child should live in an orphanage.

 

But Jim wasn’t a father material. He wasn’t good with kids!

 

Silence washed in before he thought of Bones. Bones had a daughter! He quickly got up and walked out of the bedroom, reaching for Bones through his comm. It took a few rings before Bones answered with his usual gruff hello.

 

“Bones! I have a kid.”

 

Bones remained silent for a few seconds before something rattled heavily in the background. “Damnit Jim! What the hell have you gotten yourself into now? Did you get your head smashed or somethin’?”

 

“What?” Jim asked. “Wait, no! I’m not drunk! I really have a kid, Bones. A seven-year-old kid!”

 

“No, Jim,” Bones said. “Say it with me, you do not have a kid. Unless you suddenly managed to impregnate one of your night companies, you don’t have a kid.”

 

Jim remained silent and Bones took that silence with a sharp inhalation. “Damnit, _Jim_! _Seriously_?”

 

“I—it happened seven years ago, Bones! I just found out about this now,” Jim said hurriedly. “I can’t be a dad! But I am. And it’s freaking me out.”

 

Bones sighed from the other side. “I’ll be there in twenty minutes. Don’t do anything stupid, Jim.”

 

Jim just sighed back before he turned off his comm and waited for Bones.

 

* * *

 

Bones arrived like he said he would. Jim opened the door and Bones barged in, looking around his house before turning around to look at Jim. “What did you do now, Jim?” Bones asked as he crossed his arms against his chest. Jim just sighed before closing the door shut.

 

“I have a kid, Bones,” Jim said. Bones eyed him warily, the look of doubt in his eyes. Jim just smiled before he gestured Bones to follow him. “Here.” He opened the bedroom door and Bones peeked in. He felt his friend freeze as he stared at Grayson. After a few seconds, he looked at Jim pointedly and walked out, the captain following close behind.

 

“Jim,” Bones started. “That is a _kid_.”

 

“Yeah, I know, Bones,” Jim said. “He looks like me, doesn’t he?”

 

Bones just stared at Jim before he sighed loudly. “How do you keep on getting yourself into all these situations?”

 

“I don’t know. Ask the higher power while he likes throwing me into crazy situations,” Jim said huffily as he went to the living room and sat down on the couch. Bones followed him before he stood in front of Jim.

 

“Who’s the mother?” Bones asked.

 

“Latvia Heights,” Jim said. “I couldn’t remember her until I saw her picture.”

 

“Well, how did you find out?”

 

Jim then began telling Bones about it from the very beginning. Bones listened attentively before he ran his fingers through his hair. “So, what are you gonna do?” he asked. Jim just shrugged. “You ain’t really going to send the kid to the orphanage, are you Jim?”

 

“No, Bones,” Jim said. “ _No_. But I can’t raise a kid. I don’t know the first thing about being a parent.”

 

“Don’t look at me,” Bones said as he raised both of his hands in the air. “I’m just swinging by with Joanna.”

 

“Geez, real helpful, Bones,” Jim snorted at him. “I can’t do it, Bones.”

 

“Then what are you gonna do? Sign the papers and send the kid off?” Bones asked as a scowl settled on his face. “That doesn’t sound like you, Jim.”

 

“Yeah,” Jim said. “But can you image me being a dad? Hah, it’s fucking insane.”

 

Bones kept quiet for a while before he sat down next to Jim. “You gotta inform the ‘fleet, Jim.”

 

“If I want to keep him around,” Jim said before he winced. “I’ll inform them later, once I know what to do with this.”

 

“You have one week, Jim,” Bones said with a gruff. Before Bones could continue on—there was a short scream coming from the bedroom. Jim was up and moving from his couch with Bones trailing him as Jim opened the bedroom door and walked in.

 

“What happened?” Jim found himself questioning when he saw Grayson trashing on the bed. Jim walked up to Grayson carefully before he touched his head gingerly.

 

“Mommy,” Grayson whimpered as Jim bit his bottom lip. Bones was behind him and he sighed. Jim then slowly did what he knew best—he gathered Grayson in his arms and cradled him against his chest. Grayson slowly stopped thrashing about and settled down, a few tears escaped from his eyes by the end of it all.

 

Jim’s heart ached for a moment before he looked at Bones. “The kid—looks awful,” he concluded. “I’ll give him a full body examination when he wakes up. Until then, I’ll go and get something for the boy to eat. He looks pale and possible anaemic.”

 

“Anaemic?” Jim asked.

 

“Possibly,” Bones said as he strolled out of the room. Jim looked back to the boy in his arms before settling him down to the bed. Grayson latched onto Jim like a lifeline and this time, Jim didn’t move out of his grasp and stayed next to him.

 

Bones walked into the room after a few minutes. “I’m going to grab the tricorder and some multivitamin hyposprays.” Jim nodded.

 

“Thanks, Bones,” he said. Bones simply looked at Jim and Grayson one last time before he rolled his eyes and walked out of the room.

 

* * *

 

It took at least another three more hours before Grayson woke up. He was confused again to why he was in a room until he spotted Jim. Jim had looked at Grayson and conversed with Bones until the said boy woke up. “Well, look who’s finally awake,” Bones drawled out as he whipped out his tricorder.

 

Jim couldn’t help but to smile as he shifted on the bed and tried to pry the boy from him. Grayson blinked rapidly before he let Jim go and sat up. He looked around once more before he looked at Jim and then back at Bones. Jim remained quiet meanwhile Bones turned on his tricorder.

 

“Be still, kid,” Bones said gruffly. Grayson however looked at Bones warily before he moved away and ended up squishing against Jim. Bones raised his eyebrows at that before he looked at Jim. “Jim, control your boy. It looks like he even has your dislikes to the tricorder.”

 

“Hey, you don’t have the brightest bedside manner, Bones,” Jim said as Bones threw him a glare.

 

“I’m a doctor, Jim not some cheerful clown. Being nice isn’t in my job prescription,” Bones said grumpily before he looked at Grayson. After a minute, Jim finally relented and looked at Grayson.

 

“Uhm, Grayson?” he said as Grayson looked at him.

 

“Where am I?” the boy asked quickly, his blue-green eyes shimmering in fear.

 

“Well, you’re in my place,” Jim said, explaining slowly.

 

“Why?” Grayson asked, his voice sounding timid. “Where’s mommy? Who are you?”

 

Jim bit his bottom lip for a moment. “Uhm, your mother—you know…”

 

Grayson furrowed his eyebrows for a moment before the realisation dawned on him and his eyes flickered closed. The boy deflated and his face fell. Jim panicked silently before looking at Bones. Bones looked at Jim before looking back at Grayson.

 

“Grayson?” Bones called him out. “Hey, kid,” he said gently. “It’s alright. You’re safe.”

 

“My mommy’s dead,” he said softly. “I’m alone. Mommy said if she died one day, I’ll be alone. She promised to stay with me forever. She promised.”

 

“Kid,” Bones started.

 

“Grayson,” Jim said. His own feelings were shaking from the words. They sounded too matured coming from a seven-year-old. And they sounded too familiar. “You’re not alone. We’re here now.”

 

Grayson looked at Jim, his eyes emotional. “Who are you?”

 

“I’m,” Jim started before eyeing Bones. Bones just nodded before placing the tricorder near him and stood up. With that, he left the two of them alone. “I’m James Tiberius Kirk. I’m your father.”

 

The words felt foreign in his tongue. He felt awkward too. Grayson stared at Jim for a long time before his eyes filled with tears again. He didn’t say anything else instead he started to cry. Jim panicked before he eyed the door, hoping Bones would come in any minute. But when he didn’t, Jim cursed inside and looked at the boy warily. “Uhm.”

 

“Mommy,” Grayson whimpered as he sobbed. Jim slowly gathered the boy in his arms and started to shush him as gently as he could. Grayson wrapped his arms around Jim like he didn’t want to let go. Jim sighed softly as he let the boy cry.

 

“It’s alright, Grayson,” he said. “I’m here now.”

 

He didn’t know what possessed him to say those words but it seemed to be most suitable at the moment. So, he kept them hanging in the air as the boy hung onto him. It took at least twenty minutes before the boy stopped crying and looked at Jim, his face wet. “Done crying?” Jim teased even though he bit his tongue from saying anything else scared he might trigger the boy into crying again.

 

Grayson simply went back to hugging Jim and the captain felt awkward. But he hugged back anyways. It felt nice, actually. It felt nice knowing that the boy needed him. Shaking the thoughts away, he slowly pried the boy away until he could see his face. “Hey, Grayson,” he started. “You’re alright.”

 

Grayson didn’t say anything, instead he looked away. Jim bit his bottom lip again before he looked to the door. “Bones!” he hollered for his friend.

 

Bones opened the door and walked in, looking at him. He sighed as he walked to the bed and sat at the edge. “Hey, kid.”

 

Grayson looked at Bones before he scooted away. “It’s alright. This is Doctor Leonard H. McCoy. He’s my best friend and a very good doctor. He’s a nice guy. Most of the time.”

 

“Geez, thanks,” Bones said even though his lips turned up in a smile. He looked down to the kid. “Everyone—by everyone—I mean Jim calls me Bones. What can I call you?”

 

Grayson flinched as if Bones had done him a personal harm and for a moment, Bones reeled away. “I’m Grayson—Timothy Kirk,” the boy said quietly as he looked at Bones and then back at Jim. He didn’t say anything else as he continued to stare at him. Jim looked down and smiled, hoping it came out less awkward than what he was feeling.

 

“Okay, Grayson,” Bones said softly. “I need to take some readings. To make sure you’re healthy, darlin’. And then, I’m going to have to give you some hyposprays. You know what they are?”

 

Grayson nodded cautiously.

 

“Okay, good, so, I’m gonna check you now, okay?” Bones said slowly as he scooted closer. Jim tried to scoot away meanwhile but the boy latched on his arm tight, his eyes immediately tearing up.

 

“Shit,” Jim whispered to himself.

 

“Stay,” Grayson said slowly. Jim gulped at how vulnerable the boy looked before he sighed and swallowed the panic rising inside of him.

 

“Okay, okay,” he said. “I’m right here.”

 

Bones took the readings and as he suspected, Grayson was slightly anaemic and gave him the hypospray shots. With that, the boy ended up clutching onto Jim tight. “Okay,” Jim said. “I’m hungry.”

 

Bones rolled his eyes at him. “Well, I’m pretty sure Grayson’s hungry too.”

 

Grayson didn’t answer, instead, he shook his head. “Oh, he isn’t,” Jim said before he frowned. “He only had that energy bar.”

 

“Energy bar?” Bones questioned as he raised his eyebrows at Jim. Jim just grinned sheepishly. “What happened to your diet, Jim? Forgotten after stepping out of the Enterprise?”

 

“Come on, Bones,” Jim whined. “I haven’t eaten anything like that for—months!”

 

Bones scowled at him for a moment before he sighed and stood up. “So, I’ll go get something for you to eat meanwhile, Grayson, do you want to eat a chicken sandwich?”

 

Grayson looked at Bones slowly before he nodded. Bones then walked out of the room, leaving Jim with Grayson. Silence matched in before Grayson looked down to the bedsheet. Jim looked at him for a few seconds before he sighed and decided to grab the bag from the side of the bed. After that, he opened the bag and took out everything that was necessary before he found the picture.

 

“Hey,” he said slowly before he gave the photo to Grayson. The boy gingerly took the photo and looked at it.

 

“Mommy,” he said before his face fell once again. “I miss her.”

 

“I know,” Jim said, smiling bitterly. He might not know what it felt like to love someone so heavily until it hurt but he knew how it felt like losing a family member. When his mother died, he felt like someone had slapped his face. Even though he loved his mother, they weren’t really in a great mother-son relationship. He was angry at her back then, she escaped from dealing with him most of the time because he reminded her of George.

 

But even so he still loved her.

 

Grayson let a few tears slip out from his eyes and Jim sighed, knowing that the pain was big. And then Grayson hugged the photo and looked at Jim. “Are you really my father?” he asked wetly. Jim nodded and Grayson sighed, rubbing his eyes. “Okay.”

 

“Okay?” Jim asked quietly.

 

“You won’t leave me too, right?” Grayson asked. Jim felt like his world sliding around and he froze. What was he supposed to say to this kid? He opened his mouth before he closed it. Grayson looked at Jim expectantly but when Jim didn’t say anything else, he frowned and his eyes flickered away. “Oh.”

 

“Look, Grayson,” Jim said. “I—I’m…it’s complicated. But…I won’t leave you alone, okay?” He knew what it felt like to be rejected. He didn’t want it to be a Kirk tradition. Grayson seemed to shine dimly at that and nodded. He still looked doubtful but Jim thought that could be a conversation for another time.

 

“You need a bath,” Jim suddenly said as he looked at the kid. Grayson looked at Jim before he nodded.

 

After that, Jim dragged Grayson to the bathroom, giving him a warm bath and changed him into his clothes with the ones that still survived the fire. Jim made a mental note to get some new clothes for Grayson before Grayson held onto Jim’s hand and they exited the room.

 

“Took you two long enough,” Bones said as he placed the food on the table. Jim grimaced when he saw a plate full of salad.

 

“Bones, _why_?” Jim groaned as he sat and Grayson sat next to him.

 

“Your diet, Jim,” Bones said with what sounded like an evil laugh behind it. “Somebody’s gotta keep you up to it or else you’ll forget.”

 

Grayson eyed his plate before he took the chicken sandwich cautiously and looked at it. “What’s wrong?” Jim asked gently. Grayson looked at Jim quietly before he shook his head and took a bite of his sandwich. Jim didn’t know why but he felt a bit relieved seeing the boy eating. Bones sat in front of them, eyeing them both before he looked at Jim.

 

Jim knew that there was some concern in Bones’s eyes. Jim just nodded, the panic still very much alive in his heart as he looked at Grayson. He was small, and yet he looked so brave. It was like he had been fighting all his life. He reminded him well—of Jim.

 

He silently ate his salad to his grimace.

 

* * *

 

 

Bones left after dinner and soon, Grayson was prepared to sleep. Jim thought it would be a good idea to sleep in the same room. And it was the right decision when Grayson started whimpering from a nightmare in the middle of the night. Jim was barely asleep when it started.

 

Jim slowly scooted closer to Grayson and took him in his arms again. Grayson quietened down after a minute before his face softened and hugged Jim. For a second, Jim felt something warm washing into him. It made him feel very much different and it was a good type of different.

 

He didn’t think he could feel this way. He looked down to the boy and sighed before laying back down and closed his eyes, subconsciously noting that he was already drifting into sleep faster than he ever did before this.

 

The next morning was a bit awkward with Grayson sprawled on him and hugging him like a teddy bear. Jim couldn’t help but to smile at that before he sighed. He had a lot to think about at the moment. This kid, Grayson, was another part of Jim. Even though he was an accident, Jim couldn’t say that he somehow regret it now that he was looking at the kid first hand.

 

Sure, maybe he was panicking and he still was inside, but overall, it felt nice knowing that a little bit of you were being carried out for the next generation. The main question remained though, was he ready to take care of Grayson? Was he ready to raise the kid as his own?

 

He didn’t even know where to start. It was a big surprise to know that he had a son and the boy became attached almost immediately. He looked lonely and for a moment, it reflected Jim’s childhood. He remembered how close he was to his brother, Sam, before everything went awry—before Tarsus IV happened. Grayson could be something new in his life. Maybe a challenge and Jim possibly would be failing in that department but he was sure even Bones didn’t know what he was doing and he was trying his best to be the best father he could to Joanna.

 

He couldn’t send Grayson away. It was a no-choice. He wouldn’t let any kid near an orphanage. To be sent on about from one family to the other like some prize, it wasn’t worth it. One day, when Grayson had grown up, he would realise that he did have a father and for the sake that Jim never raised him would create resentment between them.

 

He didn’t want to be that kind of a person.

 

But then, his career would change drastically. Starfleet could simply use this excuse and kick him out. He never liked the head of Starfleet. He was sure they never liked him either even though he had done more than he needed to for them. But surely they would understand, wouldn’t they?

 

Jim sighed. Was he planning on bringing Grayson up there, in space? He cringed at that thought. He couldn’t fathom the risk he would be putting his son into if he did but if he decided to leave Grayson here, who could take care of him?

 

Everybody he knew worked on his ship. Grayson was better off in space with a family-warmth crew instead of here on Earth with lonely-like care. He looked down to Grayson and wondered how in the world he had even missed the signs. Latvia really did all she could to hide this boy from him.

 

And he guessed she must have had a good reason to. He was Jim, who still slept around and worked too hard. It was obvious why she didn’t let Grayson come any closer to him. But now, he was here. He wondered if Latvia would be rolling in her grave at the moment.

 

Sighing, he recalled what Amelia said. They would bury her later this afternoon. Grayson should be there. He looked around the room silently, wondering where to go from here.

 

* * *

 

 

It was a tiny ceremony, nobody important attended. Grayson tried to keep a brave face but Jim could see through the façade. It reminded him of him when he was young. He knew what it felt to be abandoned and alone and Jim found himself trying to connect to him by the end of the day. He said some words to her, apologising to her for being such a jerk. He wished he could tell her that he was confident he wouldn’t leave Grayson alone but he was scared to make it a promise, instead, he promised her that he wouldn’t make things harder than necessary for Grayson.

 

By the time Jim had reached back to San Francisco, Grayson was sleeping against him, muttering unintelligible words. They had gotten something to eat along the way but Grayson had shut down by the time he tried to make small talk with the boy. Jim sighed gently as he placed Grayson on the bed and crawled in next to him. The boy turned around and hugged Jim and for a while, he tensed up before shrugging the panic off and hugged him back.

 

Slept came easy after that for the second night in a row.

 

* * *

 

Third day was slightly better, Jim mused as he got used to the boy easily. Grayson however still tipped toed around Jim as if he was too scared that the captain would snap at him and throw him out of the door. Guilt washed into the youngest captain as he sighed, watching how Grayson moved about in his house after breakfast, his eyes would glaze over Jim for a moment before looking away.

 

“Okay,” Jim started as he sat on the couch next to Grayson. “What do you want to do today?”

 

Grayson looked at Jim for a second before he opened his mouth. After a second, he closed his mouth and shrugged. Jim frowned at that before he sighed, wondering what he should do. “Well, uh,” he started as he ran his fingers through his hair. Jim bit his bottom lip before remembering one of Bones’s advices from yesterday night’s late call. “So, tell me about you.”

 

Grayson looked at Jim for a second. “What about me?” he asked timidly.

 

“I mean,” Jim said after a pause. “Like, what do you do? Do you go to school? If you do, well, if you did I would’ve known about it, the school would’ve called. Maybe. Uh, well,” Jim stopped, realising he was at the dead end.

 

Ask about him and the conversation should flow, Bones said.

 

Well, Bones was _wrong_.

 

It didn’t flow. The boy just stared at Jim before he said, “I—I’m seven years old.”

 

Jim smiled though, at least he was talking a bit more than usual. “I see.”

 

After a minute, not getting any other responses back, Jim asked again. “Do you—like to watch movies?”

 

“Yeah?” Grayson said but it sounded like a question. Jim raised his eyebrows, wondering what to do with that answer.

 

“You know,” he said as he shuffled closer to the boy. “You don’t have to be so afraid of me. I’m—I’ll take care of you.”

 

Grayson didn’t answer but his eyes did flicker away, alarming Jim that something was wrong. “Okay.”

 

“Okay?” Jim said. “Grayson? You know if there’s anything wrong, you can tell me, right?”

 

“Do you want me?”

 

Jim blinked at that question, his heart stopping for a millisecond before resuming beating. The insecurity on that boy’s face made him realise something then. “Grayson,” he said seriously as he licked his dry lips. “You’re not a thing for me to not want you. You’re my—you’re my son.”

 

Grayson stared at Jim’s face before nodding. “But do you want me?”

 

“Of course I do!” Jim exclaimed. He apologised shortly when Grayson flinched at the volume of his voice. He felt quite squelched when he was questioned like that. He may not know the boy yet, not properly but he wasn’t about to leave him alone. “Don’t ever ask that again, do you hear me?”

 

The boy nodded slowly, his blue-green eyes seemed to be a bit livelier. “Everyone didn’t believe my mommy.”

 

Jim looked at the boy carefully, wondering what it was this time that had the boy down. “Why?” he asked after a while.

 

“Because everyone didn’t believe that Captain James Tiberius Kirk was my father,” he said slowly. “My mommy said that they didn’t know the truth because they wouldn’t believe it.”

 

Jim sighed, nodding, knowing why people had said such things. It was his fault though, he hadn’t given an impression that he could keep a family within his reach. To be told the truth, he didn’t want a family within his reach. But life had weird ways of twisting things and now, Grayson was here.

 

“Were you—teased?” he asked quietly and Grayson took a moment to pause before nodding. Jim bit his bottom lip before he slowly dragged the boy into a hug. Grayson tensed for a while before he relaxed and hugged Jim back. “You won’t get teased again. I promise.”

 

“My mommy said you wouldn’t like me if you knew I existed,” Grayson said. Jim could only mutter short curses at the woman—wondering what type of words she had sown in his own son’s head. But even within all those façade, he knew that she had a point to thinking like that. Well, she was dead now, it was his turn to change some things about his own son’s mentality about his father.

 

“That’s not true,” Jim said. “I mean, I’ll end up panicking like I did two days ago but—I wouldn’t hate you, Grayson.” He ran his fingers through Grayson’s blond hair and smiled at how shiny it looked. “I won’t hate you, ever.”

 

Grayson nodded as he cradled his face deeper into Jim’s chest. Jim let him. The captain found himself actually liking these hugs as days went by. There were a few things that connected them at the beginning but slowly he found other soft spots that he could connect to. He could almost immediately figure out what the boy was going through because it was almost a similar situation to when Jim was a kid too.

 

The teases, maybe spurs of name calling mostly because he didn’t marry Latvia and he never came and checked up on Grayson for seven years. He sighed as he looked down to his son and realised then that he wouldn’t leave him alone either.

 

It was going to be a challenging task, maybe he would end up messing up halfway but at least, he was doing something right.

 

He wouldn’t make repeat his own childhood for his son.

 

Things would be different for the boy and he was going to make sure of it.

 

* * *

 

It had been three days after that and Jim and Grayson were getting along much better than the previous days. Grayson still had that sense of security when he experienced new changes but with Jim, he was beginning to relax a little. Jim got to know a bit more of Grayson like what he liked to eat and what his favourite movie was.

 

Like before Jim, Grayson was home-schooled mostly to avoid commotion about the father. Jim later discovered that Grayson was interested everything related to space—something that was too advanced for a seven-year-old to understand. He guessed the Kirk intelligence was being carried down as well.

 

He was—proud—he supposed when he saw Grayson picking up his PADD once and asked him about what those words mean and Jim—well—he was always ready to talk about his work to someone who wasn’t in his field. It amazed Grayson and for the first time in a while, Grayson smiled up at him and he hadn’t realised how vibrant and bright the smile was.

 

Nightmares still plunged the boy. But Jim was there every night. Every night he would hug the boy and calm him down and every night, the boy did calm down and snuggle up to Jim like he was the only thing in the world that could make him feel alright. And in a way—Jim was beginning to realise that it was the truth.

 

So, by the time Amelia came by to check on him, Jim decided against the letters and forms to resign him away from his parental status. Amelia was impressed and she was smiling widely at Jim. “I see you finally accepted your responsibility,” she said.

 

Jim just smiled at her as he shrugged. “Well, if I’m going to be a dad, better do the best I can, right?”

 

“Indeed,” she said before she nodded. “Well, if that is all then, I wish you luck, Jim.”

 

Jim just gave her his boyish grin before nodding. With that, it was official—he was having a son in his care. Bones came by that afternoon, patting Jim on the shoulders with his rare smile before looking around for his son. “Where’s my godchild, Jim?”

 

“Godchild?” Jim asked. Bones rolled his eyes at the captain.

 

“I would obviously be the godfather, Jim,” Bones said and Jim chuckled, nodding at that. “So, where’s Grayson?”

 

“In my room,” he said as he walked over to the bedroom and opened the door. “He’s reading some stuff.”

 

“Isn’t that your PADD?” Bones asked as he watched how mesmerised the boy looked, scrolling through the PADD. “He knows what he’s reading?”

 

“A little,” Jim said with a proud smile beaming out from his face. Bones glanced at him before he smirked.

 

“Well, look who’s all proud and domesticated,” Bones said and Jim looked at Bones before huffing and crossing his arms against his chest.

 

“Well, he’s my kid,” he said and Bones raised his eyebrows at that.

 

“Jim,” he started. “I thought I would die first before I get to see this side of you.”

 

“Shut up, Bones,” Jim bit out without venom before walking into the room. “Grayson?” he called out and the boy looked up from the PADD, a curious look played in his eyes before they flickered to Bones. “You remember, Bones, right?”

 

“Bones,” Grayson tested the name out before he nodded shyly and clutched the PADD tight. “Hello.”

 

Bones smiled gently at Grayson before cautiously walking up to the boy. “Hey,” he said. “What are you reading?”

 

“Warp theory, I think,” Grayson said as he looked at Jim for confirmation. Jim nodded before grinning. The boy smiled tiny before looking at Bones.

 

“Warp theory?” he questioned out loud, sounding a bit in awe. “Do you understand what you’re reading?”

 

“A little,” Grayson answered honestly. “I like reading though.”

 

Bones nodded at that, smiling still before looking at Jim and raising his eyebrows. “You should learn from the kid, Jim. He does productive things.”

 

“Hey,” Jim said. “I like reading too!”

 

Grayson had gone back to reading, ignoring the two adults and Bones couldn’t help but to chuckle. The doctor didn’t push his presence around Grayson much but he did visit every now and then until Grayson got used to the doctor.

 

It had almost been two weeks since Grayson was here and Jim’s life began to pace back to normal—well—as normal as someone with a kid could have. Just then, a call from Scotty had Jim scrabbling to the comm, answering it quickly with a hello as he ate his breakfast and watched Grayson eat his.

 

“Jim,” Scotty’s accent rung out. “The lady will be ready in another two weeks.”

 

Jim grinned at that. “That’s great news, Scotty,” he said. “We’ll be flying off by then?”

 

“Yea’ sure can bet it,” Scotty said. Jim looked at Grayson from across the table before realising that he had to inform the Starfleet about this. He needed permission to bring his child on board. “Jim?”

 

“Uh,” Jim said startled out from his thoughts. “Okay, then. Anything else?”

 

“No,” Scotty said with a joyous tone. “I’ll see ya soon, Jim.”

 

“You too, Scotty,” Jim said before ending the comm call. Grayson looked up from his meal before asking what it was through his eyes. Jim gave out a grin before saying, “How would you feel like going into space with me?”

 

Grayson looked at Jim for a second before saying, “How?”

 

“Well, with my ship, of course,” Jim said as Grayson’s eyes began to twinkle.

 

“Can I really?” he asked, sounding hopeful.

 

“Sure,” Jim said with a shrug. “I just need to settle some things first. Will you be fine if Bones came around to babysit you?”

 

“Bones?” Grayson said before nodding. “Where are you going?” he asked after a second, his eyes a bit frightful. Jim just smiled at the boy.

 

“I’ll be back sooner than you think, okay? I just need to get a permission slip to get you on board.”

 

Grayson nodded at that and Jim just smiled.

 

* * *

 

Jim had set up the call with the one in charge, hoping that they would at least consider his pleas. The admiral simply stared at him as he sighed, rubbing his face. “You’re telling me, you have a son. A seven-year-old son and you want to bring him on board the ship? During the middle of your five-year-mission?”

 

Jim knew what this man was thinking and to be honest, if he could have his way, he would’ve kicked his ass a long time ago. Jim narrowed his eyes at the scrutinising tone and said, “Yes. Sir.”

 

“Jim,” Admiral Gordon said as he stood up and started to pace his office. “This is a Federation ship, we’re talking about. Not a family ship. It’s not suitable for a child to be on board.”

 

“I can’t leave him here,” Jim said. “I need to bring him with me.”

 

“And what if something happened to the ship? To the crew members? What would happen to your kid, Jim?” he questioned. “You’re a single parent now. And you’re the Captain of the U.S.S Enterprise. Are you going to mix both your parental skills and commanding skills during a fight?”

 

Jim bit his tongue down. He knew that the Admirals of Starfleet still had their doubts on Jim. He was young and every bit reckless. But he had done his job attentively and it was a wonder why they couldn’t see it even after what he did. Sighing, he said, “I can handle it. I need Grayson to be on board with me. He has nobody down here! I can’t leave him, I won’t.”

 

The admiral stared at Jim before he said, “I can’t give you an answer now. I have to talk to the other board members before deciding on this. You’ll know your answer in another few hours.”

 

Jim nodded, smiling a bit at the admiral. “Thank you, Admiral.”

 

* * *

 

The meeting went on for almost two hours, Jim waiting outside of the room wondering what the answer was going to be. His wait didn’t last much longer though when he was called inside. Jim walked in, feeling a bit nervous even though he didn’t show it on his face.

 

“So, we heard you want to bring your son on board?” one of the members spoke and Jim nodded.

 

“Yes, sir,” he said.

 

“It is a rather peculiar situation,” he continued. “But not rare.”

 

“We have made our mind about it,” another spoke. “And we have taken everything you’ve said to Admiral Gordon in consideration.”

 

Jim nodded as he waited for someone to say something. “We—grant you permission to bring the child on board the ship. But, under a condition.”

 

“And the condition is?” Jim asked.

 

“The condition is that you find a second guardian for the child before you beam back on the ship.”

 

Jim let the words sink in his mind before he relaxed his stance and looked at them like they were wearing clown hats. “I’m sorry?” he said. “What do you mean, second guardian?” He was beginning to sound defensive and the admirals simply shook their heads at him.

 

“We mean,” Admiral Gordon said, saving the situation from turning ugly. “We believe it would be in the best interest for the child if he had another guardian. Someone to look after him while you’re working. Or when you’re away in missions. Someone to stay by his side. Did you expect to bring the child to the bridge or with the away team?”

 

Jim clicked his jaw tight, realising it was some truth. “But who do you have in mind for the second parent?”

 

“That’s for you to decide,” Gordon continued. “Decide on the guardian and inform us for the paperwork before you beam up to your ship. Either you do this, or the child doesn’t go anywhere near the ship.”

 

Jim settled with just agreeing before exiting the room. His mind was reeling now, already sorting through the list of people to actually ask for this favour. He guessed it would make sense to have a second guardian for the kid. But where in the world—or better yet—who in the world was he going to ask for a second guardian?

 

Bones?

 

Well, Jim guessed he would make a great choice since he did have a kid of his own. As he walked down the hallways heading to the exit, he was already reaching out his comm from his pocket to call Bones about it. But before he could do it, someone had called him.

 

“Jim?”

 

Jim turned around and grinned when he saw Spock, looking at him for a moment before jogging up to him. “Hey, Spock,” Jim said as he decided to call Bones later. He hadn’t really seen Spock since Grayson showed up in his life. A sudden wash of guilt took over him as he realised he hadn’t told Spock about his kid. All that he had in his mind at the moment was how to take care of his kid and let Bones know about it. Spock—even though he was now like a second best friend to Jim—didn’t know about it.

 

“How have you been, Jim?” he asked. “We have not seen each other for the past one point nine weeks.”

 

Jim gave him a lopsided grin. “Sorry, Spock,” he said slapping Spock’s right shoulder. He was glad Spock got used to his no-personal-space problem. Sure, he didn’t actually touch Spock like he did his other crewmembers but there were still touches here and there. At first Spock would go rigid but soon, he got used to it, Jim supposed and just took it with stride. “I have been busy. What’re you doing here?”

 

“I had a business to attend to,” he said. “I have just concluded it. Would you like to get something to drink?”

 

“Coffee?” Jim offered and Spock nodded. With that, they started to walk out of the building, walking down the streets to get to the nearest café. “How have you been?”

 

“I have been well,” Spock said.

 

“Ah,” Jim said. “Did you hear about Enterprise? She’ll be ready in another two more weeks.”

 

Spock nodded. “Indeed,” he said. “We will be back in space by then.”

 

“Missing the space already?” Jim teased and Spock just gave him a quirk of the lips.

 

“I confess that I did feel the need to head in space even though it was nice to be back on Earth after so long,” Spock said.

 

“Me too,” Jim said with a gleeful smile. “I’m sorry I haven’t visited or talked to you, Spock. I just have a lot on my mind at the moment.”

 

“I am not offended, Jim,” Spock said. “But if you do not mind, I would like to know what it is that is on your mind at the moment. Perhaps I could be assistance?”

 

Jim glanced at Spock for a moment as they entered the café. The young captain didn’t say anything as he ordered for his coffee meanwhile Spock ordered his Vulcan Spice Tea. Sipping onto his coffee as he sat on the chair with Spock opposite of him, he tried to word the sentence in his mind.

 

“I have a kid, Spock,” he said finally.

 

Spock looked at Jim for a moment. Jim could see his shoulders had gone tense. “A child, Jim?”

 

“Yeah,” Jim said. “I have a seven-year-old son.”

 

“I see,” Spock said quietly as he sipped onto his tea. After a second, he said, “I did not know you had a child.”

 

“I didn’t either,” Jim said as he chuckled. “I mean, I just found out that I had a kid about two weeks ago.”

 

Spock looked at Jim with his eyes clouding with confusion before a tiny-almost unnoticeable frown worked on his lips. “I do not understand.”

 

Jim sipped onto his coffee before he told Spock about it. “I received a call three in the morning about my kid being held by the child service in New York. His mother, Latvia Heights, one of my one-night-stands was pregnant with my child when I left for my mission. She died in a fire and I have the kid now.”

 

“It is your child, then?” Spock asked and Jim nodded.

 

“It is mine,” he said even though Jim ended up smiling at the end. “He’s my kid, yeah. I was freaked out for a few days, I mean, I even did a paternity test and I’m the father. But Spock, just after knowing him for two weeks, he’s already amazing.”

 

Spock quirked his lips upward for a second making Jim grin. “But you are leaving in another two weeks.”

 

Jim’s grin simmered into a sheepish smile. “Uhm,” he said. “I’m bringing him with me. He’s the new addition to the Enterprise.”

 

“That,” Spock started. “Is an illogical move. It is unadvisable to bring a child to a non-familial ship.”

 

“Yeah, but Spock,” Jim started. “He’s an orphan without me. I—I can’t do that to him. Besides, it’s too late. I got the permission from the ‘fleet. He’s coming with me.”

 

“Jim,” Spock said seriously, his eyes locking down to Jim’s blue ones. “You are the captain of the ship. Are you capable of handling two big responsibilities?”

 

“Now, just because I just found out I’m a dad doesn’t mean I can’t do it,” Jim said slightly offended.

 

“I did not mean it to sound offensive,” Spock said quickly and Jim just shrugged that off. “It is merely because I am ensuring you are making the right decision.”

 

“I am,” Jim insisted.

 

Spock remained quiet before giving a nod. “Very well. I will support you with this decision then.”

 

Jim gave out a huff of relief before smiling. “Thanks, Spock.”

 

Spock just sipped his tea as an answer. Silence settled between them before Jim said, “Oh, but ah, I have to find a second guardian for Grayson.”

 

Spock once again tensed as he looked at Jim. “Grayson is your son’s name?”

 

“Yeah?” Jim said. “Grayson Timothy Kirk.”

 

“Grayson was my mother’s last name,” Spock said after a moment. Jim bit his bottom lip before chuckling nervously.

 

“I’m sorry,” he said.

 

“It is unnecessary to apologise,” Spock said after a while. “You were discussing about finding a second guardian?”

 

“Yeah,” Jim said, changing the subject. “That’s one of the conditions. I have to find a second guardian for him. Just to make sure he wouldn’t be left alone in the ship when I’m on the bridge or in an away team.”

 

“You were not supposed to be in an away team initially,” Spock said.

 

“And where’s the fun in staying behind and watch my team getting shot at?” Jim said with a grin. “I thought maybe Bones could do it.”

 

Spock thinned his lips. “Doctor McCoy does seem to be a capable candidate.”

 

“Yeah?” Jim said. “I’ll call him now and talk to him then.”

 

“But,” Spock started, catching Jim’s attention. “I would not mind helping you, Jim.”

 

Jim stopped for a moment as he stared at Spock. Right, maybe he was indeed going deaf after all. He blinked for a few seconds before he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “Uhm, what are you? You want to be the second guardian?”

 

“If you will allow me,” Spock said, nodding. Jim’s throat felt dry all of a sudden as he looked away from Spock.

 

“Look, Spock,” he said. “It’s not that I don’t want it to be you—but—are you sure?”

 

“I do not see a problem,” Spock said, raising his eyebrows in a manner. “Is my person being Vulcan propose a problem?”

 

“No!” Jim said quickly, locking eyes with Spock. “God, no. Don’t ever say that. No. It’s just that…I don’t want to trouble you.”

 

“It will not propose a problem to me, Jim,” Spock said confidently. “I—I confess that even though I would be lacking parental skills, I would still like to help you Jim, as the duty of a First Officer and as a—friend.”

 

Jim considered this for a moment before he sighed. “But—what about you? Aren’t you in a relationship with Uhura? Spock, once you agree with this thing, it’s kinda like partnership.”

 

Spock continued to raise his eyebrows and Jim wondered for a moment if maybe the eyebrows could go any higher. Wait, yes, it could. “Nyota and I have terminated our romantic relationship before the five-year-mission started. She is and always be my friend however. I am aware as to what I am offering, Jim. Unless you would not like me to be the second guardian due to the fact that I am half-Vulcan, I would understand.”

 

Jim gaped at that as he scrunched his eyebrows. “You and Uhura are over?”

 

“Your skill to pick apart the conversation is admirable,” Spock said dryly. Jim couldn’t help but to laugh.

 

“And they say you don’t have humour,” Jim said cheekily.

 

“Vulcans do not have humour,” Spock said matter-of-factly.

 

“No,” Jim agreed. “But you do, don’t you?”

 

Spock quirked his lips upward slightly, his eyes shimmering in that same fond expression. “Perhaps.”

 

Jim nodded before he said, “Want to meet my kid first? After—knowing him a little, maybe I can make the decision. He’s still new to my world and he needs to get used to the people first before he can confidently be with them.”

 

Spock sipped his Vulcan Spice Tea and said, “I wouldn’t be adverse to that idea, Jim.”

 

* * *

 

Spock ended up following Jim back to his apartment. Walking into his apartment, he grinned wide when he saw his son sitting down and reading out from his PADD while Bones was sitting next to him, explaining what those words meant. Grayson looked up from his PADD when Jim walked in and smiled.

 

“Jim,” Bones said as he looked at the captain before his eyes landed on Spock. “Spock.”

 

“Doctor McCoy,” Spock said. Jim walked to Grayson before smiling and gently prying the PADD out of his hands.

 

“Grayson,” Jim said as he looked at the boy.

 

“Yeah?” the boy said as his blue-green eyes flickered to Spock. “Who is he?”

 

“He’s Commander Spock, my First Officer,” Jim said. “And my second best friend.”

 

Grayson remained quiet as he slowly stood up and walked to the half-Vulcan. Jim followed him before Spock crouched down to look at the kid. “Greetings,” Spock said as he raised his _ta’al_. “I am Spock, son of Sarek. You must be Grayson Timothy Kirk.”

 

Grayson stared at Spock for a moment before nodding. “Hello,” he said quietly before he looked at Jim. Jim nodded at him before Grayson looked back at Spock. Before Jim could say anything else, Grayson spoke out. “You have pointed ears.”

 

Bones scoffed out loud. Spock just gave Bones a wavering look before looking back at Grayson. “I am a Vulcan.”

 

“Oh,” Grayson said. “I never saw a Vulcan before.”

 

“Now you have,” Jim said. Grayson then looked at Jim with a cautious look on his face.

 

“Can I?” he asked Jim. “Can I touch them?”

 

Jim looked alarmed for a second before looking at Spock. “Only if Spock says it’s okay.”

 

Grayson looked back at Spock and Jim knew that the boy even though he was curious, he was also slightly intimidated. He gingerly said, “Can I touch them? Your ears.”

 

Spock nodded. “You can.”

 

Grayson then slowly reached out before placing them at the top of his ears before feeling them. “Soft,” Grayson said and Jim couldn’t help but to grin at that.

 

“Thank you,” Spock said, as if it was a compliment. Grayson smiled a bit before he stepped back.

 

“Well, since Spock’s here,” Bones said. “What’s going on?”

 

Jim looked at Bones before looking at Grayson. “They’ve granted Grayson to be on board the ship.”

 

Bones nodded at that before crossing his arms against his chest. “But what, Jim?”

 

“But I need a second guardian,” Jim said quickly. “And it’s either you or Spock.”

 

“Spock?” Bones questioned as he looked at the commander. “You?”

 

“I believe so, Doctor,” Spock said as dryly as he could.

 

“Well, I didn’t know hobgoblins feel anything at all let alone feel enough to take care of a kid,” Bones said, even though it wasn’t with venom. It was more like a hint of caution and curiosity, which was rare for Bones to emit. Spock noticed the tone and stood up.

 

“I believe that is quite misleading,” Spock said. “It is true that Vulcans follow the logical way to living but we do not feel nothing, Doctor. We just chose not to feel. However, that does not mean we do not harbour any sort of attachment for our offspring. We do, in fact, act like any other parents when it comes to our children.”

 

Jim smiled at that before looking down to Grayson. “But—I’m not making the decision now. Let Grayson get used to this first.”

 

“Fine by me,” Bones said. “Jim, whether or not I end up as a second guardian, I have already automatically earned a place in the boy’s life. I’m his uncle.”

 

“Oh, now it’s uncle?” Jim teased but nodded before looking at Spock. “You can come and hang out with Grayson any time you want, Spock.”

 

“It would be an honour,” Spock said as he looked at Grayson.

 

* * *

 

 

Spock came by after that, mostly every day for the past two weeks. Bones was here on and off before telling Jim that it was alright if he chose Spock. Bones didn’t need to have a certificate allowing him to be with Grayson. He simply could because he can. Jim only sighed, nodding. Spock was surprisingly good with Grayson though. He would sit next to the kid and he would talk about everything and anything that Grayson asked.

 

Bones was mostly there to monitor his eating habits and if Spock wasn’t around and Jim had to run some errands before the mission, Bones would keep Grayson occupied with his medical knowledge that Grayson would sometimes beg him to tell.

 

Jim knew that despite it all, his friends really did adore Grayson. Spock, especially, didn’t flinch or move away whenever Grayson touched him. Jim wondered why he didn’t tense like he usually did. Regardless whether Grayson was still a child or not, it should’ve felt uncomfortable getting touched so much whenever he came over.

 

Just like today, Spock had come over to revise the next mission they were going to be doing once they get back in space and sat down next to Grayson who was busy asking questions about the Enterprise. Jim slowly learned that his son was a curious kid. He wanted to know how everything worked and despite being only seven-years-old, he was really good at understanding even the most complex theories.

 

“Is your blood green?” Grayson asked one day. Spock simply raised his eyebrows the way he always did when a human asked a weird, illogical question. But after a moment, he quirks his lips up and nodded.

 

“Affirmative, it is—copper-based to be precise,” he said and Grayson nodded.

 

“And—Orion’s are almost the same colour, right?” he asked again as he pursed his lips. Jim couldn’t help but to bite the smile that threatened to spill on his lips as he prepared lunch.

 

“Yes,” Spock said after a while. “Has Doctor McCoy taught you xenobiology again?”

 

“Yeap,” Grayson said. Spock caught Jim’s eyes and the captain simply shrugged at the half-Vulcan. Grayson at first was a bit intimidated with Spock’s non-emotional facial expression and when he was about to go to sleep, he asked Jim if Spock had any emotions. Jim simply told him the baseline to why Vulcan’s rarely showed emotions and told him that if he looked closely, he could identify what Spock’s feeling from his eyes.

 

Grayson had taken that as a challenge and by the time it was nearing two weeks mark, his son could now identify what Spock’s emotions were. And then, he became close with Spock and Bones. At the end of the day, Jim had decided to just key in Spock’s name as the second guardian and an emergency contact under both Spock and Bones numbers.

 

“Don’t you get overwhelmed with his emotions?” Jim asked as Grayson had gone to take a shower, getting ready for lunch. Jim noted himself to buy a PADD for his son before they launched off. Spock was in the kitchen, looking at Jim with that same fond expression in his eyes.

 

“My shields are strong enough,” Spock said. “He does not emit any undesirable emotions either. It is mostly curiosity and amazement.”

 

Jim chuckled at that before smiling at Spock. “I keyed in your name, you know,” Jim said. Spock raised his eyebrows again. “As a second guardian.”

 

“I am—honoured, Jim,” he said. “Your son, he is indeed an intellectual child and it is an honour to have him in my care as well.”

 

Jim grinned at that. “Like father like son, eh?”

 

Spock simply did this invisible eye-roll thing in his mind and Jim could totally see it even if Spock denied it. “Though, recklessness is not one of his traits so far, for that I am grateful.”

 

“Spock,” Jim whined at that as he nudged Spock on the shoulder slightly before going back to preparing the lunch.

 

“Does Doctor McCoy agree with this arrangement?” Spock asked.

 

“You know Bones,” Jim said with a smile. “He’s still going to be a godfather for Grayson.”

 

“I see,” Spock said before nodding. “He does not seem—approving.”

 

“Nah,” Jim said. “He’s just a big worrywart, you know him. He has faith in you, Spock. He just doesn’t show it much.”

 

“I believe, the sentiment is reciprocated,” Spock said with what Jim would like to call it as a sassy-tone.

 

“I hope he’ll be alright,” Jim said after a moment. “I mean, this is in space. I already arranged his studies and who’ll teach what. But still, there’s no kids on board and I’m not sure if he’ll feel like he’d fit in.”

 

“Even so,” Spock started. “I believe everyone will find Grayson to be a pleasing addition to the Enterprise. Some of our crewmembers have families here that they could not come back to for a long extended periods of time. Grayson would be cherished.”

 

Jim smiled wide before nodding in agreement. “Family is family, no matter whom you are and where you are.”

 

“Indeed.”

 

“I’m going to try and be the best dad as I can be,” Jim said before looking at Spock. “I’m glad you’d be with me along the way.”

 

“As do I,” Spock agreed.

 

* * *

 

The day to finally beam back up on the ship had arrived and Jim was glowing in pride when he saw his ship repaired and ready to sail through the stars once again. Grayson was next to him, holding onto his hand as he clutched onto his very own PADD. Jim had bought for him one a day before they were leaving.

 

“Grayson, meet the lady, the U.S.S Enterprise,” Jim said as they head to their lockdown coordinates. Grayson was in awe, Jim could tell. He was glancing at everyone who walked past him and his eyes would connect back to the ship. “Isn’t she a beauty?”

 

“She is,” Grayson said. “Is she really a lady?”

 

“Well,” Jim said with a shrug but a contagious grin was on his face. “She is a lady to me.”

 

Grayson looked at Jim before his eyes darted to his gold shirt. “Captain.”

 

“Yeah,” Jim said. “And one day, if you want to be in command track like me, you’ll be a captain too.”

 

Grayson nodded, something that looked like determination working in his eyes and Jim couldn’t help but to ruffle his hair up at that. His blond locks messed up, Grayson immediately smiled. Jim was getting more attached to the boy and he knew that somehow deep inside, he was already regretting the time he hadn’t spent with the kid. But now, he would make every second count.

 

He was James Tiberius Kirk, he could do it.

 

“Beaming up, Captain,” Scotty’s voice called out from the comm and Jim grinned before looking down at Grayson.

 

“Ready?” he asked. Grayson nodded before tightening his grip on Jim’s fingers. “Two to beam up, Scotty.”

 

“Aye, Captain.”

 

Immediately, Jim and Grayson materialised on the pad in the Transporter room. Jim knew that before he did anything captain-related, he had to inform the crew about the new arrival. Scotty, who was behind the transporter consoles, looked up and beamed when he saw the captain. His eyes then dropped to the boy next to him and his smile turned into a confused loop.

 

Jim just rolled his eyes before he looked at Scotty. “Long story,” he said. “Let’s set up a meeting before heading out.”

 

“Aye, Captain,” Scotty said slowly as Jim walked out of the Transporter room, Grayson following Jim closely, eyeing Scotty for a moment before walking out. It took a few minutes until everyone gathered up in the briefing room and Grayson was next to him. Uhura stared wide eyed at the scene in front of her before looking at Sulu and Chekov—who both had the same expressions on their faces.

 

“I’m here,” Bones said as he walked in. His eyes caught onto Jim before looking at Grayson. “Hey, kid.” Grayson let Jim’s fingers go and rushed to Bones for a hug.

 

“You’re here too,” Grayson said and Bones chuckled before nodding.

 

“Keptin?” Chekov called out slowly. “Ze kid?”

 

“Ah, yes,” Jim said. “Let’s wait for Spock first.” In a few seconds, Spock then came into the room, looking at everyone before looking down to Grayson. Grayson looked at Spock and gave him the _ta’al_ , just like how Spock taught him to do. Spock greeted him back before Grayson hugged him to. Spock didn’t seem to mind before he let the kid go.

 

Everyone else looked at them blanched. “Right, what the hell?” Sulu called out and Uhura nodded.

 

“Aye, Captain,” Scotty said as well.

 

“Right,” Jim said slowly before he said. “Everyone, meet Grayson Timothy Kirk. He’s seven-years-old and he’s—my son.”

 

It was eerily silent in here. Jim felt cold all of a sudden.

 

“Son?” Scotty asked, breaking the silence. “You have a son? Why didn’ you tell us?”

 

“That’s because I just knew about him about a month ago,” Jim said. “He’s good looking like his father though, right?” Uhura rolled her eyes before she gave out a smile.

 

“Go on, Grayson,” Jim ushered the boy. “This is my crewmembers. Well, part of my crewmembers. I’ll introduce to the rest when we meet them along the way.”

 

“Hi,” Grayson said timidly.

 

“Hello,” Chekov said with a smile on his own adoring his face. “I’m Pavel Chekov. Ensign Pavel Chekov.”

 

“Hi,” Grayson repeated his greetings as he looked at the Russian. He gave an awkward smile before shuffling close to Jim.

 

“I’m Lieutenant Hikaru Sulu,” Sulu said next.

 

“He’s the pilot,” Jim said. “And Chekov is our navigator.”

 

“Oh,” Grayson said slowly before his eyes flickered to Uhura. Uhura smiled warmly at him before introducing herself.

 

“I’m Lieutenant Commander Nyota Uhura,” she said. “I’m this ship’s Chief Communication Officer.”

 

“I’m Scotty,” Scotty said. “Lieutenant Commander Montgomery Scott. But everybody calls me Scotty. I’m the Chief Engineer.”

 

“So, since everybody is introduced,” Jim said as he looked down to Grayson and then looking back to Spock and Bones. Bones had already taken a seat near Uhura and nodded. “He will be staying with us from now on. Everything else detailed will be explained later but for now, he’s under my care and—Spock’s.”

 

Uhura’s eyes widened as she looked at Spock and back at Jim before something twinkled in her eyes. Jim didn’t like that twinkle but he tossed it away from his thoughts. “Obviously things are going to be a bit different like I wouldn’t be joining the away mission much and even I did, Spock would be on board.”

 

“Now, that _is_ a change,” Bones said. Jim tossed a look at Bones which only was returned with a slight gruff.

 

In everything else, Spock only gave a few words of his work before he started to brief over their new mission. Grayson was sitting next to Chekov during the briefing, listening closely. Jim was proud of his son that he didn’t make any ruckus, in fact, he remained quiet and watched everyone else talk.

 

After everything was wrapped up, Jim had to get back to the bridge to resume his job. He needed to get them moving now. So, he walked with Grayson to the hallways until they reached to his room. Jim didn’t want Grayson to be staying in another room. It would make it easier if Grayson stayed in his room until he asked for a room of his own.

 

“Now,” Jim started as Grayson sat on the bed with the PADD in his hands. “I have a ship to get to. Would you mind staying in here while I finish my shift?”

 

“When will the shift end?” he asked slowly.

 

“Soon,” Jim said. “Someone will come over to check on you. So, just be quiet here okay? I’ll be back sooner than you think.” But Grayson simply nodded. He didn’t seem fazed, already looking around his room. Just then, Jim caught him looking at some books scattered on the desk. Jim walked to his desk and picked the book that once belonged to his father and handed it to Grayson. “It’s a book.”

 

Grayson gingerly took it before he placed the PADD next to him and opened it. “Filled with words.”

 

“Yeap,” Jim said. “Will you be fine? For a few hours?”

 

Grayson looked up before nodding. “I will be fine.”

 

“If anything happens or you need anything, anything at all, just press this comm and talk to me, okay?” Jim said. “But only if you’re in emergency. It’s not a plaything.”

 

Grayson nodded again, understanding what Jim was trying to say. “I will be fine.”

 

Jim looked at Grayson for a second before he looked around the room and found that some of Grayson’s things were already here, like the picture of Latvia. Smiling gently, he looked back at Grayson and nodded. With that, he did something he didn’t think he would do. He sat down at the edge of the bed and dragged the boy into a short hug before kissing the top of his head. Running his fingers through Grayson’s hair, he smiled.

 

“Be good,” he said. Grayson smiled back at Jim.

 

“I will,” he said.

 

“I’ll come by for lunch,” Jim said. “We can head to the mess hall to eat something.”

 

“Okay,” Grayson said.

 

“But if you needed something first, you can use the replicator,” Jim said. “Do you need anything before I leave?”

 

“No,” Grayson said. “I’m fine.”

 

“Okay,” Jim said, finding himself suddenly reluctant to leave. “Okay.” After a second, he smiled mischievously. “So, before I go, I want to ask.”

 

“What?” Grayson asked.

 

“How are you feeling being on board the Enterprise?”

 

Grayson seemed to smile at Jim before saying, “It’s—fascinating.”

 

“Fascinating, huh?” Jim chuckled.

 

“Yes,” Grayson said. “And everybody’s nice too.”

 

“Of course,” Jim said.

 

“Captain,” Uhura’s voice cut through the comm. “Captain, please report to the bridge.”

 

“On my way, Uhura,” Jim said as he clicked the comm. “Okay, gotta go.”

 

“Okay,” Grayson said for the umpteenth time before he grabbed the book and started to open it gently. Jim felt a smile once again tugging on his face before sighing and standing up. Walking to the door, he looked at Grayson one last time and walked out, the door closing behind him as he made way to the bridge.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I hope this was okay~ I tried my best! I mean, there might be misinformation but Google can only do so much. I'm glad you guys are enjoying this~! I hope you guys continue to enjoy this chapter too! It's a bit slow build but it'll reach spirk soon~ And uhm, well, until the next chapter~! -Krystal


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Not mine! I own nothing but the plot.

 

 

Like Jim said he would, he picked Grayson up for lunch and they headed to the mess hall. Grayson ordered something like spaghetti and well, Jim really couldn’t say no to him. But too bad Bones was already in the mess hall and ordered for him his lunch, pushing the plate of— _veggies_ —towards him while Jim placed the plate of spaghetti in front of Grayson.

 

Jim eyed the plate in disgust before looking at Bones, who had sat in front of them to enjoy his soup something. “Bones,” Jim started.

 

“Not a word, Jim,” Bones cut him off with a glare. “You had your fun. Now you have to start eating like what I prescribed.”

 

“But Bones!” Jim protested.

 

“Do it for your kid,” Bones started. “You don’t want to set a bad example, do you?”

 

That _bastard_.

 

Jim mustered up the worst type of glare he could and aimed at Bones, who by the way was already ignoring Jim and was entertaining Grayson. “I hate you, Bones.”

 

“You too,” Bones said absent-mindedly as he listened to Grayson talk about the book he just read.

 

Jim picked up his fork and looked at the plate in utter horror before he sighed in defeat and shoved a forkful into his mouth. He could already feel his body screaming in agony. It was a wonder why he hadn’t done so yet—screaming in agony. Before he could manage another forkful, Chekov and Sulu had joined them, squishing Bones in the middle, causing the doctor to grumble.

 

“Why the hell am I squished in between you two?” Bones yapped.

 

“Language,” Jim corrected and Bones glared at him. Grayson simply looked at the helmsman and the navigator before smiling tiny.

 

“Where’s Spock?” Grayson asked.

 

“He’ll be here soon,” Sulu said. “So, I heard you liked to read.”

 

Jim grinned, remembering telling Sulu about it when the shift was getting boring. He decided he would just answer the questions aimed at him. Sooner or later he would have to let them know about the whole truth anyways. Grayson nodded at that before shoving a mouthful of spaghetti into his mouth, clumsily getting it around his lips.

 

Bones rolled his eyes before he took a tissue and wiped the boy’s lips. “Messy eating habits, kid.”

 

“Sorry,” Grayson said even though he didn’t really sound apologetic. Bones muttered something about ‘this is definitely your kid’ before looking at Jim. The captain simply grinned before he ran his fingers through the boy’s hair.

 

“What do you like to read?” Sulu continued talking to Grayson.

 

“Uhm,” the boy started. “Warp theories.”

 

Chekov beamed at that as he shuffled closer to Bones, trying to get closer to the boy. Bones grumbled louder this time, trying to jab Chekov out of the way. “Stop squishing me in, kid!”

 

Chekov ignored Bones and smiled bright at Grayson. “You too?”

 

Grayson nodded at him. “Do you like the Warp theories too?”

 

“Yes, I like studying about zem,” Chekov said.

 

Grayson brightened up at that as he talked about the latest theory he read and that got the attention of Chekov and Sulu, joining in the conversation meanwhile Bones was suffocating in the middle, trying to at least drink some of his soup before he gave up and clattered the spoon on the table with a harsh slam, silencing everyone on the table. Grayson looked at Bones for a moment before scrunching his eyebrows.

 

“Bones?” Grayson asked. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Could you two please stop squishing me while I’m tryin’ to eat?” Bones huffed out before he took in a deep breath so he wouldn’t scare Grayson. Grayson blinked at that before looking at both Sulu and Chekov. The ensign went a bit red before nodding and scooted a few inches away meanwhile Sulu simply shrugged and did the same.

 

Just before the conversation was about to continue, Spock walked to their table, carrying his food on his tray. Jim grinned at him before ushering Spock to sit with them. Spock sat next to Grayson, placing his food on the table. Grayson took a peek on the tray before he found the odd-coloured soup on the tray. “Is that plomeek soup?”

 

“Affirmative,” Spock said, sounding a bit surprised—well—as surprised as Jim could make out of the half-Vulcan’s tone. Grayson beamed wide before he looked at Jim.

 

“Can I taste some?” he asked and Jim bit his bottom lip.

 

“Well, uh,” he said slowly. “Okay, but—you might not like it.”

 

“Affirmative,” Spock said. “Humans have found the taste to be quite bland. It might not be pleasing to your palate.”

 

“I just want to taste,” Grayson insisted and Spock relented, pushing the tray closer to him. Jim watched carefully as his son took the spoon and lifted the soup to his lips. Gobbling it up in one go, Jim waited for that disgust look on his face. But nothing came, Grayson only licked his lips before smiling and pushing the tray back to Spock. “It doesn’t taste bland. It tastes nice.”

 

Spock looked at the boy for a second before looking back to his soup. “You enjoyed the taste?” he asked, sounding slightly perturbed.

 

“Yeap,” Grayson said before he looked at Spock. “Wasn’t I supposed to?”

 

Jim grinned before he shook his head and looked back to the plate full of salad. Bones snorted at Spock. “Looks like the kid likes hobgoblin food.”

 

Spock looked at Bones and raised his eyebrows. “It is a surprise, I agree,” he said before he looked at Grayson. “But I am pleased you found it enjoyable.”

 

Grayson nodded before he looked at the spaghetti and went back to eating. “Should I get you a new spoon, Spock?” Jim asked, a bit guiltily when he realised that Grayson had eaten from Spock’s spoon and had dropped the said spoon back into the soup. “Or a new plomeek soup?”

 

“It is unnecessary,” Spock said after a minute of consideration. He grabbed the spoon and ate the soup, ignoring Jim’s baffled look. Jim waved this weird feeling off, realising that he felt quite warm inside whenever Spock did something like this. He knew Spock liked things to be organised and he surely knew that Spock liked hygiene more than anything. To think that he would be eating out of the spoon that Grayson had used made him felt slightly warm inside.

 

It was as if his son wasn’t really a bother to Spock.

 

Chekov smiled at the scene before he brought Grayson back to his conversation, which the seven-year-old continued on. Jim was amazed, well, he was sure he wasn’t the only one, when Grayson had spoken as if he had been studying these things all his life. It was fun to hear his son talk about these things because it interested him. Spock joined in once in a while meanwhile Bones gave out flying comments that either had relevance to the conversation or not.

 

By the time Bones finally decided to head back to his Sickbay, he looked at Grayson and said, “Want to join me at the Sickbay?”

 

Grayson looked at Bones before looking at Jim. “If he doesn’t disturb you, Bones.” Jim didn’t want his kid to be an excuse for the lack of performance from any part of the crew. Bones just flicked his wrist, letting Jim know that he didn’t have that many things to do. He had done mostly everything during the first half of his shift.

 

“You still have a physical to do, Jim,” Bones said before he looked at Grayson. “Come on, kid.”

 

Jim groaned under his breath as he watched Grayson pick up his tray and gave it to Bones before smiling at Jim and Spock. He said goodbye to everyone on the table and followed Bones out of the mess hall. After that, Chekov and Sulu excused themselves to resume their stations, already chatting on about Grayson and everything else they wanted to do with him. Jim just hoped Grayson wouldn’t feel too overwhelmed.

 

“You’re right,” Jim said as he silently played with his vegetables with Spock sitting next to him eating his soup.

 

“I was correct about what?” Spock asked as he looked at Jim.

 

“About Grayson being here,” Jim said with a smile. “He’ll be cherished.”

 

“I agree,” Spock said after a while. Just then, Uhura came into the mess hall, already heading to the food replicator for her food and went to sit with them. “Nyota,” Spock greeted her and Uhura smiled back at her ex-lover. Jim felt slightly awkward as he sat in between, smiling at his Chief Communications Officer.

 

“So,” Uhura started as she looked at the both of them. “Parents.”

 

“Nyota,” Spock started. It sounded like a warning but Jim couldn’t be so sure with the way Uhura shrugged.

 

“I mean,” she said, rephrasing. “You got a kid,” she said as she pointed the fork to Jim. “You, _the_ James Tiberius Kirk, the guy who doesn’t settle down for anything, have a kid. That’s a lot to take in, Jim.”

 

Jim grinned widely at that. “Impressed?” he teased. Uhura simply rolled her eyes at him.

 

“Please,” she said. “But seriously, Jim. How?”

 

Jim hadn’t told his crew everything yet. He just sighed as he looked at Spock from the corner of his eyes before looking back at her. “Latvia Heights. That’s Grayson’s mother. She died in a fire and she was an orphan. I went to New York to look at the kid that the child service had under custody. Did a paternity test and he was mine.”

 

“Wow,” Uhura said, her eyes widening before looking at Spock. “And how did Spock become the second guardian?”

 

“He volunteered,” Jim said as he looked at Spock and gave out his best Jim Kirk SmileTM. Spock looked at Jim before he looked back at Uhura, drinking his soup.

 

“Is it true?” Uhura asked as she eyed Spock.

 

“Affirmative,” Spock said before he got up abruptly. “If you would now excuse me, Lieutenant, Captain. I would like to resume my duties.”

 

“Okay,” Jim said slightly confused at the sudden change of demeanour. Spock nodded before he gathered his tray and walked away from them. “What happened to him?” Jim asked as he looked at Uhura.

 

“I wonder,” she said more like to herself before she looked at him. “I would be returning to my duties too, Captain.”

 

Jim didn’t even have a chance to give consent when she got up and seemed to chase Spock out. Jim wondered for a moment, alone at the table, what the hell just happened. 

 

* * *

 

 

After his shift ended, Jim found himself walking into the turbo lift to the Sickbay. “Captain?” Spock called out as he stood next to Jim.

 

“Spock,” he said. “Sickbay,” Jim continued once he was inside the turbo lift. Spock raised his eyebrows as he looked at his Captain while he had his hands to his back.

 

“He is with Doctor McCoy,” Spock said. “You are going to see him.”

 

“Yeah,” Jim said, a smile carving his features. “Strange as it is, Spock. The kid’s growing on me.”

 

Spock didn’t say anything to agree or disagree with the statement. Jim had already forgotten about the weirdness at the mess hall and looked at Spock as he walked out of the turbo lift. Spock glanced at him as they continued walking side by side to the Sickbay. “I would like to see him as well, if that is something you are not averse to.”

 

“No,” Jim said. “I’m okay with it.” He furrowed his eyebrows a bit for the umpteenth time when he recalled how easy Spock was handling with this. He decided to bring this matter out to Spock later on. The doors to the Sickbay opened with a silent hiss. Jim immediately walked in, eyes scanning the room before he found his son, standing next to Bones as he listened to whatever he was saying.

 

“Grayson, Bones,” Jim said with a grin as he walked near them. Bones looked up from his PADD and eyed the Captain before looking at Spock.

 

“Well, well, well,” Bones said with a leer in his voice. “I didn’t think I would live for the day James Tiberius Kirk comes waltzing into the Sickbay on his own will.”

 

“You know that’s not true, Bones,” Jim said with a roll of his eyes. Grayson smiled at Jim before looking at Spock and nodding at him.

 

“And Spock’s here too— _voluntarily_ ,” Bones said with a grin—which almost looked evil if Jim was any closer. “We can get the physical done then.”

 

“Ah, no,” Jim said as he looked at Grayson. “I would like to spend some time with Grayson.”

 

“If the Captain is not averse to it, I would like to spend some quality time with Grayson as well,” Spock continued. Jim almost grinned wide when Spock tried to ease away as well. But Bones wasn’t letting them go any time.

 

“Hell no,” Bones said. “You two are getting your physical done today. Grayson can wait, can’t you, kid?” Bones looked at Grayson and the boy— _traitor_ —nodded.

 

“Bones,” Jim whined, already regretting slightly that he had waltzed in here.

 

“Come on, Spock,” Bones said. “Convince the baby that this is all logical.”

 

Spock simply looked at Bones dryly before he gave out a small huff of air that was equivalent to a human sigh and said, “I believe Doctor McCoy is right however much it is distasteful to have agreeing with the Doctor.”

 

“Har har, I’m laughing my ass off,” Bones grumbled.

 

“Guys, come on, kid here,” Jim said as he looked at Grayson and gave him an apologetic smile.

 

“Just get undressed and ready for your physical, Jim,” Bones said before pointing at Spock with his PADD. “You’re next in a minute.”

 

“I will be here, Doctor,” Spock said as he looked down to Grayson. The boy looked at his father getting dragged away by Bones, his blue-green eyes filling up with amusement before they locked onto Spock’s dark ones.

 

Jim, meanwhile, whined as much as he could until Bones threatened him to shut up or else he would whip out his hyposprays that were meant for Jim. That shut Jim up—for about twenty minutes. “Goddamnit, Jim! Shut the fuck up or I _will_ use those hyposprays!”

 

“Language!” Jim said in mock-horror even though he had that cocky grin on his face.

 

This time, Bones did give him a hypospray—more painful than the previous ones he had.

 

“Shit, _motherfuc_ —that fucking hurts like a bitch, Bones!” Jim said as he rubbed his neck.

 

“Language, Jim,” Bones said with a cruel smile. Jim shot him a glare before returning to his physical, this time without much fuss, still sore around the neck from the injection.

 

After that, it was Spock’s turn and even though he didn’t verbalise his protest, it still ticked Bones off from that securitising gaze Spock was giving him. Jim could clearly read between the lines. After this whole ordeal was over with, Bones had kicked them out of his Sickbay after concluding that everything was fine and Jim was still on a strict diet. Grayson said goodbye to Bones and followed them out.

 

While they walked to the turbo lift, Jim couldn’t help but to continue rubbing his neck. Damnit, Bones was evil today. “Does it hurt?” Grayson asked quietly next to him. Jim looked down and nodded.

 

“Like,” Jim said, biting his tongue from using harsh language. That would be a bit difficult since Jim was used to being so vulgar. After a minute, he said, “Like a bee sting.”

 

He glanced at Spock, wondering if he said something logical for the kid to understand. Spock simply looked at Jim and gave him the ‘eyebrows’  thing which meant that he had either done something well or something incredibly weird that Spock didn’t have time to think about. Jim huffed before looking at his son, wondering if Grayson understood.

 

“Oh,” Grayson said before nodding. Silence filled between them before they entered the turbo lift. Spock was the one to break the silence.

 

“Was your time with Doctor McCoy well spent?” he asked and Grayson nodded, beaming up.

 

“Yeah,” he said. “Bones taught me new things today.”

 

“Oh, what did he teach?” Jim asked. _How to murder someone from just giving hyposprays?_ His neck was pissed off at Bones at the moment.

 

“Well, he talked to me about your adventures and that you always get hurt,” Grayson said and Jim immediately made up his mind to kick Bones in the curb the next time he met him. “He told me the things I shouldn’t do that you always do.”

 

“Well, I don’t _always_ get hurt!” Jim exclaimed looking at Spock for support. “I only get hurt once in a while.”

 

“Jim is an exceptional Captain, Grayson,” Spock said as he looked at the kid. “Though it is true that Jim gets hurt more often than acceptable, he does it because of his job and for his crew.”

 

“That’s what Bones said to,” Grayson said.

 

“Something that the Doctor and I agree on several occasions,” Spock said with a pleased look in his eyes.

 

“Well,” Jim said, sounding slightly perturbed even though there wasn’t real venom in them. They walked down the hallways to get to their quarters before Jim looked at Spock.

 

“I would like to retire to my quarters now, Captain, if there is nothing else,” Spock said after a while.

 

Jim nodded before looking at Grayson and back at Spock. “On second thought,” he said. “Would you be averse to spend your time with us?”

 

Spock looked at Jim for a second before the corners of his lips twitched upwards.

 

“Yeah,” Grayson said after a while, smiling at Spock.

 

“Very well,” he said.

 

* * *

 

Days passed on between them after that. Jim tried to connect more often than not with his son and Grayson seemed to get along pretty well with everyone on board. His crewmembers adored Grayson. His classes started early and Jim found it pleasing that his teachers liked having him around. His bridge crew also took the liberty to talk to Grayson, hanging out with him to either listen to the boy talk or share their experiences with the youngest Kirk.

 

Sulu even found his way in Grayson’s heart and brought him to his secret botany lab. Chekov would talk everything and anything Russian, teaching Grayson some simple Russian words like ‘Hello’ or ‘How are you?’ and things like that meanwhile Sulu taught him simple Japanese.

 

Scotty took his time to get close to the boy. Jim could see that he was excited when Grayson showed genuine interest in engineering. Uhura didn’t back off either. Jim would’ve thought that it would be weird for her, her ex-boyfriend being the second guardian to his kid and all. But she didn’t show any discomfort, in fact, she talked to him.

 

Bones was simply Bones. He was Bones before Grayson and he was still Bones after Grayson. He had no filter in his mouth and he was still sharp and sarcastic but Jim didn’t see any influence on his kid. The boy simply learned to shrug things off and he learned medicine, basic, the ones that he could understand from Bones. Sometimes, when Bones was feeling extra vengeful for handling Jim’s whines the entire day, he would let Grayson know some of Jim’s embarrassing secrets.

 

And he also told him about Joanna. His daughter.

 

Spock—now he was a conundrum.

 

To be honest at first, Jim thought that Spock wanted to help because he wanted to increase the closeness between them. Jim guessed it had to be since Spock had blandly refused Bones to become the second guardian, in fact, he insisted on becoming the man for the job.

 

 Jim gave him a chance for that. But still, this was fairly new and awkward for Jim. Sharing life after work was one thing, sharing a kid at that? Now that sounded totally in a different zone. Spock acted as if this had happened to him before. He had adapted to the changes and he tried to be the best he could for Grayson. He even taught him some Vulcan.

 

Jim was in his quarters, signing off some paperwork when his son walked into his quarters one day and greeted him in Vulcan. Jim had leaped out of his seat in shock from getting disturbed before looking at Spock, who had followed Grayson inside.

 

Jim didn’t see any problem with it honestly. He was beginning to love Grayson and Spock was beginning to do so as well. Grayson was getting attached to them too. He was attached to Bones and Spock in two different ways. They both had different functions in his life and they were both important to him. Jim—well—Jim was the closest among all.

 

He had to be.

 

He was the birth father.

 

But then, at some point, Jim began to wonder if Spock would want to be called father too. Did he want that? Or was he content with just Spock? Grayson was growing under the care of both of them by law. He was being raised by two adult males—both serving as his father figure. Bones was his—best friend slash father figure but leaning towards uncle type.

 

Did Spock see himself as a father to Grayson as well?

 

Every time Jim would use words like ‘my kid’, Jim would automatically glance at Spock. The Vulcan didn’t show any signs that he took offence to such words but after five months being the second guardian to the kid—didn’t he want Grayson to be known as ‘our kid’?

 

True, they weren’t together so there wasn’t any real need to be called as ‘our kid’. It didn’t make any relevance in this matter and he guessed Spock saw it too. Grayson hadn’t even called Jim ‘Dad’ yet. He knew it was going to take time with Latvia and everything. He could still see that hurt and the longing in his boy’s eyes whenever he woke up from a nightmare or simply when he was at the Observation Deck with him.

 

Spock had told him about his mother one day, silencing Jim from his thoughts as he listened. Grayson quietly leaned closer to Spock and Jim couldn’t help but to smile. Something warm once again coiled at the pit of his stomach and he was getting fairly confused.

 

The half-Vulcan, however, acted as normal as he always did. As if he didn’t have a kid in his care. As if everything was as normal as it was. As if having a kid _with_ Jim was normal and it was slowly beginning to freak Jim out.

 

He did spend off time with Spock alone when Grayson was hanging out Bones or Chekov or Sulu or anyone else on board. They would sit in one of their quarters and play chess quietly or with conversations about the ship and their mission reports. Sometimes about Grayson and his mother.

 

And that fond expression he noticed in Spock’s eyes—they were now being aimed at Jim more than all day. Jim didn’t find it disturbing. He couldn’t find it in himself to ignore the look either. He actually liked it—like he belonged as someone dear to Spock.

 

That thought brought him to a halt as he looked at the chess board in front of him. Spock was sitting in front of him, sipping his Vulcan Spice Tea while Jim was contemplating his next move. Grayson was with Bones, Sulu and Chekov, teaching him how to play poker.

 

Not that Jim wanted his son to learn how to lie but playing poker never really hurt anyone and it was a fun game. Spock had stressed out a different idea over that matter but he didn’t stop Grayson. In fact, he just let Grayson do whatever he wanted as long as it didn’t go against anything in his rule book.

 

“Jim?” Spock called out from his daydream. “Is something the matter?”

 

Jim blinked for a few seconds before realising he hadn’t moved his piece yet. Moving the bishop, he decided that maybe it was time for them to discuss this in more precision. “Yeah,” Jim said with a smile as he waited for Spock to make his move.

 

The half-Vulcan simply raised his eyebrows before looking back at the tri-D chessboard. “Are you averse to sharing your thoughts with me?” Spock asked after a while when Jim didn’t move to speak. The young captain cleared his throat before he scratched the back of his neck.

 

“Well,” Jim said. “I’m just wondering, you know, why you suddenly wanted to take care of Grayson.”

 

Spock stopped mid-way picking up his knight and looked up. His dark eyes caught Jim’s blue ones before his eyebrows furrowed. “Clarify.”

 

Right. Details.

 

“I know you wanted to help me, Spock, that’s—I have no problem with that,” Jim said slowly, hoping he sounded logical as he thought he was. “But—I—You—I don’t know. I can’t phrase it properly without sounding offensive. I just want you to know that I’m grateful that you’re helping me with Grayson. You’re like—a second dad to him or something. You know? And you—you don’t mind.”

 

Spock remained silent for a while as he looked at Jim. It seemed like he was calculating the blond from within before he sat straighter and placed his knight on the board. “You are inquiring as to why I accepted Grayson and treated him as if he was my own son. It puzzles you that I would be willing to become another parent for a child I never met or have any blood relation with.”

 

“Yes, exactly,” Jim said as he looked back down to the board. Huh, Spock got him good now. “I mean—you’re being such a good parent to him and you know, you just don’t act like an uncle or anything. More like a dad, a father-figure. Dad number two. You’re willing to actually make Grayson as your own, or that’s the vibe I get from you every time you’re with him. You’re—attached to him.”

 

“Affirmative,” Spock said quietly. “I had no intentions on getting close to Grayson initially. I was merely helping a friend who needed a second name as a guardian. However, when I met Grayson, he intrigued me. He is quite an intellectual individual with curiosity in everything he does. He learns faster by 14.05 % than an average seven year old human boy. He is simply fascinating. I do confess, Jim, it seemed that I have harboured some—affection for the child.”

 

Jim looked up from his board, meeting Spock’s eyes. “You love him, don’t you?” Jim asked as he looked back down to his chessboard and picked up his pawn. “I can tell by the way you look at him, Spock. You love him already. Is that why you’re willing to go such great lengths for someone’s son you barely met?”

 

“Negative,” Spock said quickly, making Jim to look at him once more. “While it is true that I have harboured emotional attachment to the boy, under other circumstances, I would not have done the same for ‘someone’s son I barely met’.”

 

Jim blinked at that as he placed his piece on the board and straightened up. “So, you’re saying you’re doing this mainly because it’s me?”

 

“Affirmative,” Spock said as he looked at the chessboard and sipped onto his Vulcan Spice Tea.

 

After a while, the confusion started to spin around Jim’s head as he leaned into his seat, staring at Spock. “Enlighten me.”

 

Spock glanced at Jim before he kept quiet. It seemed like an eternity before he spoke again, but his voice now sounded hushed and slightly—nervous. “You are my friend, Jim. You shall always be my friend. You of all people should know that I never had friends as such now prior Enterprise. You, with your illogical debates and infuriating cockiness had elicited strong emotional responses from me on more than one occasion.”

 

Jim winced at that, remembering the times when he did made Spock lose control. It wasn’t a pretty sight and Jim didn’t want to ever see Spock that angry or sad again. Spock continued on, as if Jim’s wince wasn’t interruptive. “However, your illogicalness does serve some advantage. Your skills as a captain is admirable and your way to ensure safety of the crewmembers first before your own safety frankly are once again, admirable despite being slightly apprehensive and should be recognised as something a Starfleet Officer should acquire. In prospects, our friendship means a great deal to me, Jim. I am merely grateful for the opportunity to be in this liaison and to be involved in your son’s life, it is an honour.”

 

 Jim felt something warm inside of him, hearing those words coming out of Spock’s mouth. It was rare to hear him say things like that. Sure, Jim would confess that he loved Spock when he was drunk or was at the edge of his seat in boredom and the half-Vulcan had saved him from it. But now, he truly did love Spock at the moment, for the words that were dripped in honey just for him.

 

“Our son,” Jim said slowly, his voice breaking at some point. Spock looked at him, his eyes softening at them. “If you want to, he’s our son.”

 

The end of Spock’s lips quirked upwards. “I would like that, Jim.”

 

* * *

 

Jim sighed as he looked at his—their son, Grayson, looking at his PADD and frowning at it. “I don’t understand it,” Grayson said as he rubbed his forehead in frustration. Jim was beginning to slightly get worried when Grayson wouldn’t leave the room after being copped in for almost four hours. Jim had went on his Alpha shift, leaving Grayson to do his homework but when he came back and asked Grayson if he would like to get something to eat at the mess hall, the boy simply refused flat out saying he had to finish this.

 

Jim shrugged, guessing it wouldn’t do any harm and decided that he would replicate something for Grayson to eat when he came back. Now, even after he had come back and asked if he would like to eat anything, Grayson simply shook his head and continued to work on his problems.

 

“Grayson,” Jim said, sounding displeased. “You have to eat something.”

 

“I will,” Grayson said. “After this.”

 

“You haven’t eaten anything since breakfast, kid,” Jim said quickly as he tried to pry the PADD out from the boy’s hands. However, Grayson’s grip at the edges of the PADD was strong and Jim at the end relented. “Spock’s not going to be happy if he found out you haven’t eaten.”

 

“I will eat later,” Grayson said once again, sounding bored already with the conversation and was now more interested on his problems. Jim felt something in him tick. He knew that raising a kid was going to take a lot of patience and a lot of time. He just didn’t think he had to deal with any of this tantrum thing until Grayson was thirteen.

 

Or at least thirteen.

 

Jim frowned as he sighed and got up. He didn’t have it in him to be stern. He wasn’t like that. He didn’t like to force Grayson to do anything that he didn’t want to. He wondered for a moment if Spock could deal with this. The half-Vulcan was always so disciplined. But he didn’t want to bother Spock. He bet the half-Vulcan had gone back to his shift already. Maybe he should contact Bones.

 

But Bones had other things to do than babysitting Grayson. As much as he loved Grayson, Jim knew that Bones had patients to take care off. After a while, he finally rubbed his face. “Fine, whatever,” he said before Grayson looked at him and smiled. “Don’t give me that look, young man. You’ve better eaten something by the time I come back from Alpha shift.”

 

“Okay,” Grayson said as he looked back at his PADD. Jim bit his inner cheek before replicating Grayson a plate of chicken sandwich and a glass of orange juice. He placed them on his desk.

 

“There’s food on the table, you know what to do,” Jim said. Grayson barely gave him nod, his attention focused on the PADD. Jim was irked for a minute before he sighed and shook his head. He couldn’t help the strong surge of pride in himself looking at how dedicated the boy was.

 

He finally walked out of his quarters and headed to the turbo lift, the worry about Grayson was niggling at the back of his mind. Why did he have a feeling that the boy wouldn’t eat anything by the time he came back?

 

Once the turbo lift opened, he walked to the bridge, heading straight to his captain’s chair and sat down with a harsh slump. “Status report,” he said as Sulu rattled on that everything was normal. “Very good, Sulu.”

 

They were on their way to investigate problems arising from the nearest planet that were responsible as one of the many mining colonies. Something had been disrupting the villagers there and his ship was being sent to investigate the problem. But that was in another thirteen hours. At the moment, everything was clear and crystal and his mind immediately wrapped around Grayson.

 

He could feel Spock’s gaze on him and he turned around to look at him. “Yes, Mr Spock?” he asked and Spock just raised his eyebrows at him.

 

“Nothing, Captain,” he said but his eyes were telling a different story. Jim knew that the Commander didn’t like mixing his work with his private life so Jim just sighed and nodded. With that, he turned around and looked at the main viewer.

 

By the time the shift ended, Jim was already up and out of his seat, flashing the substitute captain his boyish grin before heading to the turbo lift. “Captain?” Spock called out as he followed Jim, his eyebrows high up disappearing behind his bangs.

 

“Spock,” Jim said, sounding half-relieved. “Spock, you gotta help me.”

 

“Jim?” Spock questioned, his eyes were expressing concern as they entered the turbo lift.

 

“It’s Grayson,” Jim said as he sighed. “He hadn’t eaten anything since this morning.”

 

Spock blinked at him for a second. “That is unacceptable for his health.”

 

“I know,” Jim said as he crossed his arms against his chest. “But he wouldn’t eat unless he finished whatever he it that he’s doing. He’s neglecting his health for his homework! Can you believe the kid?”

 

Spock raised his eyebrows again as they got out of the turbo lift. “I believe I can,” he said. Jim glanced at Spock before he smirked.

 

“Oh, _ha ha_ ,” Jim said. “Very funny, Spock. Good one.”

 

“I did not express anything humorous, Jim,” Spock said.

 

“Yeah, right,” Jim snorted. “Maybe you can persuade him to eat something.”

 

“He might not listen to me,” Spock said slowly.

 

“Are you kidding?” Jim asked. “The kid adores you. He respects you.”

 

Jim wondered if Spock was capably of beaming because he thought he saw it. He smiled at Spock before they walked to his quarters. Punching the code, the door slid opened and he walked inside and just like he suspected, Grayson was lying on the bed on his back with the PADD in front of him. The only thing gone was the orange juice.

 

“Grayson,” Jim said with a frown. Grayson looked at Jim. “You didn’t eat. I thought I told you to eat.”

 

“I wasn’t hungry,” Grayson said before he went back to his PADD. Jim glanced at Spock and pointed to Grayson with his eyes. He was basically pleading at the half-Vulcan to do his thing that will cause everyone to obey him—of course, it never worked with Jim. He wondered for a second if Grayson would listen. Spock cautiously took a few steps forward before he clutched his hands to his back and stared at Grayson.

 

“Grayson,” he started. “It is unacceptable to neglect your health for something that can be achieved while consuming your daily energy requirement.”

 

Grayson slowly sat up, looking at Spock and dragging the PADD down to his lap. _Finally_. Jim sighed as he walked to the replicator and replicated something else for the boy to eat. “But I had to finish it,” Grayson said, sounding slightly pouty. Spock simply changed his demeanour and sat next to Grayson.

 

“You can do so while eating,” Spock said. “It is only logical.”

 

Grayson looked at Spock before he sighed and nodded. “Oh, so you listen to him, huh?” Jim teased as he handed Grayson a bowl of chicken noodle soup.

 

“I listen to the both of you,” Grayson said he took his first bite and eyed both of his guardians. Jim grinned widely as he ruffled the boy’s hair meanwhile Spock quirked his lips upwards unnoticeably. After a few seconds, Grayson gulped his food and looked at them both more intently. “Is Spock my second dad?”

 

Spock tensed up at the question and Jim felt his own eyebrows rising upwards. “Huh?” Jim asked. “He’s your second guardian.”

 

“Yeah,” Grayson said slowly. “But—is he my second dad?”

 

“Well,” Jim said slowly before he flickered his blue eyes at Spock. He knew that he told Spock to assume Grayson as his own son as well, but he never really heard Spock actually say it from his own mouth. “What makes you ask that?”

 

“Chekov and Sulu,” he started. And Jim knew that it must be from those two. “They said that Spock was my second dad. They said we’re like a happy family. You two were the married couple and I’m your son.”

 

“Chekov and Sulu,” Jim said slowly as he sighed. “They’re being just them, Grayson. Do you—do you want Spock to be your second dad?”

 

“Nobody can replace mommy,” Grayson immediately said. “But,” he said slowly as he looked at Spock. “I don’t mind. Spock is—nice. I like you, Spock.”

 

Spock’s tense shoulders sagged in what seemed like relief. Spock looked at Grayson before he nodded. “It would be an honour, Grayson. It is true that nobody could replace your mother as nobody could replace mine, however, I will try my best to raise you well with Jim as if you were my child.”

 

Grayson smiled at that. “I like that,” he said before he looked at Jim. “I like us. The three of us. Bones being my uncle. And Uhura my aunt and Chekov and Sulu—”

 

“Being two idiotic cousins,” Jim said with a cheeky tone. Grayson grinned briefly before he took another bite of his food.

 

“When my mommy died,” Grayson started and his face fell slightly. “I thought that I would be lonely. But I’m happy again. I still miss her but I like this, I like you, Jim, and I like Spock. I—I like this.” And suddenly, Grayson’s eyes filled with tears and Jim was alarmed. Glancing at Spock, he seemed to have the same alarmed look in his eyes. “Thank you for not abandoning me.”

 

“Ah, Grayson,” Jim said as he sighed. “Don’t make it sound so sad. I won’t leave you—I wasn’t going to then and I’m not going to now. Nobody’s going to abandon you anymore. You’re safe with us. If someone tries to hurt you, they have the entire crew of Enterprise to get through, okay?”

 

“Okay,” Grayson said as he sniffed. Before Jim could comprehend what was happening, the boy had placed the bowl next to him and dragged Jim closer to him by his hand. With that he scooted closer to Spock and brought them into a hug, half with Spock and the other with Jim. “I love you both. I love Bones too as much.”

 

Jim felt his own heart constrict as he hugged the boy back and Spock seemed to awkwardly do the same. “I love you too,” Jim said slowly.

 

“As do I,” Spock said after a while with a soft whisper and somehow, at this moment, Jim couldn’t ignore the small nagging voice at the back of his mind telling him that this was perfect.

 

Them, being like this, together like a real family actually felt right. Being with Spock like this felt right and for a moment, it took Jim by surprise. His heart was fluttering wildly in his heart by the time the hug ended and he felt oddly intimate. He hadn’t even touched Spock but the hug felt so connected and deep that he just felt shy all of a sudden.

 

Scoff. James Tiberius Kirk wasn’t _shy_.

 

But suddenly, he was. He avoided looking at Spock for a moment as he made Grayson eat again. He felt this confusion lighting up inside of him like a fire with other emotions that he didn’t know even existed. Huh, this was weird.

 

* * *

 

Spock was everything and anything for Jim. In his life, Spock was one of the most eccentric people he had ever met. But that wasn’t really a bad thing for Jim. He liked uniqueness—it was his thing—his code. After that day with Grayson, things began to settle around until it felt like a normal everyday routine. But that didn’t mean Jim was normal.

 

He was starting to notice Spock.

 

He guessed he had always noticed Spock. As a friend, he knew everything about Spock just like how Spock knew everything about him. He knew what Spock liked to do in his free time (meditating and chess) and he knew what Spock’s favourite food was (plomeek soup). And he knew that Spock knew some things about Jim too.

 

But that was all fine and dandy. What didn’t seem to make sense was the fact that Jim was beginning to notice Spock even closer than usual. To be honest, he had never observed Spock so closely before, as if trying to realise what might be different with the half-Vulcan after that day. Thing was, some things between them after the Khan incident had changed.

 

Like the subtle touches that used to agitate Spock now seemed to calm him down. The blunt staring that used to irk Spock now made him stare back at Jim. To be honest, Spock was actually less uptight around him. Well, maybe it was because they were friends but there was something else in everything he did for Jim.

 

Like the fact that every time Jim played chess with him, he would ask Jim what he wanted to drink. And if something was bothering the captain, he would insist that Jim let his thoughts out. Spock was a great listener for one and that was quite endearing for someone who talked a lot like Jim. His expressions were more open to Jim and before the captain could figure out what was happening, Spock had taken a step forward and decided to raise a kid with him.

 

And then, it got worse. The touching, the blunt staring, that fond expression that seemed to leak out all the pure, soft emotions that Spock wouldn’t dare to show to anyone else. It made Jim feel slightly mushy inside. He had never felt this way and he was beginning to get confused.

 

What was Spock playing at?

 

Even at the bridge, Spock would literally stand a few inches closer. Even Uhura seemed to be onto something with her casual winking at their direction, mostly at Spock or the coy smile she would throw at Jim once in a while. There was even a time while walking down the hallways, he heard Uhura’s hushed voice talking to Spock nearby and that made Jim turned around and walked the other way.

 

Maybe he was beginning to be delusional of things. Maybe he hadn’t had a warm body next to him for a while now and this was all taking a toll on him. But somehow, his libido decided to ditch him the moment Grayson arrived in his life. It just packed its bags and said _adios!_ before leaving Jim.

 

Whenever they stopped by a planet and there was one of those attractive women ogling him, Jim would simply and politely turn them down. They would look at him puzzled because they thought Jim would take the opportunity but whenever he wanted to, Grayson’s face would appear in his mind and he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t let the boy get involved in his life that wouldn’t hold any morale basis.

 

To be honest, he didn’t want his kid to be like him when he grew up.

 

He wanted Grayson to really love someone.

 

Not just for sex or sleep, even though that sounded appealing.

 

Spock also rejected any attraction from the female society with a simple ‘I am not interested’ thrown into the conversation. And he knew that Spock also sat closer to him whenever they had meeting with the planets’ governor or ruler, as if proclaiming that he was off limits.

 

Hah, didn’t think he would catch that, did he?

 

But why? Jim sighed as he sat at the mess hall one day, Grayson had already been dragged off by one of his linguistic teachers for his lesson. Bones finally walked into the mess hall before heading to the replicator to get his food. With that, he walked up to where Jim sat and proceeded to sit in front of him. “What’s with that ugly look on your face, kid?” Bones asked as Jim scowled deeper.

 

“Nothing,” Jim said as he looked down to his plate of salad. Bones had made sure the replicators in this whole entire ship only authorised what was suitable for James Tiberius Kirk’s meal. He couldn’t even get a decent steak even if he wanted to. “Hey, Bones, program me something better than this for me to eat. I’m not a rabbit.”

 

“Too fucking bad,” Bones huffed. Jim sighed as he pushed the plate away. He stared at Bones for a few seconds until the doctor was cursing under his breath and looked at the captain. “I’m going to regret having this conversation with you, ain’t I?”

 

“What?” Jim said, feigning hurt. “I would never!”

 

“It’s about Spock, isn’t it?” Bones cut him off with his fork pointing at Jim.

 

“Well,” Jim started.

 

“I’m going to regret this conversation,” Bones grumbled as he stabbed his steamed chicken and shoved it into his mouth. “So, what is it this time that the hobgoblin did to make you act like a pouty child? Even Grayson could pout better than you.”

 

“Hey!” Jim said. “I hear say that I am the prettiest guy on this vessel.”

 

“Keep telling yourself that, Jim,” Bones said dryly.

 

Jim sighed before shrugging. “Everything?” he said slowly. Bones simply raised his eyebrows. God, Bones could make even Spock’s eyebrow run for its money. It was as if he had the talent to express himself through eyebrows since he was born. It was slightly cool and yeah, maybe Jim was slightly envious of that.  

 

“Everything?” Bones deadpanned. “Jim, be specific. I can’t understand Kirk.”

 

“Very funny, Bones,” Jim said with a slight leer in his grin. “But—yeah. We’ve recently established that he’s—like a second dad to Grayson.”

 

“Spock?” Bones questioned. “Well, what’dya know? Grayson comes into the picture and we’re having miracles! The kid is definitely a good thing.”

 

“Shut up, Bones,” Jim said without venom, his grin widening. “But yeah, Grayson—he’s good for me. For us. For Spock.”

 

“So, what the hell’s the problem?”

 

“I just can’t shake the feeling that Spock’s acting really weird around me,” Jim said. “Like he’s much closer than usual. He sits closer to me than before, he actually touches me, subtle touches and he has those eyes that is filled with something—something—I’m not sure what— aimed at me all the time! He’s—he’s different, Bones. It’s like he is Spock but not Spock?”

 

Bones just shoved his food into his mouth before raising his eyebrows again. “Oh, wow,” Bones said dryly.

 

“Bones, this is serious,” Jim whined—well—almost whined. “Spock’s been acting weird lately. And I’m ninety-nine point nine percent sure that Uhura’s in it too.”

 

“So, go and talk to the hobgoblin and see what’s wrong with him,” Bones said. Jim just rubbed his face.

 

“It’ll sound too weird, you know?” Jim said.

 

“And what do you feel?” Bones asked. Jim just looked at him confused for a moment. “Damnit, Jim. I’m a doctor not an emotion specialist. Don’t tell me you haven’t figured it out?”

 

“Figure what out?” Jim asked. “Bones, you know something, don’t you? What is it?”

 

“Heck, I don’t even know what to call it half of the time,” Bones grumbled. “The thing between you two is starting to get old.”

 

“What’s getting old?” Jim asked again.

 

“You know, that connection,” Bones said waving his hands around before he pointed the fork at Jim again. “Damnit, kid. You’re damn slow when it comes to your feelings. You and Spock have a special thing going on for years and you’re just starting to realise about it.”

 

Jim blinked as the words settled in his mind before he barked out laughing. “Right,” Jim said. “Good one, Bones.” However, Bones simply looked at him with a scowl until Jim’s laughter died down and everything funny about the situation perished. “You’re serious.”

 

“Geez, Jim, what did you think I was this entire time?” Bones said.

 

“But that’s! We don’t have anything special,” Jim said. “We’re friends!”

 

“Who joined custody to take care of a child,” Bones corrected.

 

“That’s different! He’s doing it for a friend,” Jim protested. “I would do it too if Spock was in the same situation. Heck, I would do it for you too.”

 

“Okay,” Bones said after a while. “Jim, I love you and I want to be with you.”

 

“Wait— _what_?”

 

“How do you feel about that?” Bones asked, sounding slightly amused at how Jim had arranged his face into shock.

 

“What the fuck was that?” Jim asked, lowering his voice as his cheeks reddened.

 

“Just answer the goddamn question, Jim,” Bones said. “I love you and I want to be with you. How do you feel about that?”

 

“I—I—Bones? Woah, man,” Jim said as he blinked. “I—I can’t, I mean, Bones, I didn’t know. I’m flattered and all—”

 

“Jim, I asked you what you felt about that, I didn’t ask you to write me a soap opera,” Bones said dryly.

 

“Well, what the hell am I supposed to say to that?” Jim said appalled. “Where the fuck did that come from?”

 

“Oh for God’s sakes,” Bones muttered frustrated. “Can you or can you not love me back?”

 

“I love you,” Jim said. “But not like that.”

 

“Okay, there, the feeling’s mutual by the way, now imagine that scenario with the hobgoblin saying it,” Bone said. “How do you feel about that?”

 

Jim scrunched his eyebrows before he realised that this was one of Bones’s psychological thing. Ah. Good, Jim almost had a heart attack. Bones, the bastard, actually enjoyed it. He sighed before he did as what Bones suggested. Spock, actually saying those words out in his own way. Jim felt his heart hammering heavily against his chest and he felt his face feeling hot. Glancing at Bones, he opened his mouth to say something but then frowned and closed his mouth.

 

How would he feel about that?

 

Spock declaring that he was in love with him and wanted to be with him. At first sound, it was humorous but—Jim couldn’t ignore the slight flutter in his heart. It was akin to fluster and maybe a bit of joy. He looked at Spock as his best friend for a while now, right? So obviously, shouldn’t he be slightly appalled by the fact Spock wanted to be like that with him?

 

When Bones suggested it—heck, Jim’s mind had gone blank and panic bubbled at the surface, wondering where he went wrong that made Bones think that Jim felt the same way. But when it was Spock, he couldn’t actually say it was uncomfortable. Probably he would be in shock but—

 

“I don’t know,” Jim said finally.

 

“There,” Bones said. “Why is Spock so different for you? Heck, we’re best friends to you but when I declare my ever-lasting love, which by the way I do not harbour, you go shock and deny out right but when you imagine Spock doing it—you go red and have that dozy look on your face. Face it, Jim. It’s right there.”

 

“Well, that’s because you’re like my—my—family, Bones,” Jim said. “I mean, imagine loving your family like that. It’s weird. And well, Spock’s my family too! Literally now, but—but ah…Shit.”

 

“You’re welcome, I have to get back to Sickbay and you have a ship to run,” Bones said before he stood up. Before he walked away, he placed his hand on Jim’s right shoulder and squeezed. “Be careful, Jim. He’s a Vulcan at the end of the day.”

 

Jim felt even more confused. The talk with Bones sometimes helped, sometimes didn’t. Right now, Bones helped him to identify why Spock was so different to Jim. They had a special connection all these years? Sure, he had seen the friendship between Spock Prime and his other self—and well, didn’t he achieve it here as well?

 

But there was something amiss. He just couldn’t get it. He sighed and decided he would think about it later. Getting up, he disposed of the tray and headed to the bridge for his shift.

 

* * *

 

Spock had been acting—odd. Odder than usual. This had a different ring to it. It felt kind of cold, actually. It started subtly for a few days but when Spock started to turn down his conversations beyond work and chess or dinner invitations, the odd behaviour became obvious to Jim. He had asked Spock for the status report and the half-Vulcan simply rattled on with his usual stiff posture and didn’t even make eye contact with Jim.

 

The captain frowned, wondering what was wrong. He felt Uhura looking at him from the corner of her eyes before she shook her head and went back to her station. Was he the only who didn’t get what was going on here? He just thought that maybe Spock woke up on the wrong side of the bed or something at first and let it go.

 

But the mood didn’t change. Jim almost immediately noticed the absence of touches and the distance between them were wider than usual. Spock seemed rigid and collected—almost like the first time Jim met him at the hearing. He wondered momentarily if something had happened. It had been almost a few days since Jim began to really notice of Spock’s odd behaviour and he was starting to become anxious when Spock wouldn’t even give him the time of day after work.

 

He would make up some excuse about the lab needing him and walk away. He would then visit Grayson before retreating to his quarters but he wouldn’t utter a word to Jim. Whenever Jim would strike a conversation, he would include Grayson in and then, he would leave.

 

“So, dinner tonight?” Jim asked as they walked into the turbo lift together after finishing their shift. Spock became stiff again, his shoulders tensed as he placed his hands behind his back and Jim noticed the tick near his jaw.

 

“I apologise, Captain. It seems that an experiment in the lab requires my immediate attention,” he said and before Jim could protest or ask him just what crawled up in his ass and died, Spock had walked off. That was the fifth time his invitation to spend time together was shot down.

 

“What the fuck is wrong with him?” Jim muttered angrily as he decided to visit Bones. Grayson was with Chekov at the moment, they always had Russian Night every Tuesdays and that was one of the nights that Jim would use to either spend time with Spock or if Spock was too busy with _legitimate_ reasons, he would spend it with Bones.

 

He grumbled as he headed to Bones’s quarters. Knocking on the door instead of waiting like a patient man, Jim walked into Bones’s room with a frown on his face. “I don’t understand what the hell his problem is! It’s like we’re back to pre-Khan.”

 

“Well, hello to you too, Jim,” Bones said as he scowled at his best friend. “Do we need the booze?”

 

“And he kept on shooting me down with crappy reasons,” Jim rattled on without answering Bones. “Like I don’t even know when he’s lying. Vulcans don’t lie, my ass. That’s a load of crap, I say. Just full of bullshit.”

 

“Yeah, we’re going to need alcohol for this,” Bones said as he dragged the bottles from under his bed and sat down on the bed. “I can’t be sober and listen to you whine about the hobgoblin at the same time.” Jim sighed as he sat on the bed as well, grabbing the first bottle and tugging the content into his mouth before grimacing.

 

Damnit, it had been too long since he last had a taste.

 

“I can’t go back to my room drunk, Bones,” Jim said. “Kid.”

 

“Hypospray,” Bones said. “Only this time though, Jim.”

 

Jim grinned wide before he patted Bones on the back. “You’re the bestest best friend ever, you know that, right Bones?”

 

“Yea, yea,” Bones said as he rolled his eyes. “I think I’m ready to listen. God, spare me the details, alright?”

 

“What?” Jim asked, a cheeky grin on his face. “No free porn?”

 

Bones raised his eyebrows. Jim finally relented and nodded. “Fine, details spared.”

 

“Great,” Bones said dryly as he tugged another mouthful of the alcohol.

 

 “He’s distant,” Jim started. “He all so cold and I can’t read him anymore, Bones. It’s like—our friendship never existed. What the hell happened to ‘you will always be my friend’ shit?”

 

“Did you talk to him, Jim?”

 

“Of course every time I walk near him, he makes some lame excuse and then runs off,” Jim said. “He comes to visit Grayson like he usually does but he doesn’t even speak to me anymore, Bones.”

 

Bones nodded before he sipped the alcohol again. “You know, speaking of it, he had been glaring at me every time he comes by the Sickbay.”

 

“Glaring?” Jim asked.

 

“Well, not glaring per say, Vulcan’s equivalent to that entire ‘I-want-you-dead’ thing. We don’t get along well in the first place but now he’s even more of an ass than before. Maybe it’s not only you, Jim.”

 

Jim sighed as he nodded, sipping onto his alcohol along the way. But he couldn’t understand what could have ticked Spock off. He just couldn’t shake the feeling that it was him he was mad about. He sighed as he continued to drink the alcohol, hopping he would get to be drunk for a few hours.

 

* * *

 

Uhura had found him walking down the hallway two days later. She was frowning at him and before Jim knew what was happening, she had stared him down with her ultimate glare, crossed her arms and said, “I need to speak to you, Captain.”

 

“Okay,” Jim said slowly as he followed her to one of the conference rooms. “So, what’s the matter?” he asked as the doors closed shut behind them.

 

“Permission to speak freely, Captain?” Uhura asked sounding clipped.

 

“Of course,” Jim said, already not liking the conversation.

 

“How could you do this to him?” she demanded. Jim was utterly thrown back at her question. “Jim, how could you not care about Spock?”

 

“Woah, Uhura,” he said as he raised his hands in the air and stopped her. “That’s a heavy accusation. If anything, he doesn’t care about me! He had been ignoring me for the past few days. I didn’t do anything to him!”

 

“You don’t understand, do you?” she said as she sighed. “Idiots, men are total idiots.”

 

“Excuse me?” Jim asked. “Lieutenant, that sounds like an offence to a superior officer. I have you know tha—”

 

“We are here right now as Jim and Uhura, two individuals. You are not my superior officer at the moment and I’m not your Chief Communication Officer. Can we please discuss this like two equal individuals?”

 

Jim sighed before he nodded. “Carry on.”

 

“Are you and Leonard together?” she asked, her eyes scanning his face. Jim blinked at her before he laughed.

 

“Please tell me you’re joking,” he said. “Uhura, that’s ridiculous! Bones is my best friend!”

 

“The whole ship’s buzzing about it by now, Jim,” Uhura said. “Someone heard you and Leonard at the mess hall confessing unfound love to each other. Half of the crewmembers were already convinced you’re with him before this and now, they have proof that you and Leonard are sleeping with each other.”

 

Jim took a step back, his mind working fast to receive and interpret the words. “Okay, look,” Jim said. “One, Bones is a handsome man even though he has a mouth as sharp as laser and ya, he’s nice to look at but hell, I don’t look at him like that! He’s my best friend! And two, am I running a star ship or a high school? Why are there rumours everywhere?”

 

“But they heard Leonard saying he loves you and wants to be with you,” Uhura stressed out. “And two days ago, you were in Leonard’s quarters, weren’t you?”

 

“Okay, this is getting creepy,” Jim said. “Look, I don’t—I’m not dating Bones! I’m not interested in him like that. That day the one where he confesses his love was one of his psychological stuff to get me to think things clearly. And I always go to Bones’s quarters! That’s like—what, I can’t go to my best friend’s quarters without arousing suspicion that I’m sleeping with him?”

 

Uhura just levelled her stare at him.

 

“I hope Grayson doesn’t hear about this because if he comes to me and asks me if I’m dating Bones, I will seriously latch each and every one of you into the shuttlecraft and set you all to the middle of nowhere,” Jim said bitterly. “Prime Directive be damned.”

 

Uhura sighed before she looked at Jim. “So, you’re not with Leonard?”

 

“No,” Jim said seriously. “If you don’t believe me, ask Bones.”

 

“Oh, I did,” Uhura said. “He didn’t take it well. That explained his reaction.”

 

Jim cleared his throat, wondering which poor soul was now facing Bones’s wrath. “So, what’s this about accusing me not caring about Spock? Because I have you know, I care a great deal about him just like I care about all of you.”

 

Uhura rolled her eyes even though she was smiling. “Spock, god,” she said slowly. “You have to talk to him.”

 

“What? You accuse me not caring about Spock and now you’re asking me to talk to him?”

 

“Just do it, Jim,” she said seriously. “I know you feel it too. Everyone with a set of functional eyes can see that you two are pinning for each other.”

 

Jim took another step back, this time in utter shock at her words. “What?” he said. “Pinn—I don’t have a crush on Spock!”

 

“Uh-huh,” Uhura said. “Talk to him, Jim.” With that, she turned around and walked out of the room, leaving Jim alone with his thoughts. He opened his mouth before closing them, unsure of what to say. Pinning—him? For Spock out of all people?

 

No, that didn’t sound right.

 

Even Bones had hinted the same thing. Jim sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair. If this was what the crew was thinking, then obviously something must be up between Spock and himself. For Uhura to suddenly come up to him like that, it didn’t make any sense.

 

Jim couldn’t stop thinking that maybe he had missed something. This was getting out of hand. He was going to talk to Spock, whether the half-Vulcan wanted to or not.

 

* * *

 

He found Spock at the Observation Deck after a few minutes. Grayson was still in class and currently, Jim was on a break. Jim walked into the deck, looking at the half-Vulcan. “Mind if I sit next to you?”

 

Spock tensed immediately but he didn’t look at Jim. “If you wish to do so, you may.”

 

Jim settled next to him without another word, letting the silence fill on between them. After a few seconds, he heard shuffling and Spock was getting up. Before the half-Vulcan could move away, Jim caught his wrist and stopped him. Jim immediately felt a sharp thrill down his spine and momentarily, he almost let Spock’s wrist go. It felt sharp and steady but it wasn’t unpleasant. It was—real.

 

“Captain, I advise you to let my wrist go immediately,” Spock said sharply and before Jim could react, Spock snatched his wrist back.

 

“Uh, sorry,” Jim said, still mildly dazed at the sudden sensation. He blinked for a few times before looking at the half-Vulcan. Spock was looking away from him, his eyes trained to the door as if he was ready to leave. Jim frowned, feeling slightly grazed inside that the half-Vulcan was treating him this way. What happened between them? This didn’t sound like the Spock he knew at all.

 

This was that asshole Spock he met on the first day.

 

“Spock,” Jim said as he stood up as well. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

 

“Pardon?” Spock said as he looked at Jim, his eyes were carefully masked so Jim couldn’t read him. That somehow irritated the young captain. He took pride at the fact that he could read Spock like an open book from just his eyes alone and he liked that he knew what Spock was thinking. But when the Vulcan closed down himself like this because all of a sudden Jim was a nuisance, it irritated him.

 

“You heard me,” Jim said lowly, his frown deepening. “You’re acting like I’m hostile. You’ve been avoiding me too.”

 

“I believe you are delusional with your presumptions, Captain,” Spock said but his shoulders sagged. “I was not avoiding you. I was merely busy with my experiments and report. I apologise if you have felt that I was deliberately avoiding you, Jim.”

 

“But you are, aren’t you?” Jim asked as he took a step forward. “You’re avoiding me.”

 

“I have told you, Captain, I was merely—”

 

“ _Bullshit_ ,” Jim cut him off, the frustration of not knowing what was happening to Spock pushing him to the edge. “You know what I’m talking about, Spock. If you really want to avoid me, you could have at least done a decent job at lying.”

 

“Vulcans do not lie,” Spock corrected.

 

“And that’s another hoax,” Jim said bitterly. “Omitting the truth is the same as lying.”

 

“I do not believe so,” Spock said as he straightened himself and looked at Jim in the eyes. “I had not been lying to you, Jim. I was indeed in my labs.”

 

“Well, you were still avoiding me,” Jim insisted. “Every time I asked you to join me for chess or for dinner or for something for us to do together, you shoot me down. You don’t talk to me besides work and now, you can’t even stand being in the same room with me. What did I do wrong, Spock?”

 

Spock thinned his lips as his gaze narrowed down to just Jim. After a few seconds, Spock finally said, “It is not you who had done wrong, Jim. You had done nothing wrong. I apologise if I had upset you.”

 

Jim looked at Spock for a moment. Spock looked a bit green around the ears as if he was literally embarrassed. “So, then, tell me what’s wrong. Maybe I can help you.”

 

“It is quite unnecessary,” Spock said immediately. “I have already established a solution for the problem. It is all taken care of.”

 

“Really?” Jim asked, sounding slightly put off. Obviously Spock hadn’t dealt with whatever problem it was. It seemed like Spock was just saying like that to push Jim away. “We’re friends, right? Friends talk to each other about these things. You can tell me anything, Spock. You know that.”

 

“I do,” Spock said. “And I appreciate your concern, Jim. However, this is not something which you can solve. I have found a solution for it and therefore, the problem is solved. You do not have to concern yourself over this matter.”

 

Jim licked his lips as he looked at Spock in the eyes. There was something there. He wasn’t telling the captain the full truth. “So, you’re not going to ignore me and make up some half-assed excuses, right?”

 

“Affirmative,” Spock said as the end of his lips quirked upwards slightly.

 

“Hah! So you do admit you were ignoring me,” Jim said. “Okay. So, everything’s cool?”

 

“Yes, Jim,” Spock said as he did the invisible Vulcan-eye-roll thing. “I would like to resume my duties now, Captain. And you should too.”

 

Jim nodded as Spock looked at him one last time and walked out of the Observation Deck. Even though Spock had told Jim that everything was alright again but it still didn’t feel real. It was as if something was still holding Spock back. Jim frowned at the thought as he looked to his hand, the one that had grabbed Spock’s wrist a moment ago.

 

Spock had felt it too, Jim was sure of it because the half-Vulcan had tensed up.

 

What was it that Spock was hiding? Jim knew that Vulcans liked to keep a close tight lid on everything but this was getting ridiculous. It was as plain as day that whatever bothering his First Officer was about Jim. It was a gut feeling from having known Spock for a few years now.

 

Looking at the door, he bit his bottom lip.

 

He would let this slide for now. But the moment something weird happened again, Jim was going to see this problem until he found out a solution for it.

 

* * *

 

“Get the hell out of my Sickbay!”

 

An ensign ran off scared from the Sickbay, almost bumping into Jim. The captain just raised his eyebrows as he watched the ensign run. Sighing, he grinned as he walked into the Sickbay. Bones caught his eyes before he growled and walked into his office, Jim trailing behind. “What the hell do you want?”

 

“Now, now, that’s no way to speak to a captain, Bones,” Jim chided and that earned a glare from Bones. “Someone’s peachy.”

 

“Did you hear half of what’s coming out of those people’s mouths?” Bones asked, slamming his tricorder on the desk. “They think—we’re—good God, I need a drink. You out of all people.” Bones was muttering heavily as he slumped onto his chair, running his fingers through his hair.

 

“I heard from Uhura a few hours ago,” Jim said as he shrugged. “Looks like someone heard you saying you loved me. I’m touched, Bones.”

 

“Shut up, Jim,” Bones hissed. “It was supposed to be some psychological shit but it backfired, okay?”

 

“Just ignore them, Bones,” Jim said as he flicked his wrist. “Since Uhura knows the truth, the rumours will end.”

 

Bones snorted at that before he sighed and eyed Jim. “What do you want really, Jim?”

 

“Spock,” Jim said and Bones rolled his eyes.

 

“What did the hobgoblin do now?”

 

“I talked to him,” Jim said. “He’s hiding something from me, Bones. He said he has a personal problem but now he solved it already. He won’t tell me what it is.”

 

“So, the hobgoblin’s keeping a tight lid, huh? Not a shocker, Jim,” Bones said. “He’s a Vulcan, what did you expect?”

 

Jim bit his bottom lip as he leaned into his chair. “I don’t know, Bones. Something doesn’t feel right. I think whatever his problem is—it’s about me.”

 

Bones just stared at him for a few seconds before he sighed and shook his head. “I don’t have time to listen to your love talk, Jim,” Bones said as he stood up. “I have other patients to take care of.”

 

Jim simply looked at Bones and grinned before shooing him off. Getting up from the chair, he sighed and walked out of Sickbay. He really didn’t want to go and look for Bones, not after the rumours but his feet automatically brought him here. Bones was someone he could talk to whenever he needed to and well, even though Bones was slightly grumpy and loved to scowl, he was also one of the best listeners in the world—including Spock.

 

Walking down to the turbo lift, he decided he should go and see what Grayson was up to. “Computer, locate Grayson Timothy Kirk.”

 

“Grayson T. Kirk is in Captain James T. Kirk’s quarters.”

 

Jim nodded as he walked to the turbo lift and headed to his quarters. He sighed once again as he walked to his quarters, already punching in the code and walking in when the doors slid opened. Grayson was looking at his PADD. Jim wondered if the kid ever stopped for a moment and just relaxed. “You know, studying too much can make someone uptight.”

 

Grayson looked up and smiled at Jim before he placed his PADD next to him. “I like to study.”

 

“Huh, that’s a first hearing from someone your age,” Jim said as he grinned and headed to the replicator to replicate himself some Earl Grey tea. “Do you want anything to drink?”

 

“Orange juice,” Grayson said as he settled against the headboard of his bed and looked at his PADD again. After replicating the drinks, he passed the orange juice to Grayson and Jim settled next to him, looping a hand over Grayson’s shoulder and bringing him closer.

 

“What are you doing?” he asked. Grayson simply showed the PADD to Jim. It wasn’t really his homework, more like a story. Jim raised his eyebrows, wondering what type of fiction he was reading. “Story?”

 

“Yeah,” Grayson said as he continued to read. “It’s the one mommy used to tell me.”

 

Jim stopped his mid-way sipping of his tea and looked down to Grayson for a moment. It was still a touchy subject but Grayson didn’t sound affected, just mostly remembering. Jim nodded silently as he read the story with Grayson, occasionally sipping onto his drink. Just then, the doors to his quarters chimed.

 

“Come,” Jim said and the doors slid opened. Spock walked in, his arms against his back as he looked at Jim and Grayson.

 

“I hope I am not intruding,” Spock said.

 

“No, you’re not, Spock,” Jim said, sounding slightly surprised. It felt like years which was basically only had been days since Spock had spoken directly to Jim. Their little conversation at the Observation Deck a few hours ago also didn’t really satisfy Jim’s desire to hear Spock talk to him. Jim furrowed his mental eyebrows, realising how dependent he was of Spock.

 

The half-Vulcan had basically implanted a huge role in his life and now, even without a few days of him, Jim felt empty. It made Jim shudder. He hadn’t felt like this before—the longing for someone so badly until they felt cold and clammy inside. He felt like this for—Spock.

 

He felt his cheeks reddening and his heart yammering against his chest before shifting away from Grayson. He looked at Spock and grinned, hiding his cheeks behind the glass rim of his drink, sipping onto his now lukewarm tea. “Join us.”

 

“Very well,” Spock said as he walked to them and sat at the edge of the bed. Grayson had already pushed Jim further to the right side of the bed meanwhile he made space for Spock on the left side. Patting the empty space, Grayson looked at Spock and smiled.

 

“Sit here,” Grayson said. Spock hesitated momentarily before he sat next to Grayson, his back against the headboard straight while his legs were crossed on top of each other yet straight out flat on the bed. His hands were neatly on his lap while he looked down to Grayson’s PADD. “I’m reading a story.”

 

Jim sat next to Grayson again, trying to ignore this sudden bubble of lightness washing into him. His mind was cooing at him, asking him to look at this scene laid right before his eyes. They looked like a real family. Like they fit even if they were an odd pair. Jim felt a smile tugging on his lips before he dropped it when he realised what he was thinking.

 

He wasn’t really in a marriage with Spock!

 

His heart was fluttering wildly as he tried to wield away weird thoughts about his friend.

 

Why was he feeling so strange nowadays anyway?

 

Jim slowly tuned out his mind and looked at the both of them. Spock was just listening to Grayson rambling about the story. “I find the Ardy character quite illogical,” Spock commented halfway and Grayson simply grinned. Jim couldn’t help but to laugh, stifling back his voice only to sound like choked whimpers. Spock and Grayson looked at him, both with curiosity written on their faces.

 

“Sorry,” Jim said with a grin. “Continue.”

 

Grayson looked back to his PADD, a soft smile working on his lips while Spock eyed Jim for a while. Jim caught his eyes for a moment and he felt himself shudder silently when he remembered the sharp spark from a few hours ago. His cheeks reddened even more before he broke his eye contact and finished his drink. He felt Spock’s gaze on him for a few more seconds before they disappeared.

 

Grayson Timothy Kirk.

 

Jim hummed at the name before he suddenly realised he didn’t know why his son was named Grayson Timothy Kirk. Nobody in his family tree had that name and Spock’s mother’s last name was Grayson. “Hey, did your mother ever tell you why your name is Grayson Timothy?”

 

Grayson stopped rambling as he looked at Jim. “My name?” he questioned. “Well, no.”

 

“Huh,” Jim said. “She didn’t tell you?”

 

“Mommy said that my dead grandfather’s name is Timothy,” Grayson said after a while. Jim nodded at him.

 

“Grayson,” he said slowly. “I wonder why that name.”

 

“Does it matter?” Grayson asked after a while. Jim looked at the boy before shaking and smiling.

 

“Nah, just curious,” he said as he looked at Spock, who was eyeing him. “Aren’t you curious as well why his name is Grayson Timothy Kirk? Like my name, mom said I was named after both of my grandfathers. Thus, James Tiberius Kirk.”

 

“I believe I did wonder as to why his name was Grayson,” Spock slowly conceded. “But it is unnecessary.”

 

“Aww, come on, Spock, it’s fun,” Jim said as he looked at Grayson and ran his fingers through the boy’s hair.

 

“Vulcans do not have fun,” Spock said and Grayson immediately whipped his head to Spock.

 

“They don’t?” Grayson asked. “So, you don’t have fun?”

 

Jim bit his bottom lip as he slowly scooted away. Spock looked at him before he narrowed his eyes. Jim just shrugged at him. “You dug your own grave, Spock. You deal with him. I’m going to take a shower.”

 

Spock didn’t have time to retaliate when Jim took the chance to walk to the closet, grab his clothes and towel and walked into the bathroom, closing the door shut. Once behind the door, the easy smile dropped and something warm plastered itself inside of him. He absent-mindedly touched his chest and rubbed it, wondering what the hell he was feeling at the moment. Walking to the mirror, he placed both of his palms at the edge of the sink and stared at himself.

 

“What is wrong with you, Jim?” he asked himself, looking dead in the eyes.

 

Spock, this was because of Spock. Whatever he was feeling, it was for Spock. He sighed as he broke his own eye contact and thumped his head gently against the mirror.

 

* * *

 

“Prepare an away team, Mr Spock. You’ll take the lead,” Jim said as he sat on the captain’s chair, eyeing the main viewer. They were on a mission currently to investigate the geographical pattern of a planet they had come across. Sulu had ran a scan and told him that there wasn’t any signs of life besides flora covering every inch of the planet.

 

After negotiating and discussing deeper about the mission, they found that the air was suitable enough to sustain life on the planet. “Jim, this is Bones. Send those who are going on the away team down to Sickbay. I need to vaccinate them,” Bones said from the comm.

 

“For what, Bones?” Jim asked.

 

“It’s for precaution, Jim,” Bones said. “Even though the atmosphere is suitable for human and other life forms, we still need to make sure that they get vaccinated from common diseases.”

 

“Copy that,” Jim said before he twirled his chair to meet Spock. “Pick your away team, Mr Spock and get them to Sickbay.”

 

Spock’s eyes filled with something unreadable for a moment before he nodded, standing up. “I will need Lieutenant Sulu, Ensign Syle, Dr. Padleski and two security officers to assemble this away team, Captain.”

 

“Granted. And Spock?” Jim said as he looked at the half-Vulcan in the eyes. “Be careful.”

 

Spock nodded at him before he looked at Sulu. “Lieutenant, you are with me. Ensign Syle, you as well.”

 

“Aye, Commander,” Sulu said as he stood up, relishing his post to another ensign before nodding at Jim. The captain nodded back as he settled into his seat and watched the away team being prepared and sent to beam down on the planet’s surface. Jim felt jittery inside, he didn’t know why.

 

He had this Kirk gut feeling that something was going to go horribly wrong. He bit his bottom lip as he looked at Chekov who was keeping everything in order. He knew better than to stop this just because he had a gut feeling but he also knew that his gut feeling never lied. The nervousness bleed through his systems like wine and he didn’t know why.

 

They had done this before and Jim loved the thrill of danger. But he was always on the away team before, which was why he never felt so disturbed to face danger in the eye. However, he wasn’t on the away team this time. He didn’t doubt Spock’s capability to lead the away team, but it just seemed a bit weird inside that he was going to sit here while Spock would be down there. After a few minutes, Spock comm Jim cutting the captain’s thoughts, “Captain, we are beaming down now.”

 

Jim hesitated. He felt this dread washing into him for a moment, feeling like this would be the last time he would hear Spock’s voice. “Captain?” Spock’s voice sounded again. “Captain, we are beaming down now.”

 

“Uh, okay, acknowledged,” Jim said as he cleared his throat, feeling the eyes of the bridge crew on him. “Go ahead, Mr Spock.”

 

“Acknowledged,” Spock said before they materialised on the planet’s surface.

 

“They’re on the planet’s surface, Captain,” an ensign said and Jim nodded.

 

“On main viewer,” Jim ordered and their life signs displayed on the screen. “Mr Spock, this is Jim. Report.”

 

“Just as we predicted, Captain,” Spock said through the speakers of the comm. “This planet reads no life signs and filled with flora, some that we are not familiar with. The landscape however is familiar to Terran forests.”

 

But before Jim could reply, something like a loud rustle was heard through the comm. “What the hell was that?” Sulu comm through sounding slightly disturbed.

 

“It seemed like a vine aimed itself at Lieutenant Sulu, Captain,” Dr Padleski said through the comm.

 

“Proceed with caution,” Jim ordered. “Set phasers to stun. If must, set to kill.”

 

And just before Jim could relay another order, the comm screeched loudly ringing throughout the bridge. Jim winced at the loudness as he looked at Uhura. She was wincing at the loudness as well, eyeing the screen as she tried to stabilise the connection. And then, the communications were cut off. “What happened?” Jim asked, looking at the main viewer.

 

“Sir,” the ensign from behind him said. “Their heart rates have increased and their adrenaline is high as well, indicating a flight or fight response. Something is going down there and it’s more likely they’re being attacked.”

 

“Shit,” Jim cursed. “Uhura, the communication, try to get them back!”

 

“I’m trying, Captain,” Uhura said as she frantically worked on tapping through the signals. After a few seconds, she nodded at Jim. “Got them!”

 

“Spock, report! What’s going on down there?” Jim said, trying to contain his panic inside.

 

“It seems that the floras are attacking us. It seems we have miscalculated the parameters of this mission.” Spock didn’t sound too good. He could hear his harsh breathing through the comm and the sounds of phasers being fired. Jim gripped the edge of his seat as he punched the comm to Transporter Room 2.

 

“Beam them up, Scotty,” Jim snapped through the comm.

 

“Aye’, Captain!” Scotty said through in response.

 

“Spock, listen, we’re beaming you up,” Jim said. But the comm was suddenly cut off making Jim to stand up. He looked at Uhura. “What?”

 

“I’m trying to get them back,” Uhura said, sounding serious and down cold even though he could see the same panic flashing on her face. But that was far from worse, Jim could tell.

 

“Sir! Commander Spock’s hurt and he’s bleeding. He was attacked and whatever it is that attacked him, he’s bleeding—fast,” a voice spoke. Jim turned around and stared at the science officer who was monitoring their health through the screens. “We need to beam them back up now.”

 

“Scotty!” Jim yelled through.

 

“I’m trying, Captain!” Scotty said. “I can’t get a lock down on their signal. There’s some interference in the static!”

 

“How long?”

 

“Two minutes, Captain,” Scotty said. A sharp beep alerted Jim as he turned back to their health charts.

 

“Captain, we just lost one of our security officers, Lieutenant Harold.”

 

“Goddamnit, we don’t have that long, Scotty!” Jim said.

 

“Got them!” Scotty’s voice yelled through the comm. “Beaming them up now, Captain!”

 

“Do it,” Jim said. “This is Jim to Sickbay. Bones, we need immediate attention at Transporter Room 2.

 

“Copy that, Jim,” Bones said through.

 

Jim immediately looked at the seventeen year-old before saying, “Chekov, you have the conn.”

 

“Aye’, Captain,” Chekov said as he looked at the captain. Jim didn’t hesitate to leave the bridge and rushed to the turbo lift. Something in him was tugging loudly and it didn’t feel pleasant. Once the doors slid opened, he found himself running to get to the Transporter Room 2.

 

“Scotty,” Jim said as he entered the room, the medical team was already there and Spock was on the stretch, green blood everywhere. Jim eyed Bones as he ordered everyone to head to Sickbay. “How bad, Bones?”

 

“I don’t know,” Bones said as he looked at Jim in the eyes. Sulu had scratched his arm meanwhile both of his security officers were dead. Thankfully, Ensign Syle and Dr. Padleski were unharmed even though they looked slightly bruised. Jim ran a shaky hand through his hair when his eyes landed on the transporter pad. It was green, and Jim recognised it was Spock’s blood.

 

“Report, what happened?” he demanded as he looked at Sulu, Syle and Padleski. Bones had already left the scene, bringing Spock to the Sickbay.

 

“We’re about to take a few steps forward when a sharp vine shot at us. It didn’t stop there, it seemed like the whole planet itself is alive. The floras had taken us as hostile presence and tried to injure us. One of the tendrils shot out sharply to pierce through Sulu’s chest and Spock had pushed him away. It hit him in his chest,” Dr Padleski said.

 

“Phasers—the phasers didn’t work,” Sulu said.

 

Jim felt his blood run cold at that. “There was a lot of blood,” Jim said.

 

“Yes,” Ensign Syle said gravely. “Spock was injured badly and before another one of its tendrils could hit us, we’re beamed up.”

 

“Report to Sickbay,” Jim said as they nodded and walked out of the room. Jim took in a deep breath, knowing he had a lot of paperwork to do. Scotty looked at him before giving a sympathetic smile.

 

“He’s going to be alright, Jim,” he said as he patted the captain on his right shoulder and walked out as well. Jim felt cold inside as he walked back to the bridge. He watched Spock bleed right there on the transporter pad. It wasn’t a pretty sight. His heart stopped beating for a moment and he realised that he was actually chanting some mantra inside his mind. He didn’t believe in no-win scenarios but he wasn’t a fool. He knew the risks when he joined Starfleet and he knew the risks on being a captain to a vessel.

 

But watching Spock there, it didn’t help him at all. It felt different. He lost so many crewmembers; he just wanted to stop the deaths by number. It was always a heavy blow every time he lost someone. But if Spock died because of some stupid exploration mission—no, he was not allowed to die. Steeling his fingers into a ball, he walked out of the turbo lift and headed to his captain’s chair.

 

“Captain?” Uhura questioned. Jim stopped for a moment before he took in a deep breath.

 

“He’s bleeding when he was materialised on the transporter pad,” he said as he looked at Uhura. Her eyes widened and he could see the fear and worry mingling in her eyes. “Sulu’s scratched his arm but he’s fine. Dr Padleski and Ensign Syle are fine too.”

 

“Spock,” she whispered as she touched her lips.

 

He looked at her for a minute before he walked back to his seat. “Ensign Chekov, plot a course out of here.”

 

“Aye’, Captain,” Chekov said as he did what he was told. Jim knew that everyone was tensed out, waiting for the news from the away team. Jim leaned his head back against his chair and closed his eyes momentarily. His mind was reeling through the images he had witnessed. He sighed before he opened his eyes and bit his bottom lip.

 

He knew this feeling. He couldn’t lose Spock. Not now.

 

Everything was fine, wasn’t it? Maybe he should have joined the away team. Spock was nothing but well thought out and all about logical moves and to think that he just jumped in front of Sulu like that and took the hit—it made Jim feel slightly disorientated and proud at the same time.

 

Disorientated that Spock would risk his life so easily for the second time and proud because he did it for his crew.

 

Rubbing his face, he stood up and decided to head to Sickbay. “Chekov, you have the conn.”

 

“Aye, Captain.”

 

* * *

 

“How is he?” Jim asked once Bones exited from the operating room.

 

“He’ll be fine, Jim,” Bones said. “The hobgoblin is doing his Vulcan voodoo. The stab was deep but it didn’t hit any vitals. He’s just mostly healing now.”

 

“So, he’ll be okay?”

 

“Yeah, the hobgoblin will survive for another day,” Bones said as he walked to his office, Jim trailing him.

 

“There was a lot of blood,” Jim said finally as he sat down on the chair, running his fingers through his hair. “I thought I lost him.”

 

“Well, we almost did,” Bones said as he sat in front of Jim. “Jim, I ain’t gonna sugar-coat the damage he had taken. He almost died out there due to blood loss. If he had been beamed up a minute later, we couldn’t have saved him. He was lucky nothing vital was damaged. We managed to replicate his blood cells and use some of the blood we stored in our blood bank.”

 

“Fucking plants,” Jim whispered to himself.

 

“Ain’t we all,” Bones said as he sighed.

 

“Doctor McCoy, the test results from all the away team members have arrived,” Nurse Chapel said as she walked in. She handed the results to Bones before she smiled gently at Jim. Jim nodded back at her before he sighed.

 

“Well, everyone else is stable,” Bones said. “If Sulu had taken the hit, Jim, he would’ve died on the spot. Spock saved him.”

 

“And now he’s on the bed,” Jim said with a bitter laugh. “I—I was scared, Bones. I thought he was a goner from the way his vital signs were showing up on the screen. I can’t lose him, Bones.”

 

“God, Jim,” Bones said. “He didn’t die. He’s fine. The hobgoblin will wake up soon. He’s on leave for the next twenty four hours after he wakes up.”

 

“He’ll throw a tantrum,” Jim said with a weak smile.

 

“He’ll just have to suck it up and live with it,” Bones huffed out. “Are you okay?”

 

“Fine,” Jim said as he waved his hand. “It just the same heavy feeling whenever I lose one of my crewmembers.”

 

“They all knew the risks when they joined Starfleet, Jim,” Bones said as he stood up. He then squeezed Jim’s right shoulder and continued, “You did what you could do as Captain.”

 

Jim shivered at the sentence as Bones left the office. Sighing once more, he got up and headed out of the office. His eyes caught onto Spock, now lying on the bio bed looking as good as dead. Jim winced at the thought, chastising himself that Spock wasn’t dead. He was just in a healing trance and he would wake up soon.

 

But he looked so pale. So innocent and so defenceless that Jim felt a surge of protectiveness for his friend. “Spock,” Jim whispered as he sighed. This feeling inside of him, this feeling that Jim now knew boarded farther than friendship, was singing a sad carol at him. When he heard about Spock losing blood fast, his heart had stopped beating and his attention was solely focused on Spock and Spock alone.

 

For a moment, he felt guilty of not thinking about anyone else. He felt as if someone was ready to rip a part of him with it. He walked closer to the bio bed, feeling his hand shaking slightly as he touched the edge of the bed. He looked at Spock closely. His mind was narrowing down to him and only him.

 

What would happen if Spock really died?

 

A cold shiver went through his spine as he shook his head. No, he couldn’t think like that. It was wearing him down from within. He looked at his First Officer, his eyes catching onto his eyebrows for a moment before a weak smile played on his lips. His fingers itched to touch them, to feel what it would be like underneath his fingertips. And those ears, so pointy and yet—they looked so soft. Jim never dared to touch Spock’s pointed ears. He didn’t want to cross any Vulcan taboo. But when Grayson touched them, he had commented that they were soft.

 

He wanted to touch those ears. And for a moment, he almost did before the realisation dawned on him and he took a sharp step back. What the hell was he about to do? There he was, Spock, his best friend, his First Officer, his—his—his—

 

His—other half, lying on the bed and here he was wanting to touch his goddamn ears.

 

Jim started to panic from the sudden impact of his own feelings. His other half—Spock was his other half. It sounded cheesy, it sounded weird and it sounded completely stupid and yet, he felt so right. He was starting to see that special connection that everyone else could. He was starting to really feel what everyone else felt when they saw them together.

 

He shook his head as his emotions got the best of him. The sudden shock of his own feelings mixed with the confusion of when it happened and suddenly all steeling down to Spock’s possibility on rejecting those said feelings. He ended up running away from Sickbay, heading straight to find Grayson.

 

And what about Grayson?

 

Spock loved Grayson, Jim knew that. But now that Jim was beginning to be self-aware of his own feelings, he was going to have a hard time trying to deal with it. Jim was never good with relationships. The last time anyone had confessed their love was from an Orion girl named Gaila Vro.

 

To her, Jim had ended up replying, ‘Huh, that’s strange.’

 

James Tiberius Kirk didn’t do love. He didn’t do the romantic types because he was a disaster inside. Every time he tried to steel one relationship down, the next minute something would happen and he had to let them go. But Spock—Jim took in a deep breath as he walked out of the turbo lift, heading to Grayson’s math class.

 

“Jim?” Grayson called out as Jim walked into the room. His teacher stood up and nodded at him. Jim just nodded back before he walked to Grayson and dragged the boy into a hug. Grayson hugged him back but he could feel the confusion. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing,” Jim said as he hugged Grayson tight. Grayson slowly took a step back from the hug, looking at Jim in the eyes. “Nothing—just—some things happened.”

 

“What things?” Grayson asked again, his hands clutching tight at Jim’s sides.

 

“Spock,” Jim started. “Was injured badly. He’s alright now. He’s in his healing trance in Sickbay.”

 

Grayson’s eyes widened and he saw the boy’s eyes filling up with tears. The teacher had already excused herself and walked out, leaving the two of them alone. Jim kneeled to the ground, smiling at Grayson for a bit before he sighed. “Can I see him?”

 

“No,” Jim said. “We’ll see him tomorrow, okay?”

 

Grayson nodded, something shadowy reflecting on the boy’s face. He had to think about Grayson first now. He couldn’t just leap and dive in like he usually did when it came to his feelings. When everything else failed, Grayson would be trapped in the middle.

 

Jim wasn’t even sure a hundred percent if what he felt for Spock was—love.

 

But it was definitely something beyond friendship. Sure, Spock was a handsome individual with devilish looks and a sassy attitude that could make all the girls swoon. And it might not be relevant but Jim had thought that he was—hot for the better lack of words. But he was with Uhura at that time and suddenly, all side-feelings that didn’t match about Spock was buried six feet under him.

 

He never touched them again.

 

Until now when he began to notice Spock once more and he was outside of the borderlines of platonic. He didn’t even know if he wanted to be with Spock.

 

He just wasn’t sure what to feel at the moment.

 

* * *

 

By the time Spock woke up, Jim was on the bridge, monitoring their journey to Star Base 6.  Bones had comm him and told him that Spock was awake. Jim was already up and out of the bridge, leaving the con to Sulu who was already healthy for his shift the next day.

 

Jim had gone to pick Grayson up from his quarters before they made way to Sickbay. “Spock’s awake?” Grayson asked as Jim nodded, a smile playing on his lips. Grayson sighed in relief before he followed him to Sickbay. The doors hissed opened and Jim walked in with Grayson following.

 

“Spock?” Jim said as he spotted Spock. The half-Vulcan was sitting against the headboard of the bed, closing his eyes with his hands firmly on his lap. His eyes opened when Jim called him before he aimed them at Jim.

 

“Jim,” he said. His eyes then landed on Grayson. “Grayson.”

 

The boy was already sniffling before he walked up to Spock and before Jim could stop him, he had hugged Spock. Spock stiffened immediately before he placed his right hand on the boy’s shoulders and patted him gently. “Grayson,” Jim ushered the boy to stand back when Bones arrived, his PADD clutched in his hands.

 

“Well,” Bones said checking everything. “He’s fine. Spock, you can leave the Sickbay but you are off duty for twenty four hours. Just rest and nothing else, Spock.”

 

“I understand, Doctor,” Spock said before he looked at Jim again. “The mission?”

 

“We left the planet but we have enough details to make it into report,” Jim said. “How are you feeling?” he asked.

 

“I am fine,” Spock said.

 

“Well, you gave us quite a scare, you hobgoblin,” Bones said. “You had a hole in your chest and blood everywhere. We taught we almost lost you.”

 

Grayson’s eyes widened at that and Jim just tugged the boy’s head into his hip, caressing his hair as he looked at Spock. “He’s okay now, right?” Grayson asked slowly and Bones nodded.

 

“He’s fit as a fiddle, kid,” Bones said with a smile. “I have other patients to check on now, Jim. So, bring Spock out of here. See you, Grayson.” Grayson nodded as Bones walked back to his office meanwhile Jim looked at Spock.

 

“You should get to your quarters, Spock,” Jim said. “I’ll see you after shift.”

 

“Can I stay with him?” Grayson asked.

 

“I don’t think so,” Jim said. “He needs rest.”

 

“I have achieved optimum rest, Jim,” Spock said slowly. “I do not mind his presence around me.”

 

Jim bit his bottom lip before nodding. “Okay, I have to get back to the bridge.”

 

“Go, Jim,” Spock said. “We will see you soon as well.”

 

Jim eyed Spock a few minutes, just taking in the fact that Spock looked healthier, greener if Jim must say. His heart still managed to beat slightly faster when Spock’s dark eyes met his. A twitch of the lips had him blushing red before he cleared his throat and patted Grayson’s head. With that, he turned around and walked out of Sickbay.

 

* * *

 

Jim was walking down the hallway after his shift, heading to Spock’s quarters. He was dwelling on his feelings again, wondering where they stood. If he was honest with himself, he could see Spock being with him even though it did sound weird to him at first. He liked the idea of Spock being with him at all times, being with Grayson and just being them.

 

It was a soft feeling that took Jim by surprise. Maybe it was longing for a family that actually stick together but with Spock there with him, he felt complete. He felt like he could depend on Spock and just be himself without getting judged.

 

Was it physical then? The need to feel the warmth of another being next to him every time he closed his eyes—was it that? He knew that he slept better when Grayson was next to him. It was the comfort of knowing that there was someone else out there who actually would like Jim next to them. So, if he imagined Spock next to him, just looking at his face before he went to sleep—well, it sounded pleasant to be honest.

 

He had seen Spock when he was asleep. Like at the Sickbay yesterday. That soft look that only Jim could see somehow managed to make his heart flutter. He bit his bottom lip realising that no, this wasn’t purely physical. Did he want to sleep with Spock? Have sex with him and get it out of his system?

 

No, that sounded too off the charts.

 

Jim knew that sex with Spock was—well, he didn’t know how sex with Spock would be like. But the knowledge that the half-Vulcan was three times stronger somehow sent a shiver down his spine and managed to make him stop walking for a second. The fact that the half-Vulcan could literally pin him down without much of sweat made Jim felt a bit squeamish and yet slightly excited inside.

 

But despite it being, he still craved for something else.

 

They were the warmth that only an emotional response could give.

 

But Jim didn’t want to gamble whatever they had for something he couldn’t have. He could bring this matter up to Spock and if he got rejected, it would make a hole in his heart—he knew it. Watching Spock on that transporter pad where his life slipping away made Jim’s heart clenched tight. It made him realise that he could lose Spock at any time and any day.

 

It made Jim wonder for a second if this was what Spock was feeling when Jim died. This sheer panic mixed with anger that you couldn’t do anything but watch him die and then, this overwhelming sadness when he finally let go and slipped away from your grasp. Jim had felt this mix of emotions before but they were never in a full force.

 

He didn’t want to know what it would feel like if it was in full effect.

 

It would kill him from within, he knew it.

 

He ran his fingers through his hair. So, he wanted to be with Spock after all.

 

He bit his bottom lip as he continued to walk to Spock’s quarters and rang in. Once the door slid opened with a hiss, he walked in. His slight troubling thoughts melted away when he saw how Grayson was sitting next to Spock talking. They stopped mid-way and looked at Jim. “Hey,” Jim said with a grin as he walked forward and looked at Grayson.

 

With that, he looked around Spock’s room. This was the first time he had been in Spock’s quarters. Like really in his quarters. It was different from Jim’s room. Everything was neatly organised and there was a corner for his meditation. His meditating mat was rolled to a corner. The room also smelled softly like incense.

 

This made Jim grin wider. It was practically screaming Spock. He stood near the bedside, not ready to sit on Spock’s bed. “What are you guys doing?”

 

“Talking,” Grayson said. “I made Spock promise that he would be more careful.”

 

“Oh?” Jim said as he looked at Spock and raised his eyebrows.

 

“His logic was sound, therefore I see no reason to not accept his conditions,” Spock explained even though Jim saw the humour in his eyes. His eyes were just so damn expressive and Jim actually enjoyed seeing the expression fleeting through those orbs once again.

 

“Very logical son of ours,” Jim said as he messed up Grayson’s hair.

 

“Indeed,” Spock agreed. Grayson’s cheeks reddened a bit as he smiled at them. Just then the room door chimed. Spock raised his eyebrows as he got up from the bed and slowly walked to the door. Once the door opened, Lieutenant Char poked his head in and grinned when he saw Grayson.

 

“You have classes you know,” he said with a cheeky tone. “Captain, Commander. I’m glad to see you well again.”

 

“Thank you, Lieutenant,” Spock said as Grayson got up from the bed and walked to Lieutenant Char.

 

“I’ll see you soon, Spock,” Grayson said before he waved at Jim. Spock nodded before Lieutenant Char greeted one last time and walked away with Grayson trailing him. With that, Spock walked back into his room, the door closing behind him. Spock shuffled across his room until he stood in front of the replicator.

 

“Would you like some refreshments, Jim?” Spock asked as he looked at Jim. The captain blinked and was about to reply—when he realised what Spock was wearing. It looked like he was wearing his black regulations pants and shirt. Jim felt his blood growing hot slightly when he realised how good Spock looked in black.

 

It just popped his pale skin from the colour. He could see the broad shoulders and tall figure, practically looking like he had just stepped out from a magazine. Jim didn’t know how he could have missed it. Spock was actually really appealing to one’s eyes. That was why he was sought out by so many. It was his cold-hot attitude that made most scared to approach him.

 

“Jim?” Spock called out when Jim didn’t reply.

 

“Huh?” Jim asked as he looked back at Spock in the eyes.

 

“Would you like some refreshments?” Spock repeated his question. Jim blinked for a few seconds before he cleared his throat and ran his fingers through his hair.

 

“No, thanks,” he said. Spock looked back to the replicator and replicated himself his tea.

 

“Chess, perhaps?” Spock said after a while, leaning against his desk as he drank his tea. His eyes caught Jim’s blue ones, waiting for an answer.

 

Jim nodded, not trusting his voice. Spock pointed to the tri-D chess set up on the table and proceeded to walk there. Jim sat in front of him as they began playing, the silence settling down on him comfortably. Jim actually missed this, playing chess with Spock. Spock started first and Jim watched the chessboard, contemplating his next three moves ahead.

 

But most part of his brain was back to his feelings for Spock. Now that he had established them, he was more aware of Spock. He was more aware that he was in Spock’s quarters all alone. He was aware that one misguided word from him could possibly ruin everything they had for years.

 

Jim tucked the horrifying thoughts back into his mind when Spock made his first move. Jim took a few seconds before he carelessly placed his pawn up front. Spock raised his eyebrows at the move as he glanced at Jim. Jim knew he had already done such a silly mistake and Spock must have known something was wrong.

 

But the half-Vulcan didn’t say anything for a while and continued to play. It took only ten minutes to beat Jim and the half-Vulcan was looking at Jim by the end of the game. “That was surprisingly easy, Jim,” Spock said as he sipped onto his Vulcan Spice Tea.

 

Jim nodded before looking at Spock and smiled. “Sorry, mind’s not in the game. Let’s rematch. I’ll beat you this time.”

 

Spock kept quiet for a few seconds before he nodded once. “Very well.”

 

They played the second round, yet not much changed from the previous round. Jim still lost and this time considerably in shorter period of time than just now. Jim blinked at the board and sighed loudly when Spock had announced ‘Checkmate’.

 

“It seems that you are not focused,” Spock said. “Would you like to stop for now?”

 

“Uhm, sure,” Jim said, feeling slightly embarrassed.

 

“You are anxious,” Spock continued after a while, his eyes were calculating Jim.

 

“No,” Jim said as he laughed a bit. “I’m not—I’m fine.”

 

Spock thinned his lips as he placed his glass of tea on the table. “Jim, I believe I could be in assistance if you care to share your thoughts with me.”

 

“Is that a request?” Jim teased.

 

“It is a suggestion. Whether or not you are amenable to the suggestion is up to you,” Spock said. Jim thought of the offer for a minute. But what could he say to Spock? _Hey, so, look here, I think I have feelings for you that’s beyond friendship and even though I don’t know if it’s really love, I know that I want to be with you, so let’s get together, yeah?_

 

Yeah, Jim didn’t think it would work.

 

Jim just smiled at the end. “Nothing, Spock. It’s fine.”

 

“Very well,” Spock said, clearly not pushing Jim to tell what was on his mind.

 

“You know, I missed this,” Jim suddenly said. “This, us, hanging out.”

 

Spock seemed to wince invisibly at the statement. “I apologise for the distress I caused these past few days, Jim.”

 

“It’s alright,” Jim said. “You fixed your problem, right? Besides, I was with Bones half of the time.”

 

Something in Spock’s eyes flickered closed and Jim stopped talking when he saw that expression. He frowned at the look before he leaned away. Spock looked at his glass as he thinned his lips. His shoulders were tensed and Jim knew that Spock was thinking about something and was stressed about it.

 

After a pregnant pause with the sudden change of atmosphere, Spock looked up to Jim and said, “Are you and Doctor McCoy in a romantic relationship?”

 

Jim was thankful he didn’t drink anything at the moment or he would’ve choked on it. Jim’s mouth dropped and his eyes widened at the question. “W—what?” he asked loudly. After a while, he groaned and rubbed his face. “Not you too, Spock.”

 

Spock just raised his eyebrows at the captain, his jaw still clicked tight.

 

“Of course not!” Jim said. “I’m not involved in Bones that way.”

 

“If this is about you being uncomfortable with everyone knowing about your relationship with Doctor McCoy—”

 

“Spock,” Jim said quickly, cutting Spock off. Jim really didn’t think it would be a cool idea to let Spock think that he was involved with Bones. “I’m not—I don’t like Bones that way. We’re best friends. Goddamnit, who’s the one who started this rumour anyway?”

 

“It is not a rumour if there is evidence and facts supporting it,” Spock said.

 

“And the evidence is not legitimate,” Jim said with a frown. “Seriously, Bones was just trying out this weird psychological thing and it backfired on us. On him, mostly. Spock, we’re not together like that. You believe me, right?”

 

Spock eyed Jim warily for a few seconds. “You are not in any kind romantic relationship with Doctor McCoy.”

 

“No,” Jim said seriously. “I’m not. Did you think I would let Bones declare his ever dying love there in the mess hall if I really was involved with him? No, just no.”

 

“I see,” Spock said but the tick near his jaw was gone. His posture seemed more relaxed and Jim wondered for a moment if that was the reason why Spock acted so distant with him. There was hope inside of him, maybe slightly fatty, but it was still hope and he wanted so badly to squish it to the ground because—come on, this was Spock.

 

But Jim had to ask when the curiosity got the best of him.

 

“Is that,” Jim started, licking his lips. “Is that why you ignored me?”

 

Spock tensed up immediately, his ears turning green at the tips. “Jim.”

 

“No, no, come on, tell me,” Jim said. “Is that why you ignored me? Because you thought Bones and I are shacking up?”

 

Spock huffed out, that equivalent to sigh to a human thing, before looking at Jim with the look that obviously spoke volumes. Mostly this one said ‘You-Humans-Speak-Illogically-And-It-Confuses-And-Irks-Me-All-The-Time’ thing and Jim couldn’t help but to smile at that. Jim knew that Spock was mainly doing this for fun. He knew Spock was well-versed in the English language than any human alive.

 

But then he looked away, his cheeks were dusting with emerald green and Jim was beginning to feel hopeful. Maybe his feelings were being responded in some kind. “I,” Spock started before he looked back at Jim. “I was merely busy in my labs, Jim. I was not avoiding you.”

 

“Are we back to that again?” Jim asked, sounding put off the minute the words rushed out of Spock’s mouth. “Seriously, Spock?”

 

Spock hesitated for a while before he finally relented. “It was—true. I was keeping a distance from you—”

 

“Avoiding me,” Jim cut him off with a smile. Spock eyed him darkly before he continued.

 

“As I was saying, the reason why I kept my distance from you was because I was informed that you were involved in a relationship with the good Doctor,” Spock said. “The fact that you were with him did—did not make me comfortable knowing.”

 

“Why?” Jim asked, leaning in closer.

 

“I admit Jim, emotions are not my best areas of expertise,” Spock said as he looked Jim in the eyes. “And the—fear—of losing our friendship because of my developed feelings past the acceptable parameters for a friendship had kept me from telling you.”

 

Jim’s eyes widened at the declaration. He felt his heart thumping loudly against his chest and the thought that maybe Spock was feeling like what he felt was suddenly thrilling. It poured more hope into Jim even though he tried his best from showing it on his face. He wanted to be sure that Spock was really telling him the full story.

 

“Jim,” Spock continued. “I have realised that my emotions were always unchecked when it comes to you. You elicit multiple emotional responses from me all at once on multiple occasions and one of them was when you—died—in the radiation chamber. Watching you slip away from my grasp had me realised that I have not done my best to get to know you.”

 

Jim licked his lips, his eyes stuttering down to the chessboard. He shifted in his seat and felt himself growing nervous. His cheeks were reddening as well, in fact, since the whole quarters was slightly warmer, it made Jim felt hot in these clothes.

 

“I felt anger and disappointment after you have died. At that exact moment, I have realised that you were important to me in more ways than I could imagine,” Spock said with a slight turns of his lips before his face settled down to neutral. “My shields failed me as I watched you die. My emotions were acting primitively. And when you were alive once more, I decided that I would not allow you to die again, not unless I could do something to prevent it. Somehow, my feelings have progressed from friendship into something deeper, something that no words in Standard could translate. Jim, what I feel for you is something pure and real.

 

“And when you touched me at the Observation Deck, I felt our compatibility. Our minds immediately tried to seek out each other and my shield dropped for one point three seconds. However, our friendship means a great deal to me, Jim. I would not risk our friendship for something that would not benefit both parties at the end. It is only logical that I kept them inside.”

 

“But when you heard Bones and I were together,” Jim started slowly.

 

“I could not accept the fact that you and Doctor McCoy were in a romantic relationship. It made me irrational and irritated,” Spock said. “But I have meditated on this and tried to accept it at the end.”

 

Jim blinked for a few seconds. “So, your so called solution was to give me up?”

 

“Affirmative,” Spock said quietly. Jim felt his heart deflating a bit.

 

“So, have you?” Jim asked gently, steeling himself for the answer. “Have you given me up?”

 

“Jim,” Spock said as he looked at Jim in the eyes. “I tried to meditate this past by me however, I have failed to do so at the moment. I will try harder in the future.”

 

Jim clenched his fingers into a ball before he licked his lips. “What if,” Jim said. “What if I don’t want you to give me up?”

 

“Jim?” Spock said.

 

“I,” Jim started. “What if I said—I felt the same way?”

 

Spock remained silent as he looked at Jim in the eyes. His jaw tightened once more before his eyes narrowed. “Clarify.”

 

“I—I just realised it, Spock,” Jim finally said, his voice sounding raw. “I just realised it when I saw you bleeding on that transporter pad. I couldn’t lose you, Spock. I see you more than a friend, Spock. I see you like my second half. Like—like—we’re meant to be. But I don’t know if I love you yet. But I want to be with you, Spock. I can’t stand seeing you slip away from me.”

 

Spock got up from his chair and moved across the table, reaching to Jim’s side. He placed a hand at the back of the chair before he bent down to face Jim’s face closely. “Jim,” he said softly as his dark eyes met the blue ones. “You are important to me, Jim. If you are not sure about me, we do not have to do this. I have harboured this feeling for you for almost three point one year, Jim.”

 

Jim’s eyes widened. He felt the sudden burst of happiness inside, the joy that someone really loved him. “Yeah?” he said slowly. “I don’t think I’ll feel like this about anyone else, Spock. Can’t we try at least? I know Vulcans don’t do casual, but—I’m not looking for a one-time thing. That’s pretty serious in my books.”

 

Spock quirked his lips upwards slightly. “Our friendship shall and always be important to me, Jim.”

 

“And me too,” Jim agreed. “Me too.” Jim slowly and hesitatingly touched Spock’s left cheek. The half-Vulcan didn’t shy away, instead he leaned closer and Jim felt his face heating up. His skin was soft under Jim’s touch. “Can I?” Jim whispered slowly and Spock leaned in closer before he took Jim’s left hand.

 

“You can,” Spock whispered back, his eyes finally— _finally_ —looked like they always did. And Jim felt himself smiling wide when he recognised that feeling in Spock’s eyes at last. It was—it wasn’t love but it was something deeper and stronger. Jim felt Spock intertwining their fingers before he slowly grazed Jim’s index and middle finger and placing his own index and middle finger against them.

 

A jolt of electricity through Jim’s body had him taking a sharp breath as he closed his eyes for a moment. “W—what?” Jim asked as he opened his eyes and looked at Spock. Spock’s eyes were fond and Jim felt the surge of warmth bursting through him. “What was that?”

 

“It is a Vulcan kiss,” Spock said and Jim couldn’t help but to chuckle under his breath as he nodded.

 

“I like it,” he said. “Now, Terran kiss?”

 

“I would be amenable to that suggestion,” Spock said before Jim smiled wider and caressed Spock’s left cheek before he dragged the half-Vulcan’s face closer to his until he could feel Spock breathing on his face. Looking at Spock’s lips, he licked his own. They were only a few inches away, just a bit more and his lips would be against Spock’s.

 

Jim’s right hand slowly traced his strong jaw before he touched the back of Spock’s head and dragged him close until his lips landed on Jim’s. The feeling of their lips finally meeting ended up making Jim shiver as Spock’s grip on their intertwined fingers tightened. Spock lifted his left hand and grabbed Jim by the side of his neck and pulled him closer.

 

Their lips mashed together and it felt good. Jim had never kissed anyone like this before, so full of emotions and it wasn’t desperate—it was simply them being them. It was unique in another word. Spock knew how to kiss though, God. Jim didn’t know where he learned to do so but he was so damn good that Jim had to close his eyes tight, relishing at the feeling of his lips. Jim’s fingers grabbed onto the back of Spock’s head before running his fingers through the dark raven-coloured hair. It was soft, very soft just like how he thought it would feel. He squeezed the back of Spock’s neck and ran his fingers up to his hair again, messing it up along the way as their kiss went a little bit desperate.

 

Spock pushed Jim against the chair even deeper before he prodded his tongue against Jim’s lips. The captain gasped with the sudden intrusion, allowing Spock to angle his head a bit and dipped his tongue into Jim’s hot mouth. The young captain moaned in reflex when he felt Spock’s tongue prodding everywhere, from caressing his teeth to the edges of his mouth, just taking in detail.

 

Jim tried to do the same, trying to feel what Spock’s mouth felt like too but at the end, he couldn’t actually dominate the kiss, letting the half-Vulcan do as he pleased. That thought send a sharp thrill down his spine, making him gasp in the kiss again as he clutched onto Spock by the back of his neck tighter. Spock’s hand which was on his neck slowly caressed his jaw, his thumb rubbing circles on the skin in comfort.

 

Before long, they needed air and Jim finally pushed Spock away gently, gasping for air. They were breathing harshly on each other’s cheeks. Jim finally pushed Spock away until Spock broke their intertwined fingers and stood up. Jim licked his lips, tasting Spock as his eyes glazed on the half-Vulcan. His always so neat hair was now a messed up bunch and his eyes were blown wide.

 

Jim couldn’t help but to grin when he saw how puffy Spock’s lips looked like, green painted around his cheeks and the tips of his ears. Spock looked at Jim before he raised his eyebrows. However, Jim could see the sudden flash of something dangerous in Spock’s eyes when the Vulcan took in how dishevelled Jim looked.

 

Somehow, that sent another shudder down his spine and Jim wanted nothing more but to find out how dangerous Spock could get. But Spock didn’t act on it and it was probably for the best. Jim had always thought about pleasure than other factors in a relationship and this one with Spock, was one that he didn’t want to fuck up.

 

He found himself actually wanting to, for the first time in his life, take things slow. It surprised the Kirk that he found himself using words like ‘slow’ and ‘relationship’ in one sentence. And that had sent Jim laughing. Spock just watched Jim’s glee before he questioned, “What seems to be humorous, Jim?”

 

Jim’s laughter faltered when he realised how raw Spock sounded and Jim mentally held himself back from launching at Spock for another mind-blowing kiss. Fuck, that was mind-blowing in so many ways. “Nothing,” Jim said as he smiled. “I’m just thinking about how we should take this slow and then I realised—I never really took things slow well.”

 

Spock quirked his lips upwards for second. “It will be different with me, then, would it not?”

 

“Yes,” Jim said. “It will because—you mean a lot to me.”

 

“As you are to me,” Spock said slowly.

 

Silence dawned them for a while before Jim’s eyes widened when he thought about Grayson. He sighed loudly as he rubbed his face, wondering what to do with him. “What about Grayson?”

 

“Do you want to inform him about the change in our relationship?” Spock asked as he looked at Jim.

 

“Not that I don’t want him to know about us, Spock,” Jim said slowly as he bit his bottom lip. “But I think it would wise to wait for a while before telling him, right?”

 

Jim thought that Spock was going to shut off again, maybe retreat away to his cave but Spock didn’t. He nodded, agreeing and he understood what Jim was trying to say. Jim needed to be comfortable and confident about the fact that he could love Spock, maybe even love him like how much Spock loved him. He wanted to make sure this was permanent before involving Grayson.

 

If anything shall happen, he didn’t want Grayson to be in stuck in the middle.

 

And Jim knew Spock knew it too.

 

* * *

 

So, it was official. There weren’t many changes in their relationship. Spock still treated Jim like he did when they were friends and Jim still treated him like he usually did. Just behind closed door, they would touch each other more often and sometimes, when they hadn’t really gotten time to be together and when Grayson was away, they would end up kissing until they were making out like two horny teenagers.

 

But that didn’t mean people didn’t notice it. His bridge crewmembers were suspecting something, Jim could tell. Spock didn’t bother with what they had to say and Jim envied that he didn’t care about what other people said about them. Jim could see Uhura’s smile every time he looked at her and Jim knew that she knew it too.

 

They tried to keep things private but it was futile, he should have known when Uhura came up to Jim and congratulated him before threatening to literally make his life a living hell if he hurt Spock. She was scary when she was serious. Bones noticed the change too before he said, “Finally, you two got your acts together.”

 

Jim had to keep his blush in check meanwhile Spock went rigid in his seat.

 

Overall, they kept this going for about three months. Their idea of dates consisted of chess or maybe doing paperwork together. Sometimes, they would eat dinner together at the mess hall or at the Observation Deck whenever Grayson wasn’t around. Jim was getting used to being with Spock. Even though they hadn’t gone as far as sharing a bed, he still was attached to Spock a lot part of the day.

 

It still scared him though. This irrational fear inside that one day, Spock was going to see how broken he really was and decided that Jim wasn’t it. That Jim wasn’t worth the trouble. He feared at that day because he could finally say with confidence that Spock was it.

 

He was it.

 

After three months together, Spock was it. The half-Vulcan took care of him when Jim needed it. He was never demanding but always speaking his mind out and very funny. Other people didn’t see the humour but Jim could. He knew when Spock was being serious and he knew when Spock intentionally became a smart ass to make him laugh.

 

But it still bothered him slightly that Spock was going to realise one day that Jim wasn’t who he wanted. That thought had him halting in multiple occasions but he couldn’t voice it out. Spock’s right hand travelled to his hip and pushed him down to the couch, causing Jim to come back to reality.

 

They were kissing after dinner, Grayson had decided to spend some time with Sulu and his botanical ideas. Spock broke the kiss as he cradled Jim’s head while looming over him, their legs an entangled mess as Jim breathed in air, lying flat on the couch.

 

Spock eyed for a second before he said, “What is bothering you, Jim?”

 

Jim flickered his blue eyes at Spock before smiling. He ran his hands down Spock’s shoulders to his elbows. “Nothing,” he said but Spock only narrowed his eyes.

 

“You are lying, Jim,” Spock said as he slowly sat up, dragging Jim along with him until they were sitting down close to each other. Jim sighed as he gripped onto Spock’s shoulders again. Before Spock could even do anything else, Jim had dropped his hands around Spock’s chest and dragged the half-Vulcan close to him. He buried his face near Spock’s neck and breathed in.

 

Spock’s right hand tightened around the back of Jim’s head while his other hand wrapped around his waist immediately. Jim smile against Spock’s neck at how protective this embrace was. His cooler body temperature served comfortable against Jim’s slightly higher one. “Am I—am I really what you want?”

 

Spock pulled Jim away from the embrace almost immediately. Jim blinked at the sudden move as Spock looked at him. “I have established the fact that yes, you are what I want, Jim.”

 

“I know, I know,” Jim said as he shrugged helplessly. “It’s just sometimes, it got me thinking that what if you—what if you know how broken I am? What if you think I’m too emotional or something? What if you get tired of me?”

 

“Jim,” Spock started. “If that type of thought has occurred to me before, it would have been illogical for me to have pursued this relationship with you.”

 

“So, you won’t just up and leave?” Jim asked. Spock raised his eyebrows and Jim could see the seriousness in his eyes.

 

“No, I would not ‘just up and leave’ you, Jim,” he said as he tightened his grip around the captain. “I would not abandon you if things are not going smoothly.”

 

Jim fell silent before he sighed. “I told you about Tarsus IV, didn’t I? I was broken back then, Spock. And even though it has been years, it still is a part of me.”

 

“And that was what had shaped the Jim you are now,” Spock said quietly. “The Jim that makes an admirable captain and also an admirable friend.”

 

Jim felt himself smiling before looking at Spock and sighing. “You’re smooth, you know that?” Jim teased and Spock simply quirked his lips upwards.

 

“Perhaps,” Spock said.

 

Jim settled back to the embrace, placing his hands around Spock. He guessed this was real after all. Spock wrapped his arms against Jim tight as well.

 

* * *

 

It didn’t just occur to Jim that he was falling for Spock. It hadn’t happened overnight. It happened slowly and by the time they were six months in, Jim still hadn’t uttered the three words because he was still not sure if he meant them.

 

But he knew he did by the end of the sixth month. He was just sitting in his room, watching Grayson doing his homework meanwhile Spock sat on the couch working on his report. And then Grayson got up and decided to sit next to Spock, snuggling close. Spock let Grayson do so, looking down to Grayson for a moment before he looked back to his PADD.

 

And Jim, who was sitting near the desk, looked up from his own reports and caught the sight. And somehow, just like that, he felt the sudden burst of warmth and he knew—he was already falling in love with Spock. He bit his bottom lip before Spock caught his eyes. They stared for a few seconds before Jim grinned and went back to his own report.

 

Grayson on the other hand, still hadn’t called Jim ‘Dad’. Spock said it would gradually happen but Jim hoped so. He was just starting to get the hang of this sudden fatherhood. Everything in his life was peaceful again—but not for long.

 

A new mission came for the Enterprise and they had to check a planet requesting for help. There seemed to be something killing off the villagers and Starfleet asked them to check it out. By the time they reached there, Jim had to remind himself that he wasn’t allowed to be on the away team. But when Spock was about to leave the bridge to prepare for the away team, Jim had found himself feeling dread again.

 

This time, it felt like a kick.

 

But since there was no basis, Jim didn’t react to it.

 

Everything was fine with the team investigating the villagers and trying to find what was killing them. They ventured around the perimeters of the crime scene before phasers were being shot and Jim was up and out of his seat when they said that this was a rogue attack.

 

“Spock, report,” Jim spoke through the comm.

 

“We are being shot at the moment, Captain,” Spock voice said. “It turns out we have an anti-Federation group aiming to kill us.”

 

“Shit,” Jim whispered. But he wasn’t going to go down without a fight. He gathered his security officers before Jim walked to the transporter pad. Scotty was telling how it was risky beaming down to the ground but Jim wasn’t going to sit down and idly watch his crewmembers getting shot at. “Beam us down, Scotty.”

 

Scotty hesitated before he cursed under his breath and nodded. With that, in moments, Jim materialised on the ground. He heard the phasers being shot nearby as he navigated to the scene. “Spock!” Jim yelled as the half-Vulcan shot the rogue before ducking behind one of the rocks in this stone-carved city. “Spread out. Set phasers to kill if you must.”

 

With that, Jim tried to get control of the situation until the leader of the rogue came up to them. Jim followed where the leader was aiming his phaser and his heart stopped when he saw it was being aimed at Spock. “Shit,” he cursed before he ran towards Spock. He didn’t have time to warm his First Officer as he pushed him away before the hit got him.

 

Jim got shot near the arm and he was down to the ground. “Captain!” he heard someone shouting. His head spun a bit as he hit the back of his head while he was falling to the ground.

 

“The—the leader,” Jim gasped out from the pain. Before he knew it, the phasers stopped shooting and Jim felt the pain blinding him for a moment as he tried to sit up. Spock was near him in a second, his eyes searching around the captain’s face.

 

“Captain,” Spock said. “You are injured.”

 

“I—I’m fine,” Jim said as he clutched onto his bloodied arm that was now soaking into the sleeves of his golden shirt.

 

“Enterprise, this is Commander Spock,” Spock said, his voice sounding tight. “Beam us back on board the ship and ask Doctor McCoy to be ready with a medical unit.”

 

“Aye’, Commander,” Scotty voice spoke through the comm. Jim touched the back of his head and shook silently when he saw blood. Looked like he cracked his skull.

 

“Do not move, Jim,” Spock said as he loomed over Jim. He smiled at Spock for a second. Before they knew it, they were materialised on the transporter pad. Bones rushed into the scene, cursing when he saw Jim and they placed him on the stretcher before dragging him away to Sickbay.

 

It turned out he didn’t actually crack his skull open, more like it was a mild injury from the impact. Jim’s arm was fine and before he knew it, eight hours later, he was sitting on the bio-bed, feeling much better. “Dad!”

 

Jim’s eyes snapped back to the door of the Sickbay and saw Grayson. His eyes widened when he heard what Grayson had called him. The boy ran to him before he looked at Jim, standing near the bed, his eyes worried and big.

 

“Hey,” he said weakly only for the boy to frown, his blue-green eyes watery. “I’m fine.”

 

“Dad,” Grayson said again and Jim couldn’t help but to smile. “Dad!” Before Jim could comprehend what was happening, Grayson had climbed on the bed and hugged him tight. Jim winced at the sudden pain around his arm but slowly relaxed and hugged him back.

 

“Hey, hey, I’m fine,” he said. Grayson looked at him before shaking his head.

 

“You made me worried,” Grayson said, his voice sounding disapproval. He almost sounded like Spock for a moment. He nearly chuckled at the thought when another figure stood behind Grayson, his arms behind his back and gazing at Jim with narrowed eyes.

 

“Hey, Spock,” Jim said with a grin. “Is everyone alright?”

 

“They are fine,” Spock said. “ _Captain_.”

 

Jim almost flinched at how different the tone was. “Mission report?”

 

“The anti-Federation terrorists will be trialled as soon as we transfer them to U.S.S Glaze. They come from a non-Federation ship. Possibly a pirate ship.”

 

“Ah,” Jim said nodding and then regretted it when his head started to hurt.

 

“You stupid kid!” Bones hollered as he walked up to Jim, gripping onto the PADD like he wanted to hit Jim with it. “You couldn’t have told Spock to move?”

 

“It would be too late by then!” Jim exclaimed.

 

“You made all of us worried, Jim,” Bones said with a frown. “I thought you’re staying on board the ship from now on?”

 

“I,” Jim said slowly before he cleared his throat. “My crew comes first.”

 

“And your kid?” Bones said coldly and Jim winced at the tone.

 

“I—I—know what I’m doing, okay?” Jim said slowly, avoiding Spock’s eyes. Looking down to Grayson, he sighed. “I’m sorry.”

 

“Just be careful!” Grayson exclaimed. “I don’t want to lose you too.”

 

“You won’t,” Jim said with a soft smile. “I can’t promise that I won’t get hurt again but—I’ll try my best to keep it to a minimum, alright?”

 

Grayson hesitated for a moment before nodding and hugged Jim again. With that, he finally let Jim go and got down of the bed. Bones meanwhile checked everything else before he eyed Jim and then back at Spock. Sighing, he nodded. “Everything seemed to check out fine but you need rest for two days, Jim. No exceptions.”

 

“I feel fine,” Jim insisted only for Bones to glare at him. Jim finally relented. “Two days, fine.”

 

“I’m bringing Grayson to the mess hall,” he said. “He didn’t eat anything thanks to you.”

 

“What? Why didn’t he eat?” Jim asked Spock.

 

“He refused,” Spock said. “He said it is illogical for him to eat until he knew you were alright. I cannot refuse logical reasons.” Jim looked away from Spock immediately. Bones sighed before he looked at Grayson. With that, Grayson finally looked at them one last time and followed Bones to the mess hall.

 

Silence filled in between them before Spock spoke, “Permission to speak freely, Captain?”

 

“Spock,” Jim said. “Of course.”

 

“It was illogical for you to have jumped in the middle of a fire when you could have told me to move,” Spock said, an edge in his voice. “It would have saved you from the injury and thus saved me from one as well.”

 

“Hey, there wasn’t time,” Jim protested. “I have to keep my crew safe first.”

 

“You neglecting your own safety especially now that you have a son are unacceptable. The solution was simple. All you had to do was to let me know of the enemy and I would have moved. I have faster reflex than humans. The fire would not have hit me.”

 

Jim thinned his lips before nodding. “Alright, so I misjudged,” Jim said. “But I still have to make sure my crew is safe.”

 

“You were not authorised to beam down the ship, Jim,” Spock said again.

 

“Well, excuse me, I’m the captain, I know what I’m doing, Spock,” Jim said. “I’m fine now, alright? I didn’t even get injured that badly.”

 

Spock looked at Jim for a while and Jim saw the worry in those orbs. Smiling, he just said, “Spock, I’m fine. I was never really in any danger. I’m fine.”

 

“If you were to die again,” Spock started but he didn’t finish, his eyes were finishing it for him and Jim knew that. “I do not wish to feel that way ever again.”

 

“Careful,” Jim said. “You said the same thing back then and—”

 

“I do not wish to feel that way ever again, Jim,” Spock cut him off. Jim clamped his mouth shut before he looked at Spock in the eyes. “You are—important to me, Jim. Do not make me feel as if I have lost you again.”

 

“I—I can’t promise you that, Spock,” Jim said slowly as he touched Spock’s face. “But I will try to be safe if you promise with me, okay?”

 

Spock remained quiet but he had already given his consent through his eyes. Jim leaned upwards slightly before bringing his lips close to Spock. Spock pushed his lips down on Jim, gingerly kissing and keeping it without pushing deeper. It was chaste and it was simple, there wasn’t anything but the worry and fear from just now. Breaking the kiss, Jim huffed out his breath on Spock’s lips before he said, “I love you.”

 

Spock tensed and Jim felt himself going rigid too. His eyes widened as he looked at Spock. The half-Vulcan looked at Jim for a while before his eyes softened. “As do I.”

 

Jim felt himself grinning. Spock leaned down to kiss him again before they Vulcan kissed simultaneously, their fingers intertwining.

 

* * *

 

After the incident, Jim told Spock a few more times about his feelings. Spock would say them back with his eyes and his words but he would always tell Jim that his feelings were deeper than that. Jim knew that there was a word for it in Vulcan. Spock told him the word was _t’hy’la_.

 

“It means friend, brother and lover,” Spock told him as they talked at the Observation Deck one day. Jim smiled at that, feeling the warmth once again surging through him.

 

“That’s really lovely,” Jim said with a grin and Spock turned his lips into a very small—tiny—smile. Their relationship consisted of all three and Jim guessed it was true. Soon, they came in terms to tell Grayson about them. Jim was nervous. The boy had just started calling him Dad, he didn’t know if Grayson would accept this between them.

 

So, they sat Grayson down on the bed and slowly explained to him about their relationship. By the end of the speech, Grayson simply blinked at them before saying, “So, Spock and you are lovers?”

 

And well, Jim just reddened at that and nodded while Spock tensed again next to him. Grayson contemplated the relationship between them before he nodded. “Okay.”

 

“Okay?” Jim asked carefully. “You’re okay with this?”

 

“Yeah,” Grayson said. “Yeah, I’m okay with it. As long as you’re happy, Dad.”

 

Jim smiled at Grayson before dragging the boy for a kiss on the forehead. “I am,” he said as he looked at Spock and grinned.

 

“Does that mean I have to call Spock ‘Dad’ too?” Grayson asked as he looked at Spock. Spock didn’t take it to heart.

 

Instead, he simply said, “It is up to you, Grayson. I shall not force this upon you. Only if you wish to do so.”

 

Grayson nodded but Jim knew that he was going to take some time before Grayson really warmed up with the idea of calling Spock other than—Spock. But that was fine and dandy. Things were developing well between them by the end of the day. Grayson, his son who came into his life all of a sudden now became someone he loved very much and cherished him from inside.

 

Spock, who had helped Jim in so many ways now became his second part of his soul—a friendship between them that nobody could define.

 

Uhura simply smiled up to Jim when he told her about Spock’s antics. She didn’t seem to take it hard with the sudden change of relationship. “Jim, I was the one who encouraged him in the end,” she would say before Spock would throw her a wary look and his ears would blush green. Jim found that adorable.

 

Jim knew that Uhura will always and forever be someone important to Spock and he was glad that Spock had a friend like Uhura like he had a friend like Bones. It was like a complete cycle, this life of his. Sitting down on his captain’s chair, he was ready to command his ship into their next mission.

 

“Alright, Sulu,” Jim said as he took in a deep breath. “Plot course to Delta II. Warp 6.”

 

Sulu looked up from his controls to Jim before smiling and nodding. Jim looked around his bridge crewmembers and couldn’t help but to feel a swell of pride at how efficiently they worked. He had also the best crewmembers any captain could ask for. Jim looked at Spock from the corner of his eyes as the half-Vulcan looked back and nodded.

 

With that, Sulu plotted the course and set the thrust warp to Warp 6.

 

They were going on a new adventure starting from this point of the mission. Jim, himself, was going on a new adventure. And this—this was just the beginning.

 

“Course plotted. Warp 6, Captain.”

 

Jim smiled at that.

 

 

 

**The End**

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Well, this is it, the last installment of the long story. I don't know if I did well, but I hope I did. I also am not sure if I spelled some of the ST words properly. Google helped me a lot and also the forums on what to avoid when writing a Star Trek fan fiction. Though, even so, I hope I did well on my first Star Trek fan fiction! Thank you for all the kudos, bookmarks, subscriptions and comments! If I have gotten some misinformation, do let me know so I can fix it. Besides that, yeah, well, let me know what you guys think and if you guys think that I should continue writing more ST fan fics. :33 Until then~! -Krystal


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